Boyfriend's gambling problem financially affecting me

tinkerbell28

I have to fess up, I crash read this on my phone this morning, hence all the errors in my post

I presumed you were all early twenties at most!

BIN HIM OFF.

Seriously this is your life if you stay with him, don't do it. It's time to do well in your career, think of a house, having a family maybe in a few years. You've already wasted enough of your prime time with this muppet.

This guy will just risk your house, risk your kids going without food. If your relationship goes that far. He's an utterly selfish, irresponsible addict.

This is the kind of loser that at 16 or something you think is the love of your life as you don't know any better. Then you hit your mid twenties to early thirties and laugh at your naive, silly younger self.

Please tell me you're not 33. That's my age. I absolutely would not have a man child like this drag me down. Jesus wept, you can't be 33! This guy is an absolute loser and will ruin your life totally. Bin him.

Pollycat

Based on the replies from the OP to the early replies, I think we're all telling her what she doesn't want to hear.

19lottie82

In all honesty, he doesn't seem to be a massive gambling, addict, more like he just likes a flutter and this is coupled with no financial sense at all.

What re you going to tell his parents? I gave him £35 and he spent it all on stationary, or £10 could feed me for 3 days (very doable yes, with careful planning) but it only lasted him one (again, easily done, it's 2 take out meals, at a push). I don't think they will be that bothered, you won't be telling them anything new.

Bottom line is this guy is useless with money (as are a lot of people) where as you are the opposite. He isn't going to change anytime soon, so if you don't think you can deal with that, you'd be better going your separate ways.

What will happen in the future, if you move in together and he blows his half of the rent money?

19lottie82

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

He buys food that would feed 3 people, and then eats it all himself? Glutten? Or eating disorder?

To the OP, £10 could feed her for 3 days. To her BF, it's prob just a McDonalds for lunch, then a chippy for tea. Not really equivalent to an eating disorder, just poor planning / laziness.

Pollycat

19lottie82 wrote: »

In all honesty, he doesn't seem to be a massive gambling, addict, more like he just likes a flutter and this is coupled with no financial sense at all.

Bottom line is this guy is useless with money (as are a lot of people) where as you are the opposite. He isn't going to change anytime soon, so if you don't think you can deal with that, you'd be better going your separate ways.

To me, it wouldn't be the lack of financial sense that was so much the issue, more that he seems to have the expectation that somebody else will bail him out.

JoW123

genuinegal21 wrote: »

Its so easy for people to say 'get rid' when they have never been in the same boat. Imagine you were with someone you love, and in love with - would it be so easy for you to 'get rid'? Ending a 4 yr rship is not easy, especially when i am already feeling like rubbish having no home and no job.

I've been in the same boat, and for that precise reason you need to walk away from him now. He won't change because he doesn't want to. Is he beggng for help? Is he asking you to support him whilst he gets help? Is he coming up with loads of ways to regain YOUR trust? Is he providing love and support to help you while you are struggling?


No, he's emotionally black mailing you into continuing to give him more money and it won't stop, because at the moment he doesn't want it to. He will ruin your life, believe me , I know.

Georgiegirl256

19lottie82 wrote: »

To the OP, £10 could feed her for 3 days. To her BF, it's prob just a McDonalds for lunch, then a chippy for tea. Not really equivalent to an eating disorder, just poor planning / laziness.

I get what you're saying in that you buy 3 lots of fast food rather than something to make a meal and it's easily spent. However, she actually said that "he buys enough good to feed 3 people and then eats it all himself", maybe it was the wording, but that bit just stood out to me. Pure greed then?

Whatever the situation, he sounds like he's got more problems than the gambling, and that's wasting money in general, and I'd be outta there OP.

view

Selfish selfish selfish.

Sorry, deep down you know it's true.

He will do this his entire life if you allow him to.

As much as you may feel it hurts, you need to either break it off entirely or refuse to give him any more money - at which he will become 'furious' again and emotionally blackmail you / his parents / who knows who else he's asking for money from.

He has zero concept of the value of money and you/his parents are unfortunately enabling him to continue down this route.

I really don't mean to sound harsh with this - you have been very supportive and caring.

He will drag you into huge vast canyons of debt in the future until he learns how to control money.

You know what to do, or I really do fear your financial life will be completely ruined in the future... do you really want this?

Kitty777

Hello

1- I would tell his parents. If anyone it is them that need to support him not YOU. Don't worry about the fallout/aftermath...you need to do what is right for your health.
2- I would also say leave him, or tell him you are going to if he doesn't get support for his issues. How are you going to live together in the future if all the money gets wasted? it is just impractical. I KNOW it is hard..especially when you are feeling low that you don't want to let go...but trust me it may be the wake up call he needs. He threatened to leave you before, and you deserve better.

Please don't let him bring you down too...no boyfriend is worth that.

Take care.

CH27

genuinegal21 wrote: »

Its so easy for people to say 'get rid' when they have never been in the same boat. Imagine you were with someone you love, and in love with - would it be so easy for you to 'get rid'? Ending a 4 yr rship is not easy, especially when i am already feeling like rubbish having no home and no job.

He's part of the reason you feel carp! He's draining your money & your joy.

This manchild will never grow up while you & his parents bail him out.