Marriage break-up, how can I get him out of the house?

justme111

You tried to keep your marriage because you wanted to. He would move out if he wanted to . Apparently he does not. You want to make him to do what he does not want to do and has legal right not to do.

Trying_to_be_good

gettingtheresometime wrote: »

Then you need to get out of the situation and rent a room until all the legal bits are done,

May be expensive but surely the piece of mind would be worth it

Staying, just because you're in the right, isn't always the right thing to do

Thank you. I had wondered about this.

What I've read before says not to move out. Doesn't it cause more legal issues? I want him out whilst I buy him out. He has no ability to buy me out, and doesn't look are the property (partly as he doesn't have much financial interest in it, partly because that's just how he codes to be). So I don't know what state it would be in if I were to move out. I'm away during the week with my work.

Trying_to_be_good

justme111 wrote: »

You tried to keep your marriage because you wanted to. He would move out if he wanted to . Apparently he does not. You want to make him to do what he does not want to do and has legal right not to do.

He wants to be divorced, but not move out. I think that's weird. I just get to keep paying for my home, but not really be there as he's there, yet he earns more.

justme111

Not weird , he wants to keep the house the same as you do. Why you wanting it is right but him .wanting it is weird ?
They say not to move out because the party that stays in if that party does not want the house sold can stall the sale . Hopefully some more knowledgeable people will give you more details. See solicitor in any.case. Your life with him affects you - you move out. Unless there is violence . Simple.

justme111

Re love. You.said "I love him". You used present tense.When I questioned how does it fit with you wanting to kick him out against his will matches you loving him you said "but I did many things for him". You used past tense. How what you done in the past proves what you feel in .present ?

justme111

Your wish to keep control of the sale of the house by staying there and not incur cost and hassle of moving is logical. (Although you will not have all the control , he has to ok the sale anyway). What I am trying to point out is that just because you want something it does not have to happen or be reasonable or fair and old brownie points don't count. Sleep.well !

HappyMJ

The money you had before marriage is now in a marital asset the house so it's now shared in a divorce settlement. You can either keep the house and have no pension or split the proceeds from the house and split the pension. You'll need a solicitor to negotiate your options. You have no children so you might find the best option is to sell pay off the secured debts and split the proceeds then buy another house. You can apply to the court to force a sale if he does not agree to the sale and isn't willing or able to buy you out.

jetplane

The way I read this is that the house will be yours both in name and mortgage within the next couple of months and he is not objecting to this. Has he agreed to leave at this point?

I understand that you don't want to involve the police and you don't want to trash his career. He knows this and he also knows that in a couple of months he will have to go, but right now he is entitled to stay there and he's not moving.

Rather than feel angry, frustrated, bitter or helpless you need to decide what you can do rather than what you would like to happen.

He may feel bullied that you are trying to evict him from his home or he may be exerting the last bit of power that he has left or he may be suffering from PTSD and drowning.

You work away during the week and only see him at weekends. Then why don't you stay elsewhere at the weekends or every other weekend at least? It wont be for long and would seem like an easy solution. You wont actually be moving out just staying away for a few weekends.

Rather than saying why should I after everything that has passed just think of doing what you can and keeping your sanity while the end is in sight.

Trying_to_be_good

Thanks, Jetplane, staying away most weekends is exactly what I have been doing as a coping strategy for the last six months. I guess I need to just keep doing that, even thought he'd getting more and more nasty.

FBaby

Your situation sounds a lot more complex than you seem to realise. For one, you are married, so there is no my savings/my equity/his pension. As you stand, having been married for 5 years +, nothing can be called yours/his. You seem to think that because you paid the deposit on the house, most of the work done on the house, and because he is not treating you well, it gives you more right to the house. It doesn’t work like this. I know from personal experience that you can be the one to have put the full deposit on a house, paid most of the mortgage and bills, be treated like dirt, and still find yourself having to share half the equity of the house, savings and potentially pension if you are married and especially over 5 years.

Your situation might be complex in that there could be a trade-off between the house, savings and his pension, so that is unlikely something you can agree between yourself in a few weeks. You need to seek legal advice asap. You say that you could get a mortgage for the house, but he couldn’t despite his income being higher than yours. Are you totally confident of that? Have you factored the possibility that you might have to buy him out on the basis of 50% of the equity, and that your savings might be considered assets of the marriage rather than just yours to use to buy him out?

In the end, you can try to negotiate between yourself what you think would be a fair share of the assets, or you can go in front of a judge, but you just can’t insist that you get all what you want because you think it is what is morally right. You married the guy, and that changed all the rules.