Struggling to move on :-(

vodkachick68

Hi
Some of you may remember I posted on here 8 weeks ago regarding the split with my ex bf. I am a bit better than I was but I'm still struggling to move on. I still keep dwelling about the callous way he ended it and the fact that he's all nice and happy with his new floozie and I'm left to pick up the pieces.

There not a day goes by that it's not on my mind and I'm still reeling from it all. Please tell me things get easier as it certainly doesn't feel like it ever will.

I try and keep myself occupied with work etc but it so hard and then I hear of the grapevine that they are madly in love with each other and he's been so attentive to her.

Sorry to ramble on :-(

millysg1

Yes, it does get better.

and im not just saying that to make you feel better. I have had some friends who have gone through so horrible break up and they felt it would never get better but a year on they are so much happier and living life to the full.

You shouldn't be hearing anything on the grapevine. It is no help to you so anyone who is passing on this gossip to you, tell them your not interested on hearing anything more about them and you would appreciate it if they didn't mention them.

You need to conserve your energy for yourself and feeling better about life. This isn't easier and it is a one day at a time thing.

I don't think I read your last forum post but I am sorry to hear your struggles but I hope you see the light at the end of the tunnel soon - and HUGS!

mattc1

Sorry to hear that, maybe if its possible try and cut the ties that mean you have to hear about them
might make things a bit easier while you are struggling.

BigAunty

Look into mindfulness and meditation. There are online stress reduction based mindfulness techniques, online guided meditation sessions or see if there are courses held locally.

This will retrain your mind to enjoy the current moment without regurgitating the past and fretting about the future, stop you comparing your situation with others, show you how to stop being overwhelmed by intrusive thoughts and getting caught up in them, become grateful for what you have rather than focus on what you don't, how to be kind to yourself.

This isn't a distraction technique like keeping yourself busy or trying to ignore it - as you have discovered, trying to repress things doesn't work. This is about acknowledging how you feel and by accepting it, help it to dissipate. It's about getting insight about how so much of our life is unstable and impermanent without getting distressed by the amount of change,learning how to get rid of attachments and clinging, stopping the mind from wandering by learning more productive attention directing techniques.

Look into talking therapies - counselling.

If you are having a crisis, call the Samaritans for a sympathetic ear. They aren't just a suicide prevention charity, they help anyone in emotional distress.

fairy_lights

vodkachick68 wrote: »

Hi
I try and keep myself occupied with work etc but it so hard and then I hear of the grapevine that they are madly in love with each other and he's been so attentive to her.

Sorry to ramble on :-(

I had a look at your other thread...so this new girlfriend is the one he moved on to very quickly after you, possibly cheated on you with?
I bet they're not really having as great a time as you think, you can't be 'Madly in love' with someone after such a short time, and his attentiveness to her is probably just for show.
He doesn't sound like such a great guy anyway, it doesn't sound like you're missing much!

Of course it will get easier but it's still early days, don't be too hard on yourself about still feeling sad.

onomatopoeia99

Eight weeks is not a long time at all after a painful breakup. I didn't see your other topic, but have certainly "been there" in that I was left suddenly by someone I had been with for years who then moved straight in with the new chap she had lined up to replace me, and kept telling mutual friends how great things were, which inevitably got back to me as she knew it would, so it felt like she was rubbing my nose in it.

If my own experience is anything to go by, do not be surprised if it takes you months to regain your equilibrium. It did me, and it was much longer than that before I could contemplate dating again.

BigAunty

Yes, I currently have a friend who split up with her boyfriend a couple of years ago having her nose rubbed in by his recent wedding and another friend who split up with their partner 5 years ago because they didn't want marriage or kids, only to find out recently they were married and pregnant. This type of split is a long-term painful thing for the person that didn't want it to end and there are continual reminders, not least via social media or gossip.

Errata

It will get easier, but just give it a bit of time. Meanwhile - draw his face on a pillow case, put it on a pillow and kick and clatter the living daylights out of it - often. It's a very rewarding activity.

FBaby

It will get a bit easier every day until you find your own happiness with someone else or on your own and it becomes an evidence that you are so much better off without him and the pain will then be gone.

pickledonionspaceraider

Oh Vodkachick

I totally empathise,

Things will 100% definitely get better. It will take time. Don't feel bad about still being low - people recover at different rates. How low you feel is the grieving of the death of a relationship.

In the meantime, I would do as someone said earlier, cut all contact - you don't need to know what he is up to - you will only suffer the more for it. Knowing what he is doing is a form of torture to yourself. Delete him out of your phone - delete him out of your life

Relationships built on other peoples misery (cheating etc) rarely go the distance - him and the floozie will not have any level of trust whatsoever or any solid foundation to work on. It is Karma, and is completely true of every relationship I have ever witnessed that was birthed out of someone elses tears. At some point in the future, you will be able to think ''phew...had a close escape there'' - but it does take time


In the meantime, take your time to heal, keep a diary and write down all the negative feelings and thoughts so you can get them out and grow as a person without any bitterness inside you

Do what feels right at the minute, if you want to be out with friends then go for it - if you want to curl up with icecream in your PJ's then do it - do what feels comfortable at this stage. When you are down, well meaning friends will try to comfort you, and if you have the energy then go along with it - if you don't, don't. As your mood lifts, your energy levels will return

I wish you well - and a brighter future does await you. You deserve someone who will treat you well - you just haven't met him yet

vodkachick68

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

Oh Vodkachick

I totally empathise,

Things will 100% definitely get better. It will take time. Don't feel bad about still being low - people recover at different rates. How low you feel is the grieving of the death of a relationship.

In the meantime, I would do as someone said earlier, cut all contact - you don't need to know what he is up to - you will only suffer the more for it. Knowing what he is doing is a form of torture to yourself. Delete him out of your phone - delete him out of your life

Relationships built on other peoples misery (cheating etc) rarely go the distance - him and the floozie will not have any level of trust whatsoever or any solid foundation to work on. It is Karma, and is completely true of every relationship I have ever witnessed that was birthed out of someone elses tears. At some point in the future, you will be able to think ''phew...had a close escape there'' - but it does take time


In the meantime, take your time to heal, keep a diary and write down all the negative feelings and thoughts so you can get them out and grow as a person without any bitterness inside you

Do what feels right at the minute, if you want to be out with friends then go for it - if you want to curl up with icecream in your PJ's then do it - do what feels comfortable at this stage. When you are down, well meaning friends will try to comfort you, and if you have the energy then go along with it - if you don't, don't. As your mood lifts, your energy levels will return

I wish you well - and a brighter future does await you. You deserve someone who will treat you well - you just haven't met him yet

Thankyou so much for your kind words :-) funny cos a couple of my friends have gone through the same thing as me and they are a year ahead and say that they feel so much better and time is a healer. Unfortunately it doesn't feel like that when your going through it.

The thought of having another man in my life makes me feel sick! I feel that I can never trust anyone else ever again. I just keep thinking how he treated me in the end and I feel really angry as I feel he strung me along through the whole relationship.