Who owns this money again?

Kitty777

Hello,
I just needed to have a rant and a bit of advice...I need to see outsider opinions on something so bare with me.


My partner of 4 years (we don't live together) is fully aware of my financial situation and savings etc. He is a student, but has a decent sized student loan and has recently done a years placement with a well knowing/paying company in London.

The issue is, he is always wanting to go certain places and gets annoyed when I try to do things 'on the cheap'. He says going new places, helps with my social anxiety/driving anxiety and I kind of agree. But it uses petrol and new places always make me spend more!!!

He always pays for parking, or buys me a drink if parking is free..and always pays for his own stuff so it isn't about that.
But if I ever say 'I can't afford that..' because he knows my situation, he says I can! I feel caught in the middle, because yes I can..my savings mean I can afford that bag I want, that trip to skegness or a wii u etc but...once they are gone..they are gone!

I am not actually saving for anything, but I don't need to be right? Can I just be saving, for savings sake? I have nearly 5k in savings with no plans to spend it yet..or what to spend it on..but does that matter?

He doesn't want me to spend a lot, just like the odd £20 on a meal here, and the odd £10 on petrol for a trip there...

For things like MOT, insurance and tax I like to 'pay' myself in advance every month...so that I can pay in a lump sum when it is due (if that makes sense) so I guess I am saving for something...but that is under £600 a year.

I just feel under pressure to spend sometimes...and I DO enjoy what we do...am I just being paranoid? Or am I being tight?
Just feeling a little overwhelmed..

Tropez

It's your money and it is up to you what you do with it.

Spend what you feel comfortable with spending. If you're not comfortable with spending it then don't.

Perhaps you should have a talk with him, especially if you have any future plans for marriage or joint bank accounts? He seems a lot happier to spend money. This could cause problems down the line.

Kitty777

Tropez wrote: »

especially if you have any future plans for marriage or joint bank accounts?

I hate the idea of joint accounts with anyone. I am very controlling and protective over my money. Is that bad?

Errata

This is a bit blunt but............he has the use of a free car and a driver to take him hither and thither and has the effrontery to tell the driver what to spend their money on?

Buzzybee90

Surely you don't need to use your savings for a meal out?

Buzzybee90

Kitty777 wrote: »

I hate the idea of joint accounts with anyone. I am very controlling and protective over my money. Is that bad?

I wouldn't start the joint account debate, it's likely to completely derail your thread!

Kitty777

Buzzybee90 wrote: »

Surely you don't need to use your savings for a meal out?

I pay money into my savings account, the day I get paid. Almost like a bill paying to myself. So I don't need to, but it will cut down the money I pay into my savings that month, if that makes sense?

CH27

Kitty777 wrote: »

Hello,
I just needed to have a rant and a bit of advice...I need to see outsider opinions on something so bare with me.


My partner of 4 years (we don't live together) is fully aware of my financial situation and savings etc. He is a student, but has a decent sized student loan and has recently done a years placement with a well knowing/paying company in London.

The issue is, he is always wanting to go certain places and gets annoyed when I try to do things 'on the cheap'. He says going new places, helps with my social anxiety/driving anxiety and I kind of agree. But it uses petrol and new places always make me spend more!!!

He always pays for parking, or buys me a drink if parking is free..and always pays for his own stuff so it isn't about that.
But if I ever say 'I can't afford that..' because he knows my situation, he says I can! I feel caught in the middle, because yes I can..my savings mean I can afford that bag I want, that trip to skegness or a wii u etc but...once they are gone..they are gone!

I am not actually saving for anything, but I don't need to be right? Can I just be saving, for savings sake? I have nearly 5k in savings with no plans to spend it yet..or what to spend it on..but does that matter?

He doesn't want me to spend a lot, just like the odd £20 on a meal here, and the odd £10 on petrol for a trip there...

For things like MOT, insurance and tax I like to 'pay' myself in advance every month...so that I can pay in a lump sum when it is due (if that makes sense) so I guess I am saving for something...but that is under £600 a year.

I just feel under pressure to spend sometimes...and I DO enjoy what we do...am I just being paranoid? Or am I being tight?
Just feeling a little overwhelmed..

Of course you can.
The odd £20 here £10 there soon add up & can soon deplete your savings.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Is it really the money, or is it an easy shorthand for wanting to avoid situations where you're anxious?

You can afford these things, he's right - and it could be that he's encouraging you to help you get better, rather than retreating into the safety of your home. Which would understandably make you feel uncomfortable, as it's challenging your boundaries.


Maybe he sees the best use of money to be to improve your life and happiness in the long run?



I think you need to talk to him and, just as importantly, a professional, as a life controlled by fear and anxiety isn't even a half life. I know - I see it on a daily basis, and it's heartbreaking to watch and lonely if it gets to the point where the only way you get to do things is without the person you love beside you.

Buzzybee90

Kitty777 wrote: »

I pay money into my savings account, the day I get paid. Almost like a bill paying to myself. So I don't need to, but it will cut down the money I pay into my savings that month, if that makes sense?

Yes makes perfect sense and I agree. Maybe if you had a side pot which you deducted some from your adding to savings (a nominal amount, maybe £20) earmarked, but then if you don't feel the need to use it, you can still pay it back into your account.

To avoid the feeling of taking from your savings. Or just tell him you're more interested in building a nest egg than going to pizza express!

Kitty777

So it is fine to be saving for no reason?