Boyfriend's gambling problem financially affecting me

Pollycat

genuinegal21 wrote: »

He blew the remainder of his student loan (£1k) and was left with zilch. He had no money for food and threatened to quit uni.

Do you know what he blew this money on?

If he needed to buy important stationery, why didn't he use the remainder of his student loan to do that?

'Threatened to quit uni'?

Can't you see that this is blackmail?
He's saying 'lend me money or I'm going to screw my life up'.

I'd be making very sure that - regardless of what he did with his life - he wouldn't be taking me down with him.

Georgiegirl256

After reading the above, it sounds like he's got more problems than just the gambling one.

He buys food that would feed 3 people, and then eats it all himself? Glutten? Or eating disorder?

You give him £35, he spends the majority on stationary? Does he just like spending for spendings sake?

First off, stop giving him the money. Simple as that. It sounds like you can't really afford it yourself, so tell him that. If he cares anything about you then he'll understand. Doesn't sound like he does or he will though.

System

His relationship with his parents has nothing to do with you. If they want to keep bailing him out then that's up to them.

All you need to do is keep saying no more handouts and mean it.

heartbreak_star

I would talk to his parents.

But I would also sit down and talk properly to him.

HBS x

hazyjo

I promise you, you will look back one day years after you've left him and think OMG !!!!!! was I thinking...


Must say, you do seem rather naïve as to the extent of his problem.


He sees you as a cashpoint.


You seem to see that as the only problem. Take away the cash and really - is he that perfect? I remember being with someone once who I later found out had a GF. The relationship became obsessive about the fact he was with someone else and kept telling me they were splitting up, that he was sorting out 'the financials'... it was lie after lie until one day the light went on in my head and I thought, you know what, I'm fighting for fighting's sake and I'm not actually sure he's a very nice man any more. We still argued over it all for a couple of months, but when I eventually walked, I really meant it. I look back now (and occasionally hear from him) and feel he was so effing manipulative, controlling, a liar and total fantasist.


As above - dump him. Sorry if that appears harsh and not what you want to hear. He does not recognise he has a problem. Unless he's prepared to stop, your future is going to be hell (and a very skint one).


What good is it telling his parents? Is he 12?! Your problems aren't theirs. Surely in an adult relationship, you keep your disagreements to yourselves. Do you think they can change him?! Really?!


And yes, I do know about addictions. Not me, but my BF, his son, his dad and his granddad (and my BIL and his dad) - take your pick from gambling, coke, alcohol out of those. Pretty much got it all covered.


Jx

tea_lover

Where on earth do you see this 'relationship' going?

KevInChester

His parents have unfortunately taught him from an early age that it doesn't matter what he does as they will bail him out. Sadly for you you have now become a surrogate mother for him. I do have sympathy as addictions are rarely chosen, but he will never grow out of the cycle of dependency whilst so many are reinforcing him into it.

I feel for you, you seem a good person, and it isn't easy to leave somebody that in other aspects is good for you, unfortunately it may be the only option short of him having an epiphany.

conradmum

OP, you may not see it but you're actually making his behaviour worse by enabling him. You should get yourself along to a GamAnon meeting. That's the organisation for people involved with gamblers. It might help open your eyes a little to what's happening here.

You need to stop taking responsibility for your boyfriend's behaviour and his relationship with his parents. He's convinced you it's your problem. It isn't.

mogwai

People are saying get rid not just because he's a gambling addict but also because he is sponging off his unemployed girlfriend, the guy has no morals or shame, then emotionally blackmailing you by telling you he will quit his course. Cut your losses and move on

VestanPance

He sounds like a complete loser. Get rid, no need for people like that in your life.