Marriage break-up, how can I get him out of the house?

HappyMJ

Trying_to_be_good wrote: »

So you condone his violence and think I should be the one to move out? I'm trying to buy him out, even though I don't want to stay in the house so will keep it on the market. It was bought for proximity to his work and his children, more fool me.

If you want him out you must go to the police. Without the police knowing what's going on then nothing is going on. You can get him out but you say you want to protect his job so you won't go to the police.

Trying_to_be_good

Thanks, HappyMJ, it's a world I've never had to know about before, I just want it (and him) to go away. I love him and don't want to trash his life if it can be avoided. But I know I can't go on like this.

I've never had to report anything to the police before. My local police station is only open a couple of afternoons a week. How do I report it? Do I need to find a Police station that's open?

justme111

What behaviour ? You mentioned only one episode of violence . We don't know what it was. As it has not been repeated it looks like he realises the consequences . If you tell him you call the police if you need to you can do it with clear conscience - it would be him who ruins his career if that happens , not you . If there is no violence but it is understandably uncomfortable to you to live there you either suck it up understanding thats the way it is - human being is not a pet you can dump at resque center when you had enough of it - or move out. By the sound of it its not that you are worried for your safety. , you just don't want him here .
I do not condone any violence . I am just saying that you trying to buy him out does not give you neither moral nor legal right to kick him out.

justme111

You phone 999.

gettingtheresometime

Trying_to_be_good wrote: »

I don't think you can. I'm trying to sort out buying him out , but that will take a minimum of a few weeks, and I'm at the end of my tether after months of this behaviour.

Then you need to get out of the situation and rent a room until all the legal bits are done,

May be expensive but surely the piece of mind would be worth it

Staying, just because you're in the right, isn't always the right thing to do

justme111

Ideal would be to.reason with him and him moving out on his own will or if you agree to it him suggesting he would buy you out and you moving out in the meantime. You do not seem to be reasoning coherently though and he is likely to be the same so looks like not going to happen unfortunately.

justme111

You say you love him - if you really loved him his best interest would be above yours in your mind , you would not have had the idea of getting him out. You would have thought :"it is too risky for him to stay with me , in a heat of the moment he may ruin his career " and moved out.

Trying_to_be_good

justme111 wrote: »

You phone 999.

If it were an emergency, and if he physically assaults me again, I'd do this.

I've tried to keep my response as civil as possible (the assault was March), trying to be an adult in the relationship without it deteriorating to further violence.

Obviously I'm not going into all the details here, but I can assure you that I've done far more in trying to keep this going over five years of marriage than you suggest by your comment about a rescue centre. He's making my life as difficult as he can, whilst I have tried over and over again. And now I've had enough, for my own sake, though I still love him.

Trying_to_be_good

He can't afford to buy me out, he has no savings and no ability to raise a sufficient mortgage, so unless I were to give him the house with the huge chunk of equity that was mine from before we were married, and my savings during the marriage, he can't afford the house.

He earns more than I do, but has chosen to spend that on himself (and to a lesser extent, his children) rather than on our home and any future we would have.

Trying_to_be_good

justme111 wrote: »

You say you love him - if you really loved him his best interest would be above yours in your mind , you would not have had the idea of getting him out. You would have thought :"it is too risky for him to stay with me , in a heat of the moment he may ruin his career " and moved out.

Oh, that has been the case for eight years of putting him first, hence a house that's convenient for his work and his children, not my work or family. But there comes a time when it's unhealthy to keep doing that, and being a doormat.