Birth Friends

thorsoak

There has been another thread running, in which birth friends are extremely important to the OP and her 4-year old daughter.

This lead me to thinking about the birth friends of my family - and who is still in touch with who, 35+ years on. Of no 1 son, I still meet up - maybe once a year - with one lady beside whom I would puff and pant during our NCT classes. There were, I seem to remember 5 of us, and I can recall the names of 3 of them, plus the names of their babies - can't remember the name of the 4th one, and will have to ask C if she can remember. When the babies were tiny, we'd meet up each week, and share each and every new step in their development - and although it dropped off a bit when we had 2nd babies - 2 of us in the same month, and the others around about the same time, and other babies became birth friends.

However once the children became older - first time round, there were 3 (2 of them twins) boys, 3 girls, next time 3 girls 1 boy we seemed to spend more time sorting out their squabbles - although No 1 son and twins are still friends now (age 45+!) DD absolutely HATED one of the other girls by the time they were 6 - although I've remained good friends with her mum (C) since then.

By the time babies 3 & 4 came along, I was involved in setting up one of the first Preschool Playgroups and Mother & Toddler Groups and college etc - and with siblings and sibling friends, DS 3 and DS4 friendships tended to start once they started playgroups themselves.

So what I'm wondering is - how many birth friendships remain into adulthood? How many of the child birth friendships fizzle out, but the mothers remain friends?

I think to a first-time mum, in a new area, these friendships with other new parents were important, bolstering up confidence, sharing insecurities etc - but whether now, with both parents working and with both parents taking an equal share of the parenting, have they, like the Preschool Playgroups, had their day?

lilmissreading

I am 38 weeks pg with our first so will let you know!

What I can tell you is that DH is meeting the NCT dads separately this week. Can't imagine my dad doing the same.

I remember being friends with a girl and a boy whose parents (mums) my mum met while pg who are same age as me. One mother and daughter emigrated to Sweden in adulthood. I drifted from the girl when I went to uni but mum stayed in touch with her mum. I don't think I've seen the other since teenage years, nor has mum.

She is still friends with a schoolfriend's mum (think that would have been when I was 10). Neither myself nor my brothers are still friends with her children.

I think moving away has a lot to do with it. None of these people are within a 30 min drive.

I should also say that I did NCT classes to make friends primarily as a first time mum.

balletshoes

I can barely recall the names of any of the group of women I went to ante-natal classes with. I didn't really chat much to any of the women I was in maternity hospital with (one night in one hospital, then one night in another), and I didn't go to mother and toddler classes.

So my DD had no birth friends (but we were surrounded by friends and family, including near-age cousins etc).

When she was settled in nursery, she had 2 best friends, but we didn't live near each other, all 3 girls went off to different primary schools, and apart from a couple of playdates during the first term or so of school (my DD started reception before the others, even though they were older than her) we haven't met up since.

Currently my DD is 13, and her best friend is a girl she met in reception when they were both 4 years old.

CH27

I didn't go to ante natal classes.

I had several friends who had children around the same time as me so son has always known them. They get along at xmas, birthdays etc but certainly aren't close.

Son made friends with 3 boys in reception & they are now 19 & very close.

victory

thorsoak wrote: »

There has been another thread running, in which birth friends are extremely important to the OP and her 4-year old daughter.

This lead me to thinking about the birth friends of my family - and who is still in touch with who, 35+ years on. Of no 1 son, I still meet up - maybe once a year - with one lady beside whom I would puff and pant during our NCT classes. There were, I seem to remember 5 of us, and I can recall the names of 3 of them, plus the names of their babies - can't remember the name of the 4th one, and will have to ask C if she can remember. When the babies were tiny, we'd meet up each week, and share each and every new step in their development - and although it dropped off a bit when we had 2nd babies - 2 of us in the same month, and the others around about the same time, and other babies became birth friends.

However once the children became older - first time round, there were 3 (2 of them twins) boys, 3 girls, next time 3 girls 1 boy we seemed to spend more time sorting out their squabbles - although No 1 son and twins are still friends now (age 45+!) DD absolutely HATED one of the other girls by the time they were 6 - although I've remained good friends with her mum (C) since then.

By the time babies 3 & 4 came along, I was involved in setting up one of the first Preschool Playgroups and Mother & Toddler Groups and college etc - and with siblings and sibling friends, DS 3 and DS4 friendships tended to start once they started playgroups themselves.

So what I'm wondering is - how many birth friendships remain into adulthood? How many of the child birth friendships fizzle out, but the mothers remain friends?

I think to a first-time mum, in a new area, these friendships with other new parents were important, bolstering up confidence, sharing insecurities etc - but whether now, with both parents working and with both parents taking an equal share of the parenting, have they, like the Preschool Playgroups, had their day?

My oldest friend I met when I was 5, we now live different countries but with social media and flights it's easy enough to get together, keep in touch but I don't have any birth friends and neither do my DS everyone moved around so much, they can be found on Facebook I would say but not in each other's lives in real life no, no birth friends:D

gettingtheresometime

tbh I have no 'birth' friends from when I went to ante-natal classes though it transpired one of the boy's mums in my son's class was in the same ward as me at the same time......didn't recognise her though!

haven't really kept in contact with people I've worked with either in the past......

....bit anti-social really aren't I?????

bloolagoon

I met up later at school but it was more school/nursery that kindled than just being pregnant and attending baby signing classes. Some kept in contact with each other as were SAHM with plenty time to do ladies that lunch but as I worked full time I didn't have the time for things like that once I went back to work.

balletshoes

gettingtheresometime wrote: »

tbh I have no 'birth' friends from when I went to ante-natal classes though it transpired one of the boy's mums in my son's class was in the same ward as me at the same time......didn't recognise her though!

haven't really kept in contact with people I've worked with either in the past......

....bit anti-social really aren't I?????

i am too then - I'm not in contact with anyone I went to school with (except my cousins). My friends now, I met as an adult, in various scenarios through the years.

Gigervamp

None. I didn't make any friends at ante-natal classes although I did make a friend through the penpal pages of Mother and Baby magazine. We stayed friends for a few years until she got jealous of another friendship I made and flounced off.

As I've moved around a bit, I've lost contact with friends I made from the school playground.

Having said that, I know my (now adult) kids have caught up with some of their primary school friends through Facebook.

building_with_lego

I have a couple of friends left from ante and postnatal groups a decade ago, and we now have eight children between us.

We see each other a handful of times a year as the children attend different primary schools, but every time we meet up it's like we've never been apart, the children click back into playing together, and the oldest three are excited about the possibility of meeting up at secondary school. They refer to each other as "good friends", which we mothers think is rather lovely


I'm still loosely in touch with three people from primary school, but without the magical facebook I wouldn't have a clue about any of them.

nearlyrich

My eldest was friends at school with a boy who's mum I met at anti natal class and I sometimes see his mum around town but I would call her an acquaintance rather than a friend. One od my work colleagues has friends from NCT classes from both children who he/they go away on weekends with from time to time...