Working from home and relationships

Edwardia

I'm posting this here bc the problems are less to do with us working from home than relationship issues with husband and mother.

After getting married, OH didn't want me to work away from home/abroad so when I was made redundant I became SAHW. I went to college then uni as a mature student but didn't work much,

My mother, husband etc were all used to me being at home, able to change plans at the drop of a hat. This year, I got a direct message on Twitter, from a magazine editor of a mag I follow, asking would I like to write for them. I had written before, just not this kind of stuff. So I've been working from home for a few months now.

A few weeks ago, OH changed jobs. He too is now based at home although he's out 3 or 4 days a week at least all over SE.

So that's the background..

The problem is if I'm not writing when he thinks I should be ie when he is working, he gets grumpy. If I'm writing late at night, he gets grumpy. If I'm researching on the internet it doesn't necessarily look like I'm working. He also chases me up more than my editor !

My mother, having told me not to answer the phone if I'm writing, doesn't think that includes her. She'll call and if I don't answer, she'll just keep calling. She doesn't leave msgs on voicemall even though she screens all her own calls via answering machine. She can text but won't, she can email from her iPad but rarely does.

When I do answer bc she's annoying me she's calling because she found a stray kitten or something. If I don't pick up landline OH gets hacked off bc it rings in his study too and he might be on phone himself.

I call my mother every day and if poss I see her every week (1 hr train journey).

Managing their expectations is a problem. Ideas pls ?

theoretica

To take the easy one - get a landline you can set to voicemail while you are working.

Beckyy

"Hi Mum, I'm really busy with work just now so I'll call you back this evening for a chat" or, as above - voicemail while working.

I'm not sure what to say about OH. I can only think that explaining to him when he calls you up on it, and hoping that it sinks in eventually. Do you have a spare room that you could use for working?

Ames

How about a rule where if either of you are in your study then you're working and it's out of bounds unless for something important?

Doesn't solve the problem of him complaining about your hours though. But as it's only been a few weeks maybe he'll get used to it soon?

HPoirot

If his work was office-based before, it can be very disconcerting finding people lolling about in broad daylight. Pretend to work and give him time to adjust.

shegirl

Could your husbands problem with you not working at the times he is and working late at night, possibly be because he'd rather things were out of the way so you could enjoy more time together?

Edwardia

shegirl - yes I think you have a valid point but I've been doing this longer than he has and he didn't have a problem with me working in evenings before.

HPoirot - lol er yeah I do tend to loll abt the place with laptop

Ames - he works in his study, although when his iPad arrives he says he wants to sofa-surf. He does have one in his study tho. I find it difficult to tie myself to one particular room, I do have a study tho.

Beckyy and theoretica yes good ideas but the landline is on voicemail, my mother just ignores it and re-dials that's why it annoys OH.

Maybe I could use him being annoyed as a reason ?

Spendless

Would it cause any problems if you unplugged the landline?

Brighton_belle

Edwardia wrote: »

Beckyy and theoretica yes good ideas but the landline is on voicemail, my mother just ignores it and re-dials that's why it annoys OH.

Maybe I could use him being annoyed as a reason ?

Could you turn the 'bell' off during your working hrs - so it goes to voice mail and you can't hear the bell?

pollypenny

You have my sympathy.

I used to mark in the dining room, we didn't have a study. OH would come in and start talking about nothing, then get all snappy when I protested that I was working.

I think shutting yourself away is the only answer,

peachyprice

Brighton_belle wrote: »

Could you turn the 'bell' off during your working hrs - so it goes to voice mail and you can't hear the bell?

Yes, this, if your current phone doesn't do it, go get one that does.

I work from home too and I don't always have time to sit and chat to friends/family, on those days I have the ringer off but leave the phone next to me, if it flashes up with someone I need to talk to I answer, if not I ignore it. It's 1000 times easier to ignore a flashing phone than a ringing one!