Can people ever just move on?

Pyxis

Generali wrote: »

You're not with her any more. Why are you even talking?

Just move on by which I mean cut her out of your life. Life's too short to carry your ex on your shoulders.

^^^^^^Have I missed something?

Assuming you are still together, it sounds to me that your partner may feel very insecure about you and may be pushing and pushing to test your commitment.

Does she have a history of being hurt?

If so, she won't change unless she acknowledges that there is a problem.

*Robin*

duchy wrote: »

This is NOT all about you.
She is worried about her Dad- Your job is to be her rock at this time.

I'm not sure why you would arrange to pick up someone else's wedding rings on the day you were moving into your first home together-nor why it would take until 4pm. I'd be less than impressed too.

I'd also be annoyed that a partner "took a risk" booking a holiday they knew they couldn't afford and then expected me to be fine at cancelling a couple of months before -and losing the deposit and expect me not to mind.

I would thank Duchy's post ten times if it were possible!

lufcgirl your actions have been thoughtless and selfish; hardly surprising your partner isn't best pleased with you.

Be very, very careful when raising the disparity in household contributions (caused by both of you not thinking it through when you moved in together).
..Going by what you've told us, I suspect that any choice in whether this relationship continues will be taken from you when the topic is raised - please let it rest while GF is so worried about her Dad!

Barny1979

I can see both sides here, ultimately the relationship sounds finished, but I would be the bigger person and be their support and rock whilst her father recovers and when the dust settles, then reassess things.

Their attitude may change however if you are reliable whilst her father is poorly.

What I would say is I presume your partner knew you were picking the rings up, so not ideal you weren't around, but understandable if they were aware of the clash.

For the record, the day I moved in with an ex, they chose not to bother taking the time off work and I spent all day in the new house unpacking etc, it was one of the most disappointing and lonely days of my life when it should have been one of the most memorable. I realised that day that it was a mistake and ended up moving out 5 months later.

FBaby

Fbaby they aren't married.

Oh I don't know where I got that from! Well that's for the best!

OP, when I first moved with my OP, we argued so much we got to the stage of considering whether to stay together. That despite having a perfect, argument free, deeply loving relationship before.

Thankfully, our love and commitment was such that we decided to work through it. It was quite exhausting, but we persevered and it worked. We listened to each other's perspective, and made efforts. It didn't seem like much, but gradually, we adjusted. 2 years later he proposed, we have now been married for over a year, and we haven't had one argument since, life is easy and peaceful.

It is up to you to decide whether the relationship is worth fighting for or not.

kitrat

To be honest after reading this from other perspectives I'm starting to swing round to the idea that I can see why she's so moody with you.

persa

If you want this to work, given how much stress she's under with her dad right you, I think you're going to have to be the one who says sorry. In a true partnership, keeping things on track is more important than always being right (even when you are).

She clearly feels you let her down - acknowledge that, tell her you feel like you're doing the same again now and ask her how she would like you to support her better now because you want to help, but don't know what she needs.

Maybe she wants you at the hospital, even if you're just sat outside twiddling your thumbs, ready to give her a hug when she needs a break from being strong in front of the others. Maybe when she thinks about it, that's a bit ridiculous and she'd rather you stayed home doing some of the household chores she normally does. But don't assume. Ask.

She may not know how she wants you to support her, and if she gets it wrong and tells you to go home when she needs you at the hospital or vice versa, it won't be "your fault". You need to keep communication open and be as thoughtful as you can, because she's in a bad place right now. It's only temporary, remember that.

If she likes tea, silently bring her a cup without being prompted. If she has a favourite chocolate bar, slip one in her handbag before she goes to the hospital with a short note saying "I love you".

Don't expect too much of her. Try to imagine how you would feel if it was your much loved relative in there.

You can't make her forget those things you did before that hurt her. However, you can rally round and be her absolute rock now, and that is a memory that won't fade, and will outweigh those previous bad memories in time.

She's angry, upset and needs you right now. It's up to you if you want to be there for her. Would she do the same for you? Is she worth it?

victory

I can only vaguely remember the other threads you posted but from that I get the feeling you don't actually listen , sure you feel hard done by and that you can do no wrong but it is a two way thing, your gf harbours a lot of animosity towards you, you say you don't understand why, she feels lonely and you feel attacked , you both need to say it how you see it and try to listen and hear both sides.

74jax

lufcgirl wrote: »

Just a few minutes ago I received a text (she's at the hospital)

Her: You just have tea. I'm staying with Mam and my sister for a bit

Me: Ok then. Hope everythings ok

Her: Then

Me: Sorry?

Her: Ok THEN? It just seemed a bit pointed

I literally cannot say a thing right! t.

I don't think you said anything wrong here? She just missed a word of her original text, I do it all the time.

lufcgirl

I do thank everyone for their previous posts, and I have taken all advice on board. I do actually admit I'm at fault for the most part, I'm not a victim I've just made some very bad decisions which have ultimately led to resentment.

In regards to her father, I have been there every step of the way. Today we had a chat and she has told me I can't do a thing right with her which she laughed whilst saying- she knows she's been very off with me during this whole period. Which I expected, but I haven't been in a huff or anything about it I've just got over it

And now we're all off to the hospital. Thank you for the advice and I'll be back online tonight I guess

summerspring

lufcgirl wrote: »

Meanwhile, she'd been back to our apartment and started rooting through the couple of boxes of stuff I had brought and found an old work notebook containing drafts of letters from years and years ago to an ex about getting back together. I honestly never even knew what was in that book, however she's never let me forget it.

So she's been reading someone else's letters and got a nasty surprise.. That's why you shouldn't go reading other people's letters


It sounds like the two of you are not getting along as well as you thought you would, so I would cut your losses and get out now, if I were you, or ask her to leave.