Struggling to move on :-(

FBaby

Anger is a natural reaction and a good emotion as that is what will make you move on quicker (as long as it doesn't become a mean for revenge of course). It is also totally normal to feel removed from the idea of another relationship but nature is kind and when tout will have moved on there will come a time when you will appreciate that not all men are like your ex. Doesn't mean you have to look for someone else at any time nor that you will trust again freely but you might be prepared to give someone a chance.

pinkshoes

It really does just take time unfortunately. I think I spent a good year getting over one ex...

The best method i found was doing something new that had no association with the old relationship e.g. I took up street dance classes. I was rubbish at it, but it made me laugh, and i met some equally useless people, and we all had a good giggle trying to do the moves!

It felt good to have something new to laugh over rather than something old to mope over

Billie-S

Hi VC :j

I am so sorry to hear of your suffering and sadness, and as many have already highlighted, it's very common to still feel like this for a long time after. 8 weeks is nothing. You may meet someone else soon, and the pain will diminish faster, but if you don't meet someone soon, then it will take longer, but you will be fine eventually.

It has been a long time since I was cheated on/dumped, as I have been married over 20 years now, but I still remember it, and although it doesn't bother me now as such; I still remember it as an unpleasant memory.

What I HAVE to say though, is (as I think someone touched on earlier,) don't think/assume/believe that their relationship is all cute and cosy and lovey-dovey. Things are rarely what they seem. It may be OK now, but if it is, it may not be for long...

I have a friend whose husband walked out on her 3 years ago for a woman at his workplace. She was fun-loving and fluffy and cute and made him laugh, and was a free spirit, full of adventure and sassiness, and positively fragrant. (Basically the way my friend was when he met her, before her spirit was tarnished by being a skivvy to him and the kids for 16 years!)

My friend's life was turned upside down, and her son and daughter (12 and 15 at the time) were devastated by what their father did to their mother. It took her a year to get back relatively to normal, and she met another man shortly after the one-year anniversary, at a course she went on. She started dating him, but kept him at arm's length, as she had been so badly hurt before.

Just a few months after this, her husband turned up at her house saying that he had made the biggest mistake of his life leaving her for this other woman, and he wanted her back. Turns out that he had seen her with this other man, AND things had turned badly sour with the new woman, and the grass was not only not greener on the other side, but positively dead. :rotfl:

Suffice to say, he and the other woman finished soon after, my friend did NOT have him back, and she is still with the guy from the course. Still dating, 20 months on, taking it very slowly. And the ex? He can't move on from HER now. And his kids HATE him for what he did.

Shame.

You will be fine sweetie. I promise. But feel free to rant and scream on here. We are here to listen and make you feel better. :beer:

Oh and P.S. Stop torturing yourself by looking at them on facebook/twitter etc!!!

System

It takes time, just think of the negative things you didn't like about him. Failing that, concentrate on the anger. 'How dare he dump me?' sort of thing. Obviously don't do anything about it because that's where you lose your dignity.


Big hugs.

Horace

Things will get better with time, in the meantime as others have said find something fun to do that will take your mind off him. Don't follow what he is doing on Facebook or Twitter, delete his number from your phone or be involved in gossip about him. By stalking him in this way you are causing yourself more hurt - he made his bed, let him lie in it.

You need to learn to love yourself and value yourself above everybody else (you come first, not second or last). Don't be put off men for life - they are not all like the waste of space that ex of your's. You are not ready for a new relationship just yet but in time you will be. Get out there and have some fun, life is too short to be spent wondering about the what ifs - you have one life so live it.

It isn't nice being dumped, I can remember it happening to me and at first I wallowed in self pity but then my friends gave me a kick up the bum and told me to get out there and live my life. Doing something different took my mind off the what ifs and now I look back and wonder what I saw in him in the first place because my life is so much better without him in it.

VestanPance

You learnt a valuable lesson. You can't trust anyone, so never be stupid enough to do so again.

19lottie82

VestanPance wrote: »

You learnt a valuable lesson. You can't trust anyone, so never be stupid enough to do so again.

Don't be so ridiculous.

System

VestanPance wrote: »

You learnt a valuable lesson. You can't trust anyone, so never be stupid enough to do so again.

Ive told you before, not all women are like your ex.

Brighton_belle

VestanPance wrote: »

You learnt a valuable lesson. You can't trust anyone, so never be stupid enough to do so again.

You're not comparing 'like with like': you were in a committed relationship where you had made public vows to each other of faithfulness etc and were utterly betrayed by your wife's affair. The OP was in a relationship, but it wasn't a committed one - 2 years in and he still wouldn't let her meet his children.
So painful as it is for the OP right now, hopefully, she will meet someone one day with whom she can build the sort of trusting relationship she longs for but hasn't really had with this man.


Vodkachick - I know it must seem like they are 'madly in love' right now, and maybe they are...but that is a world away from a sustained cherishing and mutually nurturing relationship.

victory

VestanPance wrote: »

You learnt a valuable lesson. You can't trust anyone, so never be stupid enough to do so again.

How is your bitterness over the terrible way you were treated going to allow you to have a great life?

The best ' revenge' is living well