Thank you letters - AIBU

fairy_lights

A couple of people on the thread have suggested sending a photo as a thank you, but I would find that a bit strange. If I give a gift to one of my friends children I would expect to be thanked but it could be in person, by text, even over facebook because it's the thought that matters. But I wouldn't want to receive a photo of the child in return! what on earth would I do with it?!

themull1

fairy_lights wrote: »

A couple of people on the thread have suggested sending a photo as a thank you, but I would find that a bit strange. If I give a gift to one of my friends children I would expect to be thanked but it could be in person, by text, even over facebook because it's the thought that matters. But I wouldn't want to receive a photo of the child in return! what on earth would I do with it?!

Bin it, that's what i would do!! If someone says thanks for a present there is no need to also send a thank you card or a photo for pity's sake!.

Timeflies

Generally, I would agree it is polite to write thank you letters or cards, especially if the gift sender lives far away and rarely sees the recipient. I might expect children of around 5/6 plus to write them.

But a four year old with a broken arm? I'd cut them some slack, if they've said thank you twice already!

As the parent putting them up to the thank you call, I might have got them to say, "I would send you a card to say thanks, but I can't write with my arm in plaster", just to emphasise the point, but yes, I think it is unreasonable to be upset by the absence of a written thank you here.

Brighton_belle

An enthusiastic thank you sais to me in person at the time the gift is given is quite enough and thoroughly enjoyable to experience - genuine enthusiasm, how lovely.
To be thanked again on the phone the next day by a 4 year old child would be and unexpected bonus. A letter on top would be complete overkill.

maman

Flossie. wrote: »

Hmmmm, I know. I have known a few people like this. Like I said, generally in the older generation (probably born before 1955 I would say.)

Like I said, if someone is giving a gift with the expectation of getting a thank you [STRIKE]essay[/STRIKE] letter, then I question their motives for giving. A swift verbal 'thank you' is fine, either when accepting the gift (or when you get it/open it, if it's sent by post or via someone else for example.) To be expected to write a letter is OTT in my opinion. And if it comes to the point when you're dreading getting gifts (like hot sparkle said (post 20,) then that's just unacceptable.

But the older generation do expect it often.

If it's only the older generation that expect good manners whatever's going to happen in the future?

Spendless

GobbledyGook wrote: »

Normally the children do write thank you notes (using an acronym on a forum doesn't stop me being a stickler for manners), but OH mentioned on the phone that DS wouldn't be this time because he can't write due to his cast and injured fingers and hand. That's why DS was on hand whilst he telephoned everyone.

They are now bumping their gums at the lack of manners from the children and how they travelled 'all that way' (6 miles) and didn't even get a letter.

I'm guessing this is someone on husband's side of the family? Leave him to remind them, he'd already mentioned that wouldn't be possible with his injured arm. At 4 it's not like he could manage some rough letters with the other hand.

My kids have only ever thanked people verbally for presents, in person or over the phone. We live in the same village as 3 lots of extended family, and only a few miles from the rest.

As a child, one of my grandmothers used to 'sulk' if we hadn't thanked her for a present within a certain time, but she didn't live in walking distance, we didn't have a phone and I didn't know how to or have the means to go and get a stamp for a letter. For some reason this was always mine and my sisters fault rather than my parents for not organising it! As an adult my sister got revenge by complaining to our Dad that she hadn't thanked her for her card and present, in the same manner she'd moan to our Dad. After that there was no issue!

Peter333

maman wrote: »

If it's only the older generation that expect good manners whatever's going to happen in the future?

You're missing the point I think.

Everyone expects and appreciates good manners, but the older generation expect thank you cards and an essay from a child, thanking them, and ranting on about how amazing the gift is, in addition to already being thanked verbally; and they cuss and b1tch like an old curmudgeon if they don't get what they expect!

That's not 'good manners.' It's ludicrous and unreasonable.

FTR, a verbal thank you was fine OP.

Savvy_Sue

GobbledyGook wrote: »

They are now bumping their gums at the lack of manners from the children and how they travelled 'all that way' (6 miles) and didn't even get a letter.

:eek: It's not the lunatic grandparents is it?

Flossie. wrote: »

This is the kind of person I am on about. Are they buying gifts purely to get a drawn-out thank you letter? Seriously, if you're buying gifts and then crowing and ranting because the recipient has only thanked you verbally, and has not written you a thank you letter; then stop buying gifts! Because you're doing it for the wrong reasons!

I prefer to get nothing from people like this.

:rotfl: My mother tried this one: as they got older she would say that she would give the grandchildren some money if they could tell her what they'd spend it on, and she approved. New cricket bat was OK (at least while Dad was alive), guitar a bit less so, computers or phones definitely NOT acceptable.

Then it was a case of she might give them some more if they wrote and thanked her - phone calls aren't possible, but wouldn't have been acceptable anyway, and even emails aren't good enough. I passed on her message, they decided they didn't need her money.

I do encourage them to phone their other grandparents whenever they are given a present or money, not least so they know the thing got there!

I admit I failed to train them properly in the art of letter writing, but a thank you of some sort did always happen.

GobbledyGook

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

:eek: It's not the lunatic grandparents is it?

No it's not. Even I'm not that soft!

I've taken the OH back (we're not remarried though - and I don't think we will ever be and there has been LOTS of changes), but certainly not his mother.

It's FIL's sister. She's easily offended, she falls out with people all the time for random stuff. She's quite posh and doesn't like me, never has - she thinks I should have let bygones be bygones by now. I only tolerate her because it makes it more comfortable for FIL to come to things as he has company, he's still not totally used to coming to events on his own.

He does come alone normally though. He visits the children at least once a week and will often come on days out with us. We've not that long moved and he helped me decorate the house before we moved in. He has accepted that MIL won't be part of our lives again. He himself has a bit of distance from her now. Still in the same house and legally married, but very much their own lives.

I can't stick the Aunt, but I posted because I still worry that I get stuff wrong.

Person_one

maman wrote: »

If it's only the older generation that expect good manners whatever's going to happen in the future?

Writing a letter when you've already said thank you twice (in person and over the phone) isn't good manners though, its completely unnecessary.

Expecting people to fall over themselves in gratitude with repeated redundant thank yous and moaning when they don't isn't particularly polite!