How do you cope with the guilt of being in debt?

eatmyfish

Broken_hearted wrote: »

As for the stress it causes I've been so down I've told the DCa I'd rather slit my wrists than have to deal with them again. If it wasn't for my family I wouldn't be here now. Sometimes it feels like the world is ending, the strength isn't even there to make food or tidy the house.

If you feel this bad you really need to see a doctor.
Depression is not fun, but it is something that can be successfully treated.
Please get some help

trying-very-trying

I've just been reading this thread. Yes, I too felt ashamed of my debt and did go to my GP for anti depressants which are helping. But reading this site helped me to face my debts, and I am now starting on a DMP with cccs. I was feeling much better about the debt until I found the DMP thread and the problems that could still be to come. I try not to read too much of the DMP thread, and instead give thanks for each day there is nothing threatening in the post. Hopefully once my DMP gets sorted out my creditors will accept the offers and then I can concentrate on making the payments. I still feel bad for my children though, it's not their fault that we're skint all the time.

COOKIEWILLOW

eatmyfish wrote: »

If you feel this bad you really need to see a doctor.
Depression is not fun, but it is something that can be successfully treated.
Please get some help

:T WELL DONE, THATS MORE LIKE IT!! YOU ARE HUMAN!!;)

never_too_late_2

pikeygirl wrote: »

Seriously, has the worry of your debts made anyone ill, because at the moment i'm so stressed out and worried, that i'm thinking of going to the doctors for prozac! I can't be the only one out there, but i really feel alone at the moment

All,

You're truly not alone and this forum is ample proof of that.

Debt does make me feel miserable, embarrassed and I am totally obsessing about it but I also know that a year ago today I was even worse off, with no plan to pay it all back.

I find that concentrating on the DFD keeps me going and positive and I've decided to treat this as a challenge so literally any pennies I save (or don't spend) are going towards bringing the day I'm debt free closer. And I almost enjoy keeping my spending diary too - sad I know!

I think a friend of mine put it very well when he went through my finances with me "hey - you had a hell of a time racking this lot up" and he's right, I truly did. And now I'm not having no life, just a budgeted one which involves a bit of planning and thinking.

If you're genuinely so worried and unwell then by all means go and see a doctor but remember, you are definitely not alone.

Sending everyone here a very big hug
ntl
-x-

Storm

OP - we all feel some 'guilt' for want of a better word about our debts because we have accepted that they are our responsibility & no-one elses, however, you would not continue to blame a loved one for 18 months (think that's how long you've been a member here) so you need to find the forgiveness for yourself.

Perhaps you need to figure out exactly what you're feeling guilty about - having run up the debts in the first place, not spending as much as you think you 'should' on loved ones, missing going out with friends etc Once you know the root of your guilt you can do something about it - i.e. if you feel guilty not buying the most expensive gifts for people focus instead on giving them something truly personal as a gift, and your time as well.

You said about the loneliness of debt - I bet if you mention it to friends & family others will start confessing their to you - nearly all my friends know I'm working to clear my credit cards, and they know it's a fairly short-term goal for me so they understand when I turn down big nights out etc. Loads of friends however have also told me about their debts & we're supporting each other through it - considering the level of consumer debt in this country it will be highly unusual if none of your friends & family are in a similar position.

Keep posting though (even at 4am I believe there's often people on the boards!)

cdg1111

OP - I used to feel very guilty - couldn't tell DH the whole thing - he knew were in debt but not how much. Basically we've had money stolen and we are in the process of getting it back. So credit cards / loans / family came into play because we thought we were going to get it back sooner rather than later. Because I kept focussing on the time when we would be better off, I was able to fob people off for a while but there came a time when I could fob no more. At the same time that my income was drastically reduced too. So, to whoever is out there saying that us DFW's must be a bit soft to get this way, let me tell you there are much smarter people than me out there who have gotten themselves into bigger holes.

Guilt - Yes there was, but then I realised a couple of things. I read something by Deepak Chopra about worry. Basically, why worry? If there is something you can do about it, then do it and stop worrying. If there is nothing you can do about it, then don't worry because you can worry all you like but it will not make it any better.

When I reaslised this, it made the whole thing easier to deal with. I spent the best part of a week opening up all the letters I'd stuffed in drawers and in cupboards and worked out who I owed what to. In the meantime I have got a much better job back in the City doing what I know best.

Since my LBM most of our income goies straight out again - mortgage and debt repayments. I have dramatically reduced our spending and now have a plan.

One of the first things I did when things got desperate was to lose the internet - I was working 70+ hours a week anyway so I didn't have the time to use it anyway. This site is the best thing ever - amazing support, generally. The OS thread has helped enormously.

If we don't get our money back, I am still working towards sorting it out myself. It was very hard to come clean to DH as I thought that I had not managed our finances very well. But the real truth is that we all do the best we can at the time with the resources available to us at the time. If I had known about this site 4 years ago I would not have been in this situation. However, I am in this situation but I am on my way to resolving it.

I agree with Hypno about the children - they are learning lessons from us that will last them a lifetime and will get them through uni debt free!

Stick with it - you have friends here.

HairyHandofDartmoor

I don't feel guilty or ashamed because I am doing something about it! In fact I feel quite smug sometimes, because with the knowledge I have gained on here, when I am debt free I will have the ability to make myself rich!

racer256

When I was in debt I felt down and lonely as people didn't realise the extent of it. I didn't tell many people as I felt ashamed that I had got myself in such a mess. It got to the point I wasn't focussing on my work properly, thats when I had my LBM.

Everyday I did something to get me out of debt and dreaming of the day I would be debt free. I would set unrealistic goals of how much I wanted to pay off by a certain time, ok I didn't make it but at least I was aiming high and this what I believe helped me pay if off so quick.

Everytime I was paying some of it off I imagined myself getting out of hole. I am out of it now but I am stronger and I have learned a lot of skills for life. A life lesson learnt.

CharliesAngel

SarahNeedle1872 wrote: »

Whilst I can't wait to be debt free, if I had my time I'd do this journey all over again!

I second that! Most of mine was through getting on the property ladder and getting a car, best thing I did at 23 (straight out of uni)

I borrowed the money, I'll pay it back - Unfortunately with interest but who knows what I would have done without it.

No guilt here

normdeplume

Thank you, thank you everyone. I never expected to get so many responses and it's been interesting to see I am not alone. Indeed, some of the replies have been genuinely moving, eye-wateringly so.

I suppose my guilt arises in being foolish in the first place and in letting down my parents who are marvelous with money in the sense that they seem to magic up sums without ever having had that much themselves. Still waking up early though and I do have an appointment with the Quack just to make sure everything is okay.

But, until I put my plans in motion I've no right or reason to totally despair. Cancelled a direct debit today to raise £70, canceled mobile phone account, swapped to payg and I spent precisely nothing today - yay!

And I've met a lady I really like and who seems to like me. Early days yet though. One thing's for sure: she won't be going with me for my money!
:rotfl:

Ndp