How to put my foot down?

jackieblack

So, you have a list of unrealistic/unreasonable expectations.....
What exactly is it you feel the need to 'put your foot down' about?
If you start making demands about any of these issues, they're likely to be taken as as unrealistic/unreasonable as your expectations :huh:

Calien

jackieblack wrote: »

So, you have a list of unrealistic/unreasonable expectations.....
What exactly is it you feel the need to 'put your foot down' about?
If you start making demands about any of these issues, they're likely to be taken as as unrealistic/unreasonable as your expectations :huh:

Good point! OP what do you want to put your foot down about? You can't make your friends give you sympathy, and tbh would you want it if you're only getting it because they feel obligated?

You also can't make your partners parents put pictures of your kids up in their home.

I don't know how old your new baby is, but is it possible your hormones haven't fully settled yet? If you're feeling down in general perhaps have a word with your health visitor (if you have one) or your doctor.

Flossie.

I agree with most people here. I couldn't tell you the exact dates of any deaths in my own family; let alone my friends.

I do feel that you may be suffering from post natal depression, and should see a doctor.

I am also a bit confused though as to who you need to put your foot down with.

Hope you feel OK soon. xx

geri1965_2

My grandparents died a few years ago and I wouldn't be able to tell you the date without looking it up.

My sister's wedding anniversary is sometime in September but I never send a card as I can't remember when it is.

I just about manage family and close friend's birthdays. Just!

Some people just don't remember these things easily, don't hold it against them.

PoorCharleyBear

My sister posts on FB a message on the anniversary of my mother's death. I never comment- I just do not want to remember her in a chest beating way (which is how I see it). I find it a private time.

One of my mates remembers- but only as one of their parents died on the same day.

missbiggles1

Shelldean wrote: »

I'm kinda surprised by these two comments as they are so different to what I've experienced. (though I do appreciate they are entitled to their opinion)


My OH isn't the biological father of my daughter, yet once we was together and it was all working out (sorry cant think of another way of describing it) His parents accepted my DD as their own grandchild.
And most definitely accepted her once we'd had a child together - we actually now have three boys and are married.


In fact m-I-l was very miffed when she discovered she'd not been invited to DD graduation this summer ( only allowed two tickets so just OH and I went)


My ex m-I-l also accepts all my three boys as her grandchildren and are treated alongside DD, from photos to birthdays to Christmas.


Have I just been lucky? Guess I must've from reading the previous responses?


But given my experience I can see why OP is annoyed about the lack of photos of all the children

Once you married, your children became step grandchildren (if such a thing exists), to the grandparents here, they're just the children of their son's girlfriend and no relation.

I suppose it depends on your definition of family.

Shelldean

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Once you married, your children became step grandchildren (if such a thing exists), to the grandparents here, they're just the children of their son's girlfriend and no relation.

I suppose it depends on your definition of family.

Agreed I think I have been exceptionally lucky with this.


Our time line is that we got together in 93, when DD was 4 mths, Twins born 1995, DS3 1998. Married 2002. DD accepted and treated as grandchild from 1993, despite the first biological grandchildren not arriving till just over 2 1/2 yrs later


I really do think I've been lucky, and maybe I am the exception rather than the rule?

Mojisola

Shelldean wrote: »

I really do think I've been lucky, and maybe I am the exception rather than the rule?

I don't know - the stepchildren in our extended family are treated like the blood-related children - just depends on each family and maybe the relationships between the parent/ex/new partners?

maman

I was at DD1's house the other day and noticed she'd written the date of my mother's death on her calendar. She was really close to her nana and I suppose she chooses to remember that way. We don't mention it. I remember quietly in my own way but probably more likely on other days than the 'anniversary '(Yuk! to that expression).

dancingfairy

It sounds like it's been a hard time recently. I think people are so busy and have such busy lives that if you need help and support, maybe you need to be a bit more explicit about it. Perhaps they want to help but didn't want to bring it up in case it upset you? maybe they forgot? who knows.
Perhaps your other half cares deeply but sees contributing to the family as going to work and providing the money or perhaps he feels he contributes in other ways? If you want him to sit and listen to you or try and distract you or to help you mark the day in some way I think you need to make it clear to him.
In terms of not organising things for childcare, then he probably just forgot. You need to make it clear to him that it was/is an important issue and it has upset you. Hopefully next time he will remember.
It sounds like everything has been getting to you and maybe things are getting lost in translation somehow. I hope having had such a horrid time that things are a little easier for you this week.
df