Who owns this money again?

Buzzybee90

Kitty777 wrote: »

So it is fine to be saving for no reason?

Course it is, there are always things we need as humans so always sensible to save.

Tropez

Kitty777 wrote: »

I hate the idea of joint accounts with anyone. I am very controlling and protective over my money. Is that bad?

Nah, not really. My wife and I have separate accounts for ourselves. We do have a joint account though to cover the joint bills - electric, gas, insurance and whatnot. But the bulk of our money we keep separate.

Thing is though, as we're married, the law does see it as shared assets so if you're planning on going that way you should have a talk about it so that both of you know where you stand.

Kitty777

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Is it really the money, or is it an easy shorthand for wanting to avoid situations where you're anxious?

You can afford these things, he's right - and it could be that he's encouraging you to help you get better, rather than retreating into the safety of your home. Which would understandably make you feel uncomfortable, as it's challenging your boundaries.


Maybe he sees the best use of money to be to improve your life and happiness in the long run?



I think you need to talk to him and, just as importantly, a professional, as a life controlled by fear and anxiety isn't even a half life. I know - I see it on a daily basis, and it's heartbreaking to watch and lonely if it gets to the point where the only way you get to do things is without the person you love beside you.

Thank you for your input. It really hit home.

I guess I would really stay at home all day....My childhood was very much surrounded by money worries. My mom was/is awful with money...and the debt was/is huge from her side...maybe I see it as a sense of security?

A new job would help an awful lot, and I am looking into that.

Kitty777

Buzzybee90 wrote: »

Yes makes perfect sense and I agree. Maybe if you had a side pot which you deducted some from your adding to savings (a nominal amount, maybe £20) earmarked, but then if you don't feel the need to use it, you can still pay it back into your account.

To avoid the feeling of taking from your savings. Or just tell him you're more interested in building a nest egg than going to pizza express!

That sounds good! And maybe then it would satisfy my need to control/save money too.

Gavin83

Kitty777 wrote: »

So it is fine to be saving for no reason?

Yes of course but I think it's possible to go overboard as well. If your literally doing nothing with your life outside of saving and penny pinching all the time then I'd say it's a bit obsessive. I can understand your boyfriends POV, your his girlfriend and he wants to do stuff with you.

People do have different opinions on money and every option is fine as long as both people agree somewhat. I know that I couldn't be in a relationship with someone who never wanted to eat out or go anywhere because they couldn't put quite as much in their savings at the end of the month.

peachyprice

Kitty777 wrote: »

I pay money into my savings account, the day I get paid. Almost like a bill paying to myself. So I don't need to, but it will cut down the money I pay into my savings that month, if that makes sense?

But if you're not even leaving enough money in your bank account to be able to afford a £20 meal and actually live a little perhaps you need to save a little less?

Kitty777

peachyprice wrote: »

But if you're not even leaving enough money in your bank account to be able to afford a £20 meal and actually live a little perhaps you need to save a little less?

I agree...I seem to be 'living on the breadline' to almost save as much as I can. I really do see saving as an extra bill...

Gosh, this is more messed up than I realised...

Buzzybee90

Kitty777 wrote: »

I agree...I seem to be 'living on the breadline' to almost save as much as I can. I really do see saving as an extra bill...

Gosh, this is more messed up than I realised...

You need to be able to enjoy your life Kitty.

peachyprice

Kitty777 wrote: »

I agree...I seem to be 'living on the breadline' to almost save as much as I can. I really do see saving as an extra bill...

Gosh, this is more messed up than I realised...

It does seem to have become an obsession and your boyfriend is probably a bit miffed that you'd much rather live so frugally just to save for the sake of it rather than doing a few enjoyable things with him.

It doesn't sound as if he wants an extravagant lifestyle, just a bit of fun every once in a while, which isn't that unreasonable really.

Perhaps a third account to 'save' fun money in is the way forward, it's there if you need it, but whatever is left at the end of the month can go into the savings pot.

Kitty777

Buzzybee90 wrote: »

You need to be able to enjoy your life Kitty.

I have been told by a few people, that I could get hit by a bus one day and then my savings are useless (well, they are not..but to me they are).

I also don't think I will ever save enough to be happy...I could win the lottery and save 99% of it. :P

I may set myself a target of 5,000. Save that, and then live a bit. Until i get a new job