Thank you letters - AIBU

Pollycat

Flossie. wrote: »

What does AIBU mean?

I think you're being unreasonable to expect people to understand obscure acronyms which are just GobbledyGook. (See what I did there?)

Flossie.

Alikay wrote: »

A thank-you in person when the gift was given/received and a follow up phone call would be perfectly sufficient IMO. However I know someone who is a real stickler for good manners and etiquette. He would also expect a letter (the more obsequious the better), and would complain if one were not received within the required number of days. It seemed very bad manners on his part to chase up and remonstrate on the occasion it fell short, but hey ho.....

I think our kids were very pleased when this relative ceased sending the birthday tenner as the stress surrounding the required grateful essays and rapturous phonecalls started to outweigh any pleasure in receiving the gift.

Hmmmm, I know. I have known a few people like this. Like I said, generally in the older generation (probably born before 1955 I would say.)

Like I said, if someone is giving a gift with the expectation of getting a thank you [STRIKE]essay[/STRIKE] letter, then I question their motives for giving. A swift verbal 'thank you' is fine, either when accepting the gift (or when you get it/open it, if it's sent by post or via someone else for example.) To be expected to write a letter is OTT in my opinion. And if it comes to the point when you're dreading getting gifts (like hot sparkle said (post 20,) then that's just unacceptable.

But the older generation do expect it often.

JodyBPM

My children send thank-you letters to anyone who they don't get to thank in person at the receiving of a gift. One or two people who we thank in person also get a thank you letter, because they are older and really appreciate it, and if they have gone to the expense and trouble of buying my children a gift, the least they can do is take 5 mins to write a letter to make an older person happy.

I have a friend who never ever thanks me either verbally or in writing for her children's gifts. It really ticks me off. I don't necessary expect a letter, but as a minimum a phonecall saying thanks from the child (or even the parent of the child) who's present was passed on via relatives or left in the porch would be nice. I'm extremely tempted to stop bothering with presents for these children, but I feel that it wouldn't be fair to punish the children for the lack of manners of their parents. Still it really, really irks me. Manners cost nothing.

ETA just read your further info. I would have done the same in your situation, and I'm a stickler for manners. Given the situation they are being OTT to complain about a lack of a letter (and showing very poor manners themselves!)

Flossie.

Pollycat wrote: »

I think you're being unreasonable to expect people to understand obscure acronyms which are just GobbledyGook. (See what I did there?)

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Flossie.

GobbledyGook wrote: »

I've never been on mumsnet. The acronym was one I learned on here, but that's beside the point.

Thank you to those who answered.

The present was opened in front of the person who gave it, the thank you was given right away (in form of a super excited child saying 'thank you thank you thank you' and giving them a hug) as well as the telephone call the next day.

Normally the children do write thank you notes (using an acronym on a forum doesn't stop me being a stickler for manners), but OH mentioned on the phone that DS wouldn't be this time because he can't write due to his cast and injured fingers and hand. That's why DS was on hand whilst he telephoned everyone.

They are now bumping their gums at the lack of manners from the children and how they travelled 'all that way' (6 miles) and didn't even get a letter.

This is the kind of person I am on about. Are they buying gifts purely to get a drawn-out thank you letter? Seriously, if you're buying gifts and then crowing and ranting because the recipient has only thanked you verbally, and has not written you a thank you letter; then stop buying gifts! Because you're doing it for the wrong reasons!

I prefer to get nothing from people like this.

sulphate

JodyBPM wrote: »

My children send thank-you letters to anyone who they don't get to thank in person at the receiving of a gift. One or two people who we thank in person also get a thank you letter, because they are older and really appreciate it, and if they have gone to the expense and trouble of buying my children a gift, the least they can do is take 5 mins to write a letter to make an older person happy.

I have a friend who never ever thanks me either verbally or in writing for her children's gifts. It really ticks me off. I don't necessary expect a letter, but as a minimum a phonecall saying thanks from the child (or even the parent of the child) who's present was passed on via relatives or left in the porch would be nice. I'm extremely tempted to stop bothering with presents for these children, but I feel that it wouldn't be fair to punish the children for the lack of manners of their parents. Still it really, really irks me. Manners cost nothing.

ETA just read your further info. I would have done the same in your situation, and I'm a stickler for manners. Given the situation they are being OTT to complain about a lack of a letter (and showing very poor manners themselves!)

I agree

I'm not of the older generation and I think acknowledging a present is the least you can do whether or not it's verbal or written. That doesn't mean I only buy gifts to get a thank you! It's just good manners.

I think the OP's example is totally OTT.

Kynthia

As others have said, a Thank You letter is for people you weren't able to thank as you opened the gift.

balletshoes

hawk30 wrote: »

I don't get the need to send a thank-you card to someone that you have already thanked in person (unless it's a very special occasion, such as a wedding). So I would say that it's fine.

I agree with this, if you've said thank you in person there is no need to send a card or note.

TBagpuss

I agree too. A thank you letter is appropriate if you have not been able to thank the giver in person, after opening the gift, or for formal celebrations such as weddings and perhaps things like a first communion or graduation, of there is big celebration.

(out of interest, does the giver send letters themselves for gifts you give them, or do they only expect them from children?)

GobbledyGook

Tbh I can't remember ever getting a thank you letter from them, but until recently we've not been in touch for a few years so I might be wrong.

I think they only expect them from children. They call themselves old fashioned when it comes to children, but I find them quite rude (they are OH's family). They will talk over the children or not offer them a biscuit if a plate is going around, but tut and moan if the children dreamt of doing the same to them.

To be honest I only asked on here because I wasn't sure if the fact that I absolutely cannot stand them was clouding my judgement.

Probably if I had made him do a letter that would have also been wrong (poor injured child, bullied into writing unnecessary letters) so I'll stop worrying.

Thanks everyone. Gemma