After School Trouble

GetOut

Hi all,

I arrived this evening to pick my son up from the after school club to find him in tears and the after school club carer shouting at him.
The second I saw her, she screamed 'your son spat on everyone's fruit'. Completely flabbergasted I looked at my devastated son and said 'what are you talking about'. She repeated herself and then ordered someone to throw all the fruit away. I asked my son who at that point was crying so much he was hardly able to talk what happened, and he said he did no such thing. Since he was so distressed I told the woman I'll speak to him and talk to her in the morning.

Turns out my son took a piece of fruit and as he was still chewing the lady shouted 'what did you just do' and accused him on spitting on everybody's fruit to which he just replied 'no, I didn't'. That's when I came in.

My son is in Yr2 and has been going to this school since nursery, he's never had anything but praises and not a single complaint. He's been named a star of the week many times. My son is a very sensitive soul and has been taught respect for people and food and I don't believe for one second he'd do such a thing. He's been upset all night saying he doesn't want to go back to school if kids will think he's the sort of person who'd do such a thing (she shouted it in front at least 10 kids and 5 adults).

I'm speaking to her tomorrow morning but I'm very angry at the way she handled the situation and want a non-biased opinion on whether I'm overreacting. I feel she should have taken us to one side and said her bit to which my son would have replied with his part and we would have sorted it out whilst now he's been humiliated in front of many people.

Spitting is such a disgusting and rude thing to do which i believe makes this all the worse.

Thanks

sooty&sweep

Hi

Firstly I'd want to hear what she saw or thought she saw.

I'm not suggesting that your son is lying but children will often tell you what you want to hear or miss bits out so as not to get into trouble. Or she may have misunderstood what she saw so I would want to hear both sides of the story. Children in a group can often wind each other up to do things they shouldn't

I'd agree that I don't think she handled the situation well but it sounds like how someone would react who is shocked & angry & isn't really thinking properly about handling the situation correctly.

Have you or your son had any reason to have concerns about this woman before ? Does she have a tendancy to overreact or is she normally ok ? If its someone who've Ive seen around for a while & Ive always found ok then I'd be more inclined to consider her accusation seriously.

Jen

pollypenny

An urgent appointment with the head is needed here. Even if your son did something 'naughty ' the assistant shouldn't have spoken like that.

peachyprice

Is it possible he bit into an apple and the juice sprayed out? This may have looked to her like he spat.

Regardless, the way she humiliated your son is unacceptable and definitely needs a proper investigation. It doesn't matter if she did think that your son spat on the fruit, that is not how you deal with a 6yo child in your care. I would now request a meeting with both her and the head so that she can fully explain her over-reaction.

She sounds like a woman at the end of her tether, not the right frame of mined to be in when you're looking after 15 children. Is she a teacher, a parent, a play group leader or the like?

GetOut

sooty&sweep wrote: »

Hi

Firstly I'd want to hear what she saw or thought she saw.

I'm not suggesting that your son is lying but children will often tell you what you want to hear or miss bits out so as not to get into trouble. Or she may have misunderstood what she saw so I would want to hear both sides of the story. Children in a group can often wind each other up to do things they shouldn't

I'd agree that I don't think she handled the situation well but it sounds like how someone would react who is shocked & angry & isn't really thinking properly about handling the situation correctly.

Have you or your son had any reason to have concerns about this woman before ? Does she have a tendancy to overreact or is she normally ok ? If its someone who've Ive seen around for a while & Ive always found ok then I'd be more inclined to consider her accusation seriously.

Jen

Yes, first thing I'll ask is what she thinks she saw and then tell her my son's part.
I know kids can conveniently miss out bits of information but I honestly believe after discussing this in detail that he really did no such thing. It couldn't be more out of character, he's nothing like the 'horrid henry' type.

I've not warmed to her since she started at the end of last year and yes, there was another incident. She put my son on a time out for 10min, that's 4 over for a 6yo boy and then couldn't explain to me why she did that apart from 'he was naughty' but couldn't go into detail. My son said he was just playing chase with other kids. I wouldn't have found out about it if I didn't notice that my son had been crying, she didn't mention it. I let that one go cause I didn't want to cause a fuss but this time I feel it's too important to not bring to head's attention.

GetOut

peachyprice wrote: »

Is it possible he bit into an apple and the juice sprayed out? This may have looked to her like he spat.

Regardless, the way she humiliated your son is unacceptable and definitely needs a proper investigation. It doesn't matter if she did think that your son spat on the fruit, that is now how you deal with a 6yo child in your care. I would now request a meeting with both her and the head so that she can fully explain her over-reaction.

She sounds like a woman at the end of her tether, not the right frame of mined to be in when you're looking after 15 children. Is she a teacher, a parent, a play group leader or the like?

yes, that was the only thing I could think of. He said he took a piece of pear so possible.

She was appointed as after school lady once a company that was running it last year had to stop due to loss it was generating. She's a pupil's parent.

I found this just so humiliating, everyone was staring in silence and I was caught completely off guard. I wish I asked to look at that fruit before it got chucked away but I was so shocked all logic escaped my mind

meritaten

good grief - screaming and shouting in front of other parents? how unprofessional! I think this needs an urgent meeting with the headmaster. she sounds a bit deranged.

maman

meritaten wrote: »

good grief - screaming and shouting in front of other parents? how unprofessional! I think this needs an urgent meeting with the headmaster. she sounds a bit deranged.

I agree but then is the woman a professional? I wonder what training/qualifications she has for the job?


Obviously OP needs to speak with the Head and I'm sure she'll agree too but providing childcare that is both cheap and good quality is very difficult.

PoorCharleyBear

There are obviously some poor after school clubs. She does not sound like she should be running it.

My daughter went to after school when she was 5- she cried because she missed me. The leader made her sit on the sad cushion to reflect on her tears. A bloody cuddle would have been the right solution, but seemed to be not allowed in London.

Luckily we are in Australia now, where cuddles are permitted.

FBaby

Was there a manager or at least supervisor there? Regardless whether your son did it or not, she didn't respond to the incident appropriately.

I personally wouldn't focus on trying to disapprove that your son did it which could go nowhere, but that as it's been mentioned, she should have taken him aside, speak to him, and then discuss it with you again taking you aside. I wouldn't think any club manager would be impressed with how she dealt with the situation.

peachyprice

GetOut wrote: »

She was appointed as after school lady once a company that was running it last year had to stop due to loss it was generating. She's a pupil's parent.

Is it just her, by herself? Does she have any experience or qualifications to be looking after a large group of children other than being a parent? Is she even CRB checked?

If there were other members of staff how did they seem to be reacting to her outburst? Were they shrugging it off as her being her usual self or were they embarrassed too?

I'm sorry, but if a school cannot provide adequate staff for an after school club they shouldn't be offering the service.