Working from home and relationships

onlyroz

I was working from home on Friday and for part of the day hubby was in the same room. I'd been working solidly for an hour and then I needed to install some software - so I took a breather while the installation chugged away and read a news website. Of course that was when hubby looked around with the comment "working hard, I see". :mad:

Happier_Me

I think you're hubby and mum have got used to being the centre of your attention. Stick to your guns, your DH will come round.

As for your mum I would lay down some rules now you are working. If that doesn't work turn the ringer off.

I have worked from home for one day a week for a few years. Hubby works in an office. He doesn't believe I work on my days at home. He often gives me 'jobs' to do, such as 'can you nip to the shop, phone such and such, post this for me, take the car in for repair'. Annoying or what!Some people just don't get working from home. Maybe your hubby needs some time to adjust to his own change in working patterns as well as you working.

Edwardia

Taking a late lunch break..

Yesterday I had to go to hospital for eye check up (I have Type 2 diabetes) and OH came with me. My lovely consultant asked how I am, I told him abt new career and he was really happy for me, told me it was great news. I could see OH out of corner of my eye, taking it all in..

My mother.. ARGH. Told her not to call me this week unless her leg is dropping off.. so she calls me at early o'clock and wakes me up so she can get her chatter in my ear bc she said, she thought I'd be up earlier to start work and she wanted to talk to me before I did.

She knows when I get up, I was hacked off and um Aries temper I gave her both barrels, sorrynotsorry.

Hopefully, she won't do it again. It was so selfish and disingenuous too bc she knows I don't do Early. So, nope no chatting from me today even when I've called it a day. She might get idea she is in doghouse and I don't actually care abt stray cats, who said what to whom in the village or what they made on Come Dine With Me. :mad::mad: Especially not at 0730 !!!!!!

Unless it's related to food (can you put X on Ocado order) OH verry rarely asks me to do errand for him. When he really needs something fast I'll do it eg certified copy of birth cert, a tux but everyday stuff nope. I wasn't going to leave painting a wall and go pick a suit up lol.

quidsy

about the complaints from OH about cleaning etc. Does he do his share or does he expect you to do all cause you are working from home?

If he does do his bit then how about getting your share out of the way before you start working in the morning, that way when he does come in he isn't confronted with a load of dirty dishes etc. TBH if my oh was home even working & I came in after being out all day to a tip I wouldn't be happy either. When I worked from home I used what used to be my commute time to tidy around, put on washing or run a hoover around. I personally couldn't work in a dirty space.

If he doesn't do his share them tell him to pick up a duster & do it himself.

Edwardia

OH does do his fair share, for sure. He is whinging abt garden looking neglected but that's because there were birds nests and RSPB asked me not to disturb them. I'll get round to that when leaves have dropped. No point doing it twice.

Anyway spoke to my mother again today. In the end she admitted that she called because she "didn't think it would matter".

So waking me up at 0730 to chat to me is more important in her eyes than me writing. Let's say I didn't pull any punches in telling her it IS important to me and that I want to have some financial independence again. I told her that if she wants me to visit her next week, she has to let me get on with this without any interruptions.

I did get quite cross, because really I'm fuming. Her basic problem is that my father spolied her to bits. He died prematurely from cancer. I know she misses him, so do I. But she's financially secure. She was used to being on that pedestal and the world revolving around her. My bro is carp at calling, visiting etc so it all falls on me.

It feels like she'll run round lunching and doing charity committee stuff and village things, shopping and holidays.. and some weeks she has so much of it I don't see her "I'm too busy".

Me.. I'm not allowed to be busy. I even have to rearrange Ocado. When I go see her (two hr round trip, 2 trains £14) I'm there usually 1000-1900. When she comes here I get 4 hrs of her time if I'm lucky.

So sorry to vent here but feeling cheesed.

Talked to OH abt her and it does seem like he is taking on board that he could be better abt it as well.

So think OH and I will adjust, the PITA will be my mother.

duchy

"Oh the postman is knocking -I'll call you back this evening"

"Just got to a vital point in a recipe-I'll ring you tomorrow"

"Just popping out-I'll ring you when I've finished work this afternoon"

"Just got out of the shower-I'll ring you back after my meeting today"

So long as you do call back when you say you will she'll get used to it. Don't argue -it keeps the conversation going - but if it isn't a convenient time say so - even if the reason you give isn't accurate but more tailored to what she can accept/ understand.

If once you've told her when you'll call back she rings before then - ignore it or turn off the ringer-you have caller display I presume.

You can't change what she does completely but you can change how you react to her actions. If you don't want to argue with her- don't. Be firm and consistent. "Hi Mum Lovely to hear your voice but I'm just on my way out " bright , cheery and matter of fact (and no "reward" if she tries ringing back -just a ringing tone or voicemail) rather than a row to seethe over spoiling the rest of your day. Use the inner actress to your advantage !

Skinto_7

Edwardia wrote: »

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I was made redundant shortly before we moved in together. It was my money which paid for deposit, first month's rent, white goods and so forth. When we were struggling I cashed in some investments nd again to do stuff to the house. I don't have any investments left.

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Edwardia wrote: »

fabforty when OH bought the house I was the one doing most of the DIY and project managing electricians etc. Hand-stripping twelve layers of wallpaper off 8ft high horsehair plaster walls is hard work.


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Slightly off topic, but is the house bought or rented, you seem to contradict yourself as above.

If it is rented, than why are you doing major works that require project managed, this is wasted cash that should be down to your landlord!!

On topic, seems pretty simple to me if your working, no matter whenh this is, you tell whoever is bothering you (mum or husband) taht your busy working and will talk to them when your finished.

duchy

I took that to mean they rented together prior to buying and their current home isn't their first home together.

Edwardia

duchy wrote: »

I took that to mean they rented together prior to buying and their current home isn't their first home together.

Yes first and second homes together were rented then OH bought current house.

I don't like lying. My mother does it to ppl all the time. She won't tell her friend that she doesn't want to go to an event so she spins this story abt taking me to the hospital (she never has). Then bc she doesn't want friend to drive past and see her car and know she's lying (and bc garage is full of carp anyway so she can't stash car) she goes out for the day.

I won't do stuff like that. And if I said I was going out shopping I'd get " I would have come" and then she wouldn't be able to resist calling to find out what I bought.

The truth is less hassle.

Tamara_2

Hi Edwardia,
I work from home and I'm also a writer. Some of the time I spend at my Mac, writing, but I also spend a good deal of time thinking, planning and preparing synopses (I write fiction) and I like to do this with pen and paper. That means I don't have to be in my study at my Mac, but can sit on a sofa somewhere else in the house if I choose to!
People who don't write for a living can have very skewed ideas about how a writer actually works and often don't realise that 'thinking' is an essential part of the process - you're not simply doing nothing! Mr_Toad also made a good point about this. Your husband needs to understand and accept your work routine, whatever that entails.
Good luck with the article!