108 spiders are a girl's best friends

sassychick2014

Hey hon

So sorry to hear about your uncle. It doesn't matter if it is a blessing in some ways, it's still sad news and I'm sending you a big hug.

Also sad to hear about dear Aunt. These people who think it's ok to mug other people are scum of the earth and my heart goes out to both your aunt and to you too. I can't believe it's been so long since your dear Uncle passed away. It doesn't seem real that time can go so quickly! I can totally understand where you are coming from with regards to moving her nearer to you. We had a similar situation with moving elderly relatives. We were going to move Grandmother closer to us but for some reason my uncle (an in-law) put negative thoughts into my aunt's head and so Grandmother stayed put. She is currently in a convalescence home and will eventually be going back to a big empty house that's quite a distance to us. But, what do you do? Whilst it seems the obvious solution to move an elderly relative their memories are in their home. Not knowing how old your aunt is the move may even prove to much for her. It's a really tough one and there is no solution where everyone is happy. Maybe you could take some brochures to show her and suggest she just take a look, but no pressure? Good luck xx

Whitefeather8

Thanks Sassy, that really helped. My aunt is 79 and she is showing signs of dementia. The change in her, in 12 months, is extraordinary and very sad.

She has created a memorial area for dear uncle in her back garden, where she buried his ashes, and the views over the surrounding countryside are breathtaking. I can totally understand why she would not want to move, but it is a huge, detached house, in an area where it is not practical to live without a car, and while she has good friends, she is the youngest of her peers and they are increasingly immobile or dying. (four funerals this year:().

I will try the brochure suggestion .

Whitefeather8

Morning world,

The funeral is very late in the afternoon, so we will only need to stay for one night. They had rooms at the reception for £69.00 for a double room, including breakfast, and dear aunt is going to help with diesel costs, so the expense will not be nearly as steep as I originally anticipated.:).

I love my aunt dearly, but I recognise that she will do exactly what she wants to do, and does not want me to put my life on hold anticipating what may or may not happen to her. I will do what I can while making sure that I have time for all my other responsibilities. My primary ones being to take good care of my own well-being and that of DH and DS. .

Weigh-in, interview, visiting dear aunt and a cheese and wine party are on today's agenda.

Spider Step 30 - Go easy on the cheesey

Ratison

Good luck for the interview!

hohum

Whitefeather8 wrote: »

Thanks Sassy, that really helped. My aunt is 79 and she is showing signs of dementia. The change in her, in 12 months, is extraordinary and very sad.

She has created a memorial area for dear uncle in her back garden, where she buried his ashes, and the views over the surrounding countryside are breathtaking. I can totally understand why she would not want to move, but it is a huge, detached house, in an area where it is not practical to live without a car, and while she has good friends, she is the youngest of her peers and they are increasingly immobile or dying. (four funerals this year:().

I will try the brochure suggestion .

Hi, I've subscribed to your diary but have just been lurking

Sorry to hear about your cousin and aunt. If you do find a successful way to advocate, there are probably lots of people who would like to know what worked! My granma was in a similar situation, alone in a big house on top of a hill. She had nice neighbours but we lived miles away. Unfortunately we didn't manage to persuade her to move into sheltered accommodation in time, and when she did move it was into a (great) nursing home because her dementia had advanced to a point where she couldn't be cared for at home. The staff at the home were absolutely amazing and she remained there until she passed away 10 years later, however I do wonder if we could have kept her independent for longer had we been able to put more support in place.

Maybe the way to do it is to talk (very gently!) about what your aunt does want in the future? eg *if* she becomes less independent, what would she like etc. And socially, are there things she used to so that she misses etc

With my other grandparents my parents have been trying for a long time to talk to them about the future, as they live abroad and that might not work long term. They've been doing softly softly - a brochure actually went down reasonably well as it was a 'this could be a potential future solution' not 'you must leave your home right now'. It was the right kind of place too - my grandparents are delightful and also massive snobs - so things that would be important to them are the right kind of people, lots of cultural activities, high standard of accomm etc. They've got the money to support that choice so it's not crazy to wave those kinds of brochures at them

The other thing (considering that if I were making a move, I'd want to know that socially I'd get on with people) would be to chat to one of the current scheme residents and get feedback from them? Your aunt's peers could be a good source of info.

sassychick2014

Hey hon

I totally agree that you mustn't put your life on hold, especially when you have no idea what may or may not happen. All you can do with your aunt is be there for her when she needs you. Maybe visit a few more times than before but not to the point where it feels like a chore rather than a visit. Be supportive and try and steer her in the direction she needs to be, not where people would prefer her to be. It's a difficult time and I know how easy it is to get sucked into a cycle of caring for people and neglecting yourself. Yes your aunt is a priority but OH and DS are too, with your main priority being you. I think I said it before but you're no good to anyone if you don't look after yourself.

With regards to the funeral costs. It's good that you've got the cost down. An afternoon funeral is always helpful for families that are travelling from afar so hopefully your costs won't be to high.

Hope your weigh-in and interview went well. Enjoy the cheese and wine party too, you deserve it xx

Whitefeather8

Thanks Sassy and Ratison for your good wishes,

I have been sucked into a cycle of caring for people and neglecting myself on a number of occasions in the past, and what is particularly sad about this is that carers are often the people that are least appreciated, and get taken for granted, and it is easy to feel resentment. I would set much stronger boundaries now.

I don't want this to happen between me and my aunt as she has been a genuinely good friend to me over the years, and I have always admired her.

Yesterday evening was lovely, there was a huge amount of laughter and I went easy on the wine and the cheese x.

Whitefeather8

Thanks so much for sharing your story Hohum. My auntie is a wonderful snob too, and there is a complex being built near me, that I think would be perfect for her. She has a very bossy friend who she listens to. I will give her a ring and see what she thinks about aunt’s current state of mind, and whether she would dare to broach the move subject!!

Dear aunt had the press round and made the front page of a number of newspapers, it was surreal reading the account, and thinking that this was my formally invincible auntie, a real trail blazer in her time. We got her bus pass sorted, which had been stolen, visited the bank, then Mr T’s because the only food she had in the house were some stale biscuits. I was reminded of the poem by Robert Herrick:-

“Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,
Old Time is still a-flying;
And this same flower that smiles today,
Tomorrow will be dying”.

The interview went incredibly well, I felt really comfortable, looked the part and all three of the interviewers were making the right noises, suggesting I was a good fit. I would love the job, though it was more challenging than the job description indicated.

I very much doubt I will get it though as they mentioned that a major restructuring was going on at the university, they were interviewing all day, and I have inside knowledge that virtually all the jobs go to internal candidates. They said they were re-convening to deliberate on Monday and would let me know Tuesday of next week.

I lost another 1.5 lb at weigh in, bringing my total to 8.00 lb lost.

Spider Step 31

It is time to start earning some extra money. I commit to doing one mystery shop today that should net me £25.00 and I will ebay 2 items.

Nintud

I don't know where to start, you've had such a week.

Very sorry to hear about your Uncle, sadness coupled with relief is a heavy burden. Your needs and those of your family should be prioritised while working out a way to support your aunt.

Well done on getting through the interview with such confidence. I loathe it when companies go through the motions of external applications only to slide in an internal candidate. It's a pointless waste of everyone's time and money in an exercise of unequal 'fairness'. Fingers crossed they actually were open-minded to a new face. I agree that those in situ should be offered new jobs if their own is going to be lost, I just disagree with the farce of external advertising.

:T to the weight loss. I missed my meeting this week as I had a sick child at home. I've since had the bug myself and lost the weight that had crept on over half term. Stainless steel lining and all that!!

Good luck with the mystery shopping. I was in the middle of a restaurant visit last week when I got a call from home to return to a poorly child (he was fine when I left. This bug has hit us one at a time almost daily for a week). I had to leave mid main course and had to pay for the meal and couldn't claim for the mystery shop! Thankfully it was a lovely meal and I was on date night with dh.

supersaver1000

Good luck, I've been in the position of interviewing against internal candidates and one time one of them was actually filling in the job. I remember thinking, that's that then, and then being amazed when I got the job! You never know. Sending good luck and fairy dust your way 💫💫💫🌟🌟✨✨✨💫💫💫