How to put my foot down?

butterflylady

I guess I'm looking for some friendly advice and a place to have a vent.

It's 3 years today since my step dad past away, none of my friends have sent me a message to see how I am, my boyfriend hasn't remembered :-(

My little girl starts school on Monday I asked my oh if he cld come when I took her on Monday, he's just got home from work he forgot to ask, remember to organise his leave for his little boy tho.

Someone at his work said bring ur little boy in when u have him, oh says that's a good idea, he gets to see where I work, what about my eldest 2, for clarity my eldest 2 aren't his!! I guess they just don't count.

His parents only have pictures of their biological grandchildren up again none of my eldest 2, this was briefly discussed after our most recent budget and I brushed it off but with everything else it really !!!!es my off!!!

I've just gone back to work after having my baby to a week from hell and having to put extra hours in already, with no support or help, when things where bad in his last job I actively encouraged and supported him!!

Ang suggestions?

CH27

butterflylady wrote: »

I guess I'm looking for some friendly advice and a place to have a vent.

It's 3 years today since my step dad past away, none of my friends have sent me a message to see how I am, my boyfriend hasn't remembered :-(

My little girl starts school on Monday I asked my oh if he cld come when I took her on Monday, he's just got home from work he forgot to ask, remember to organise his leave for his little boy tho.

Someone at his work said bring ur little boy in when u have him, oh says that's a good idea, he gets to see where I work, what about my eldest 2, for clarity my eldest 2 aren't his!! I guess they just don't count.

His parents only have pictures of their biological grandchildren up again none of my eldest 2, this was briefly discussed after our most recent budget and I brushed it off but with everything else it really !!!!es my off!!!

I've just gone back to work after having my baby to a week from hell and having to put extra hours in already, with no support or help, when things where bad in his last job I actively encouraged and supported him!!

Ang suggestions?

Sorry you've had a tough first week back.

I have no idea about the anniversaries of my friends parents. My OH has no idea of when my mum's anniversary is. I think you are being very unrealistic in expecting people to remember.

With regard to the grandparents take a lovely photo of all 3 children & give it to them in a nice frame.

purpleshoes_2

butterflylady wrote: »

I guess I'm looking for some friendly advice and a place to have a vent.

It's 3 years today since my step dad past away, none of my friends have sent me a message to see how I am, my boyfriend hasn't remembered :-(

My little girl starts school on Monday I asked my oh if he cld come when I took her on Monday, he's just got home from work he forgot to ask, remember to organise his leave for his little boy tho.

Someone at his work said bring ur little boy in when u have him, oh says that's a good idea, he gets to see where I work, what about my eldest 2, for clarity my eldest 2 aren't his!! I guess they just don't count.

His parents only have pictures of their biological grandchildren up again none of my eldest 2, this was briefly discussed after our most recent budget and I brushed it off but with everything else it really !!!!es my off!!!

I've just gone back to work after having my baby to a week from hell and having to put extra hours in already, with no support or help, when things where bad in his last job I actively encouraged and supported him!!

Ang suggestions?

You made a post recently about the prospect of starting again as a single mum. Are you happy with this man?

You sound very low. If you need extra support, try and get it.

butterflylady

The reason why I expect some oF my friends to remember/acknowledge the day is cos I put something on fb and changed my profile picture, which sounds immature but it's a way of remember as going to his grave is impossible.

I expect my other half to remember as we have had various conversations this week about y my mum won't/can't come to cricket tonight.

I might do a picture but they have enough of there own, it wldn't take 5 mins for them to be printed off and put in a frame.

Buzzybee90

butterflylady wrote: »

The reason why I expect some oF my friends to remember/acknowledge the day is cos I put something on fb and changed my profile picture, which sounds immature but it's a way of remember as going to his grave is impossible.

I expect my other half to remember as we have had various conversations this week about y my mum won't/can't come to cricket tonight.

I might do a picture but they have enough of there own, it wldn't take 5 mins for them to be printed off and put in a frame.

I'm sorry this sounds a bit attention seeking to me. A lot of people are quite closed on the subject though, and maybe don't want to make you uncomfortable.

cabbage

Its been a tough week. People can be insensitive but as long as you remember him, that's ok.

Your hormones might be all over the place too and that makes you more sensitive.

Just hold onto the fact that you have your kids, your health, a job etc. A photo does sound like a good idea and you could give it her for her birthday or as a Christmas present

purpleshoes_2

butterflylady wrote: »

The reason why I expect some oF my friends to remember/acknowledge the day is cos I put something on fb and changed my profile picture, which sounds immature but it's a way of remember as going to his grave is impossible.

I expect my other half to remember as we have had various conversations this week about y my mum won't/can't come to cricket tonight.

I might do a picture but they have enough of there own, it wldn't take 5 mins for them to be printed off and put in a frame.

I would certainly expect friends to say something if you had just lost your stepdad, but not 3 years later. Im speaking as someone who lost a relative 4 years ago and I got massive support on fb and beyond, but I wouldnt expect that year on year and neither would I probably say anything on fb now, Id just remember her quietly and try and get through the day the best way I could.

74jax

My hubby lost his dad and I don't give sympathy each anniversary, I couldn't tell you when my friends parents died as I just don't know.

Is he supportive other times, if you broke down crying with grief or were sad thinking of him would he comfort you?

I would take a photo of all three kids and put it in a frame for a present.

As for taking his child to work I think that's ok.

My hubby is active in my DDs life, to an extent, but she isn't his. He is not her dad and he doesn't act as tho he is maybe it's the same for you?,

mountainofdebt

74jax wrote: »

My hubby lost his dad and I don't give sympathy each anniversary, I couldn't tell you when my friends parents died as I just don't know.

Oh I'm so glad you said that 74jax as I was going to say the same about my parents-in-law.

74jax

mountainofdebt wrote: »

Oh I'm so glad you said that 74jax as I was going to say the same about my parents-in-law.

I did think maybe I would blasted for it, but wrote it anyway as another perspective just in case.

I totally support him all the time over his dad's death, if he ever needed it, but I wouldn't make a point of it, even on an anniversary. It's a time for quiet reflection I think. Although hubby wouldn't change his fb to reflect this, he would do it privately if that makes sense .

missbiggles1

I don't really know why you'd expect your boyfriend's parents to have pictures of your children up when, as you're not married to their son, they're no relation to them.