Can people ever just move on?

kitrat

lufcgirl wrote: »

The rent side...I pay all the rent, she pays all the household bills. We thought it'd be even but unfortunately it's a £150 difference per month when I worked it out

Oh I see, that' really both your faults, but if she was reasonable and you presented her with accurate figures then you think she'd let you off the £300. Have you really sat down and had a proper chat about it and presented the evidence?

It does sound like you've been less than perfect too, she sounds really fed up with you, it shouldn't be like this so early on in a relationship. I think you've both got to move on. Either she get's over stuff or she doesn't, it sounds like she's not going to and there's no way forward from there.

lufcgirl

Of course, the paying side was a joint screw up so I'm sure we'll sort it. We had only really began talking late on Wednesday night and then the whole hospital thing happened in the middle of the night. She was sat in the living room cuddling me and saying she's sorry and loves me yesterday morning infront of her family, then today has changed again. I just can't keep up.

The money and everything else I feel we will discuss, and I'm no saint, I completely agree. I do mess up and I am stupid sometimes, however I'd never intentionally hurt her!

kitrat

lufcgirl wrote: »

I do mess up and I am stupid sometimes, however I'd never intentionally hurt her!

Indeed, I do think it's quite bizarre for her still to be hung up on the moving in thing in particular. I think life with this person sounds like a trial.

DigForVictory

Can folks move on?
Yes. Noone will say it's painless, or that it may not leave much obvious scar tissue, but yes, you can decide on a thrash it out with a view to closing ledgers & then depart. Or even just "sorry I simply cannot take this." I absolutely get that while her dad's sick & you car is up for an MOT which may be expensive & in the meantime you have access to her wheels, the timing is blinking awkward, but if mamselle is turning out to be hell on wheels under a shared roof, then this may be a painfully weird opportunity.

The moving on bit? Is a survival thing. It's often easier if it's sort of by agreement, if you've both tried to sort out the ledgers, if you've each said what you-as-individuals need to say. Not doing that leaves areas that can fester later. Decades later.

If you are still there at Christmas? Either you've had a massive discussion about life, the universe, finance, conduct, the kitchen sink & whether or not to keep trying and decided to give it another swing from relatively cleared decks, or there is a discussion to have & it won't get any easier for leaving it.

All the best of luck.

FBaby

So you've hit the 'in conflict' bottom. Must likely (as in 99% of times), you will both be at fault. The reality is that you got married before you got confronted with living together properly so it all came to a shock when you had to go through it at a time when the whole romance business was over after the wedding.

Most likely, if you work through it together, you'll be fine. Or...you truly got married much too soon, when you didn't know a thing about each other, and it was a silly mistake. In that case, you'll both go your own way.

If it is the first instance though, the first thing to do is appreciate that it's not about proving each other right or wrong, making a point that the other one needs to make all the changes because they are the one at fault. You need to appreciate that currently, you are both interpreting situations from a totally different perspectives and what you need to do is communicate better so that you can understand how you see and do things differently and respect that one is not forcibly right or wrong. You can then start moving on as a joint couple, not two different people happening to be next to each other. There is only one way about it, LISTENING to each other. The difficult part is going to be not only to get used to listen rather talk to make the other one see how wrong they are, but to be the first one to make the move, because ultimately, either you or she will have to do so.

Whichever direction your marriage take, I wish you good luck.

duchy

Slightly different point of view.

This is NOT all about you.
She is worried about her Dad- Your job is to be her rock at this time. My fiance's Dad was very ill recently and subsequently died. My job was to try and keep the home going- be there for him when he needed me or needed stuff done. He was distracted, overtired and short tempered at times and distant. Not because he didn't care about me but because he had so much to deal with emotionally. I didn't take it personally or start plotting to leave-I just got on with it- helped where I could and rode it out. I doubt that look was that she "despised" you - More there was so much going on at the time -sometimes it just isn't about you. At this point her Dad is her priority. Either you can deal with that or you can't.

I'm not sure why you would arrange to pick up someone else's wedding rings on the day you were moving into your first home together-nor why it would take until 4pm. I'd be less than impressed too.

I'd also be annoyed that a partner "took a risk" booking a holiday they knew they couldn't afford and then expected me to be fine at cancelling a couple of months before -and losing the deposit and expect me not to mind. It'd be the shrug of the shoulders attitude and the needless waste of money losing the deposit that would urk me.

You refer to this lady as your "partner" . I'm not sure you have quite got this partnership bit quite right yet and she's maybe feeling understandably that it is not the partnership she imagined as you can be quite selfish and not think about how your actions make her feel.

trina2010

Fbaby they aren't married.

Seeing someone at weekends and living with someone are totally different things and it looks to me like you weren't ready for such a step. Looking at your times you moved in together after 7 months? I know for some people that isn't quick but it seems now that it was too soon for you.
As others have said, you never really know someone until you live with them. Yes it is a difficult time for her at the minute but you guys should really still be in the honeymoon period of our relationship yet all ur doing is making each other miserable from the sound of it.
You need to have a proper adult conversation about the future of our relationship and move on in whichever way you need to.

Brighton_belle

Got to completely agree with duchy's post - it was very strange to be moving it together and you wanting and choosing to spend the day with someone else? It signals total lack of excitement at moving in: for most people that is a precious and exciting day. Your actions implied she meant very little to you.


At present she will be stressed out about her dad.

dandelionclock30

I'm surprised that your partner didnt offer to pay for the holiday for you. I would have done if it was my partner and I wouldnt be bothered about getting the money back. I view a partnership as that not being like flatmates.

Generali

You're not with her any more. Why are you even talking?

Just move on by which I mean cut her out of your life. Life's too short to carry your ex on your shoulders.