Grown up kids and contributing to household budget

LilacLillie

WHY?????????
LL

Woby_Tide wrote:

whatever posters on here do, don't let deemy2004 on the mortgage board see this he'll have a heart attack...;)

(or his parents for that matter!)

Woby_Tide

deemy is married with 2 kids and they all live at his parents. He did let it slip that he's kind enough to pay half the household bills(thats the bills, rent and board are free!) whilst he saves c.£20k a year to put towards a house(think he's been there 2 years or something). His parents must be the worst MSE'rs out there, I bet he deletes his internet history when he logs off....:)

Murtle

Woby_Tide wrote:

deemy is married with 2 kids and they all live at his parents. He did let it slip that he's kind enough to pay half the household bills(thats the bills, rent and board are free!) whilst he saves c.£20k a year to put towards a house(think he's been there 2 years or something). His parents must be the worst MSE'rs out there, I bet he deletes his internet history when he logs off....:)

I completely forgot about that.....that has just made me laugh :rotfl: , as much as I love my Mum, we love our independence as well!!!

LilacLillie: are there things that you could save towards that you have always wanted to do but haven't??? Now would be a good time, then you can have something to look forward to whilst you sort out the payment issues with your son. Good luck

(My Mum always used to tell me that I was NEVER too old to be put over her knee and spanked!!!! I'm around the same age as your son....... )

hilstep2000

I used to pay my mum a quarter of what I earned, and every time I got a rise she did too. My daughter is about to leave colege and go to work full time, she's agreed to do the same. After all, they can't live in a flat for £30 a week!!!

jellyhead

i agree with the others lilac, think of something you could have for yourself if you started saving. if you work then it could be cutting down your hours (my mum was able to drop a shift a week at work and become a member of a private gym with a gorgeous pool and sauna once brother and his girlfriend started paying their way), if you're not working then think about a new kitchen, the cruise of a lifetime etc. or just tell your son you're sponsoring every child in a village in africa then he might see that you're spending your money on something so there's a real reason for him to start to contribute. depending on how selfish or unreasonable he is (and he might not be, like my littlest brother he might be a lovely person who's just got into the habit of being supported, hasn't realised that he's an adult yet) he might view your sudden 'need' to have savings for yourself as a reason for him to pull his weight, whereas otherwise he just sees it as you being able to support him but refusing (but that's okay too, he's not a teenager and he's not at college). what were you and your husband doing at 27? were you working? would you have had self respect if you'd only worked part time and weren't supporting yourself?

what happens when your son gets a girlfriend, or even has children - can you support all of them? not that many women would be interested in somebody living his lifestyle to be perfectly frank. i'm appalled at your sons friend though - what's he or she thinking of expecting you to pay for the holiday - who on earth would accept a holiday paid for by somebody elses parents ?!!!

teaching your son to stand on his own two feet will be for his own good in the long run, really. all of us who've posted here about paying board have said it taught us something, even if it was begrudged at the time. also, employers - what exactly does your son do, because he's getting a bit old to be working part time and it won't be long before potential employers will look at his record and laugh. if he has no physical reason to not work full time and he isn't caring for his children etc. then people really will have no respect for him as a person if he hasn't grown a bit more self reliant and started to work full time before he's 30. i know that sounds harsh but it's true, unless he's going to stay in his current job for life, but will that enable him to support a family one day? does he expect to live with you and stay single forever?

my little brother is now 24 and has matured enough to want to move out. his girlfriend works full time and he's had to up his hours to pay the rent and bills. they even talk about kids but his girlfriend just laughs at him and says he'll never work hard enough or earn enough to afford kids, and he's too lazy around the house to be a full time house husband so that option's out too. being so spoiled hasn't done him any favours really.

margaretclare

Did anyone happen to see 'Spendaholics' on BBC3 last night - I was watching it while B was at college because I couldn't take any more election stuff. Graham and his Mum - he just used her like a bottomless pit of money, incredible really.

Aunty Margaret

VickyA_2

My brother was sponging off my parents for sometime too. He'd graduated from university, got a job and wasn't paying my parents any rent. My dad didn't want to push the issue because he thought that he'd be pushing my brother away (farming family, didn't want to upset the son and heir!). I still get really angry about it as he really was taking the p*** and obviously upsetting my mum. What made it even worse was he got made redundant, worked on the farm for a while over harvest last year and then refused to do other jobs that my mum had lined up because he "couldn't be bothered" - these were things like painting and decorating, mending things around the house. Luckily he took his redundancy money and is currently in Australia bumming and surfing around from temp job to temp job. Grrrrr. It makes me so angry sometimes. Hopefully he'll learn something about money over in Oz.

I on the other hand, always had summer jobs when I lived at home and paid a nominal rent to my mum. Oh, and I went straight from uni into a job 100 miles away from my parents. No hope of sponging off my parents and I had to (and still have to) pay my rent and bills.

culpepper

When I started work at 16,I had to give my mum £8 of my £20 wages. Then fares to work cost £8 and food at work was about £1.20 a week.My brother and I had to put money in the meter if we wanted a bath or the heater in our room.I bought a bike after a very long time of saving up which cut out the fares eventually.
Our wages did rise and so did mums 'rent' but when I left home I still had enough for a downpayment for a mortgage so she must have been doing us a favour after all.

Trollydolly_2

I havnt read all the posts coz its so long so im sorry if i repeat someone.

From when i was 17 and earning a proper decent wage i had to pay £150 a month to my mum and dad, I was on about £700 a month, i also had to pay the difference in the council tax, some food, phone, my car and my car insurance.

I think that was fair and helped me budget for the future. As my wage went up, so did the payments i had to make.

Eventually i moved out and rented for a while, I have been living for free with my grandmother BUT i act as her carer for free board.
Im just in the process of buying a house, for myself and im only 23.

Im shocked that your son is 27 and getting away scot free!

It sounds to me that you really dont feel comfortable taking the money off him because you feel you dont need it, just that he "should" be doing something.

If thats the case i would take him down to the job centre and insist that he gets a full time job. Then as the others have said charge him for all the things he should be charged for Rent, food, lecky, sky etc.

BUT

put the money in a savings account for him, without him knowing about it( as u said, u can afford not to take the money off him).

Eventually he will realise that he might aswel go and get his own place if he has to pay anyway. When he does you can then present him with a cheque or a sofa and some appliances!

The first step is to get him a full time job though. But you know that already.

DONT BE A DOORMAT!

Im 23 and have just bought my first house, my mum and dad have paid for it but im paying them back as i would a mortgage (they are only lending me the money as i couldnt get a mortgage for a very high amount), i have been working since i was 13, i had to buy my own school uniform EVERYTHING but in 3-4 weeks i will be a homeowner with a nice car, a fab job, a lovely boyfriend, 2 dogs and 2 fab parents that taught me how to manage for myself!

Good Luck xx

hermit-crab

Perhaps I'm showing my age here;

In my day, if one lived at home, the entire wage packet was handed over to the head of the house-hold (in our case, Mother).

She then gave back what she felt was our due. We never argued, just accepted and felt grateful.