Spent 4 years pretending it's all OK

chevalier

I wasn't suggesting not communicating with predators, but that I didn't think they had a 'right' to know what you were paying other people. Sure you send in and I and E form but you could just have a line for other debt repayments (ie not split down into who gets what) and it would still show the correct information. But if it is common practice then fair enough.

NOA I really feel for you ref your OH. I wonder if a monthly summary emailed to him of what has been done finance wise that month would help. Then it would be there in black and white and he could read it or not. Just thinking that you both my find it less confrontational this way...
chev

brizzledfw

Glad you've felt able to make some decisions NOA..I too found the students this summer harder than usual and I dont think we will do it next (assuming cash flow continues as is, etc). Its got to be a joint household/family thing and if it all falls to one person then thats probably not worth it.

Some sun this weekend!! Weyhey!

Brizzle

supersaver1000

chevalier wrote: »

................. I wonder if a monthly summary emailed to him of what has been done finance wise that month would help. Then it would be there in black and white and he could read it or not. Just thinking that you both my find it less confrontational this way...
chev

I like the idea of a monthly summary Chevalier. DH can look at it (or not) at a time and place to suit. Plus, I'd like to show off my spreadsheet handy work :rotfl:

NoOneAround

Just wanted to drop in quickly to say thank you everyone for dropping by and posting in my few days away. Thank you all for your support - love you all :A and will reply to all later.


I don't want to make this a long post because I did along update Saturday night - and Lost it :mad: as was logged out by the system - and I hadn't copied. I then did another long post last night - and Lost it :mad: as was logged out by the system - and I hadn't copied. Quick learner aren't I?:o


testing now.....

NoOneAround

chevalier wrote: »

I wasn't suggesting not communicating with predators, but that I didn't think they had a 'right' to know what you were paying other people. Sure you send in and I and E form but you could just have a line for other debt repayments (ie not split down into who gets what) and it would still show the correct information. But if it is common practice then fair enough.

NOA I really feel for you ref your OH. I wonder if a monthly summary emailed to him of what has been done finance wise that month would help. Then it would be there in black and white and he could read it or not. Just thinking that you both my find it less confrontational this way...
chev

supersaver1000 wrote: »

I like the idea of a monthly summary Chevalier. DH can look at it (or not) at a time and place to suit. Plus, I'd like to show off my spreadsheet handy work :rotfl:

Chevalier - that is one brilliant idea and absolutely worth a try!:T Do you do that already SS or are you going to give it a go too:rotfl:
xx
NOA

NoOneAround

brizzledfw wrote: »

Glad you've felt able to make some decisions NOA..I too found the students this summer harder than usual and I dont think we will do it next (assuming cash flow continues as is, etc). Its got to be a joint household/family thing and if it all falls to one person then thats probably not worth it.

Some sun this weekend!! Weyhey!

Brizzle

Thanks Brizzle. I think perhaps I am a bit less tolerant than a few years ago too, but it does seem to have got harder as time went on. I have notified them now - it feels like a weight off my mind now that I have told them - just need to find money another way!


Weekend was lovely and warm, didn't do anything much but routine domestic things and some decluttering. Couldn't sit out as we have 3 wasps nests in the garden near the house/patio at the moment - and they were very active in the heat:eek:


xx
NOA

NoOneAround

mamato3 wrote: »

Phew NoA I have just finished reading your diary it's taken best part of a week!

I just want to wish you the best on your journey I think you're doing amazing. I have subscribed and will tag along if you don't mind.

Hi Mamato3
Lovely to have you pop in of course I don't mind!
What an amazing feat to have read all the way through - thank you for your lovely comments - am very honoured to have you on board -
xx
NOA

NoOneAround

Brogden wrote: »

That's a bit harsh Bob :rotfl:!!

Bobarella wrote: »

I wasnt saying that NOA has a crap partner, but that the act of ignoring debt or expecting your spouse to deal with it, is a poor thing in my book. And also, that it isnt a sex thing, there are just as many lazy, good for nothing women, as there are men, which is where we started this little discussion

Brogden wrote: »

I am sure everybody gets what you mean Bob

I think it is a poor thing too and I am sure all males and female would agree.........and I have similar issues to NOA in a sexually reversed sort of way of course

Brogden xx

Oops - didn't mean to start a male/female thing:rotfl:
I'll just say I agree with everything everyone said - and I send out my sympathies to all who are in a similar one sided situation whichever way round it is.
It really helps to offload here. I had my whinge ("said it as it was" - better way of putting it BOb - sounds less whiney;)) - then went and did what needed doing. :T
xx
Big thank you hugs all round. :grouphug:

NoOneAround

chevalier wrote: »

..

HI NOA just wondering but I am pretty sure that one creditor can't ask for what you are paying other creditors. Brogden can you clarify?
chev

Brogden wrote: »

Hi Chev

They can ask but maybe we don't need to tell them !! Or maybe we tell them just what we want them to know and no more ;);)!!

We can refuse to correspond with them altogether but that can be a fast track to court :eek: One of our lovely friends on here is receiving court papers as a result of non-communication !!

A lot of us are accustomed to providing income and expenditure statements. If these are detailed they will show how much each predator is getting paid so Sainsbug's question is not really that surprising.

Tell them to mind their own business if we like but pay a little, keep in touch and the likelihood of anything bad happening is miniscule :T !!

Brogden xx

Hi Chevalier, Brogden


My I&E just said £70 to spare, for all creditors - and the letter showed the prorate amount for SainsB. I'd sent them list previously with totals outstanding for each creditor, but actually can't remember if I included it again when I wrote to them. I will just send the breakdown again I wonder if they will check against credit reports if that is what I'm actually paying to each? The only credit report I have signed up to is noddle
should have done this at the weekend, but didn't get my act together, it will be posted tomorrow.


xx
NOA
NOA

supersaver1000

NoOneAround wrote: »

Chevalier - that is one brilliant idea and absolutely worth a try!:T Do you do that already SS or are you going to give it a go too:rotfl:
xx
NOA

Not really. A couple of times I've done a summary but not in any detail. Trouble with DH is he'll either be overwhelmed and just think blow it I may as well spend OR think oh we're doing well I can afford to spend.

Actually he's been loads better lately, but I don't believe he'll ever be fully reformed. Shouldn't be negative, but too many times he's needed to spend to make his fortune haha!

Had to drive to the city today and panicked through a junction and may have tailed the car in front on a red. It was one of those huge junctions and I really wasn't sure. Oh well. Will wait for the 14 days to see. Then panicked on a roundabout coming back, there was a bus lane where I wanted to exit, so went round again. Think I need to do that advanced driver training course to brush up city driving