108 spiders are a girl's best friends

Whitefeather8

I looked in my dream dictionary. It said that a train station represents a transitional period in your life. You need to take a break to reassess your situation and determine your path and goals.

Leather denotes a successful business venture, riches and it also represents the instinctual and animalistic nature of humans.

Finally, to a Freudian, trains are a very masculine symbol.

This did make sense to me. I had a very well paid job in an extremely masculine environment and a lot of my identity had been tied up in it. Recently I had been wanting to go back to the future, to get that sense of self worth and purpose re-kindled, but I think there is another way, that taps into feminine strengths too, and I am going to use these 108 steps to figure it out. No rash decisions!!

Spider Step 43

Conclude November finances, ponder on positives and areas for development.

Whitefeather8

November finances have been concluded and I stayed within budget, earned an extra £220.00, lost 4.5 lb of weight overall and cleared £250.00 off our debts. It was a challenging month, but I faced up to the issues, learned lessons and I am grateful for the experiences.

My December plan is:

- Earn an extra £532.50, pay off £250.00 of debt and use the difference (£282.50) as spending money for our Xmas break with relatives (flights already paid and accommodation is with family).

- Complete Operation Wetsuit's December challenge with Sassy.

- Repeat this affirmation out loud three times, three times a day, for three weeks.

"I am willing to release the patterns of consciousness that allow for lack in my life".

Thinking that has not been serving me well is going to get a complete overhaul before the new year.

- Pass first exam.
Here's to a joyous December :beer:.

Spider Step 44

I am going to utilise YNAB's free trial for a month. Today I will input my budget and finalise plans for earning the extra £532.50.

supersaver1000

Great achievements Wf8. I am trying to figure out why I lack self confidence when others clearly have it in me. A good clear out of negative thinking is definitely needed. The declutter ping will be of the clutter in all life areas.

Buffythedebtslayer

I read your diary this morning whilst laying in bed! I so enjoyed it, it was really inspiring.You have a great attitude and I really want to know what happens next!


So I am subscribing


thank you so much for sharing XX

Eager_Elephant

I am having a lazy Sunday (and I had a lazy Saturday as well:rotfl:) and thought that I would have a look at the diaries board for a new diary to read.

I was drawn to yours as I hate spiders (especially in confined spaces). The other day as I was driving along a spider appeared on my windscreen, I stopped the car in the middle of the road and jumped out:eek:

DH was really angry and the blnkin' spider had disappeared so I drove the rest of the way to work worrying about where it was - luckily I did not crash as more time was spent looking at different parts of the car than the road,

I am loving the positivity on this thread and have subscribed,

Happymac

Just about the spiders...I was soooo scared of spiders that being near one made me vomit (yep, seriously!) Had a baby and one day there was a spider in the room he was in. I literally couldn't enter the room and had to get my neighbour in. This was my spider LBM, did a course of cbt and the results have been astounding. I could do a bushtucker trial no bother now!
Anyway, not very mse but I thought worth sharing!

Whitefeather you are really inspirational. how are you managing to make so much extra every month??
xx

Whitefeather8

Hi there thank you for your lovely posts, I will catch up tomorrow, relatives around today. I just wanted to share this thought with Supersaver, while I have the courage x.

Hi Supersaver,

I can relate to many of your posts and appreciate you sharing your thoughts. I would not be surprised if we had similar backgrounds as my mother, in particular, is very controlling, judgmental and self absorbed, yet brought me up to believe that I had to always put others before myself and that her way of looking at the world and God was the only true way, any other path would lead to destruction.

It is only in recent years that I have challenged all her perceptions, broken free and started on my own path. I was very angry with her for a while, but now I realise that I have moved beyond that, I can love her, help her and not be affected by her anymore to anything like the same degree. In many ways she was a victim of her upbringing too.

Like you, I am bringing up my son completely differently. I give him unconditional love, am teaching him to be a responsible and loving human being, but encouraging him to follow his own passions, and to make up his own mind about the big questions in life.

He has had to overcome so many difficulties, because after a difficult birth he had to contend with learning difficulties and other health problems, but you would not know that now, he is a contented, confident, compassionate young man and a brilliant student, whose ideas about life astound his teachers.

We are both worth investing in xxxxx.

supersaver1000

Thank you for sharing Wf8 xx

Whitefeather8

Good morning, your spider tales really made me laugh and I am glad that readers of this diary enjoy really long, lazy lie-ins at the weekend, you are my kind of gels. I will have a peek and a post on your diaries at some point, it is lovely the way that we all are supporting each other!

Operation Wetsuit begins today - Thanks Sassy.

I have a mission statement:-

"I am unconditionally accepting and loving myself in the now, while nurturing myself physically, spirtitually, emotionally and mentally. This ultimately benefits both me and all those who come into contact with me.":).

I had another lucid dream last night which woke me up. DH, DS and I were at the top of a hill looking down at the sea-shore when I noticed that boats were beginning to sink and the tide was retreating very quickly. I remembered that this was a Tsunami sign and I looked far out to sea.

There was a massive wave beginning to build. I screamed, "Tsunami, run for the tree line", grabbed hold of DS and DH and pulled them to safety. We hung on to a tree and the water came right over us, retreated and left us unscathed. I looked on to the beach and saw that lots of people had survived and they were all clinging on to tree roots which had miraculously appeared.

I said to my son, "I am glad you came with me"

Spider Step 45

Work out the meaning of the above, do my abs and squats and detail for Happymac how I am going to reach my £532.50.

Whitefeather8

Abs and Squats done and here is my extra income plan for December:-

Voucher

£30.00

Money returned from skirt

£19.50

Money returned for Mon**n Dress

£64.00

Bank Account Switch

£100.00

Ebay

£52.00

Yellow Pages

£190.00

Extra to earn

£45.00

Grassroots

£32.00

£532.50

*The voucher is an M&S one and I also have a £25.00 off £45.00 spend voucher so I will use these wisely.

*I have an old current account which I am putting a couple of DD’s into and then switching to an M&S current account at the end of the month for £100.00 bonus

* Two Mystery shopping purchases that were not included in last month’s accounts that can be returned.

* DS and I clothes and drawer clear outs – ebay anything worth value.

* Yellow pages family project starts today.

* Grassroots work already completed.

* Extra to earn from mystery shopping work – look for three well paid jobs.

As for my dream, I puzzled over this one:-

To me tidal waves represent change, that is coming, and there is as much chance of me holding back the tide as there was for King Canut. Running away from the change, clinging to trees for security and trying to protect DS and DH, is fear based thinking and my dreams are following a theme. I did not get on the train and while I survived the tidal wave, I did not make any progress. I am beginning to see why I have been in a rut for many years. As much as I say I want change, breaking out of old moulds and patterns of thinking and ways of doing things has been like pulling myself out of sticky goo, the goo always seems to get the better of me.

I lay in my bath last night, lit my candle and imagined the dream ending differently. This time as I saw the wave coming, I made sure DS, DH and I were prepared. We put our wetsuits on, had our surf boards ready, studied the wave and at the most appropriate point we jumped together and started surfing it, to see where it would take us, and it was the start of an exhilarating adventure.

I am now Spider Woman creating a fresh new web rather than a fly stuck in an old gooey, dusty web that is past its sell by date and full of other peoples' creations that do not work for me and did not work for them either. I learned a lot of lessons in the old web though so I am grateful for my journey in it.

Onwards and upwards!

Spider Step 46

Abs and Squats, pick up all the yellow pages.