Spent 4 years pretending it's all OK

NoOneAround

Fortune_Smiles wrote: »

I'm worn out just reading your list NOA. What a productive time you've been having.

Fortune x

Hello Fortune It did feel very productive last week.
I' ve been making me have some energy whether its actually there or not!

Feeling exhausted this week though and its only Wednesday.
There's potentially a big change looming on income front , and not for the good. A bit ( a huge bit) worried, that we could slide backwards into an abyss. Lots of positivity going to be needed if the consolidation happens. Just as I thought we were seeing that pinprick of light at the end of the tunnel.

Just need one winning lottery ticket, please universe? for good health and for happiness.

A fretting NOA
xx

Cherryfudge

One step at a time NOA, I do hope the setback doesn't happen but at least it's not currently in existence. I know that's easy for me to say, sorry. If it does come about, you'll find a way through, but maybe it won't? And you have worked so hard to get yourself in a stronger position, that will be an advantage.

Moneyfordreams

wishing you continued successes and hope your worries will not happen x

brizzlegirl

Sending hugs. Hope it’s not as bad as you fear xx

NoOneAround

Thank you for your good wishes Cherry, Moneyfordreams, Brizzle.

Very quick update - big change /company consolidation happened and as of Dec. Income approx 90% down DH looking for work. He's not been happy for a while and so very stressed so perhaps in grand scheme of things its probably for the best, so at the moment it doesn't feel like it. He's not holding it together so well, makes me quite cross but trying to be supportive, though 'm a bit short of empathy and patience at the moment (am trying, honestly but am so tired of always being the positive one always). Am working full time at part time job, so that's helping. Change means we have to buy car now and we do enough miles that it needs to be a decent. that means the money i have been saving is going to disappear on that - (my 3 month cushion) . Just wish this could've happened just 6 months down the road. Its put my mortgage plan into shock. we only have a few years left to save close to 100K to pay it off.

Anyway.

Life is OK, and I'm sure things 'll work out, whichever way, am sure we didn't go through everything we have been through for it all to go pearshaped now. Just another little storm, we'll weather it like all the others. just feeling a little seasick at the moment:(

NOA
x

Cherryfudge

I'm sorry to hear this NOA. Just what you don't need in the short term, though hopefully this is a push in the direction of a job where your DH will be happier and bring in enough to keep the finances in the right direction.

Is he still employed there for a while? And if not will he have any compensation? Though I think you would have mentioned it if it were so.

Your positive attitude is a real strength but I can see it would help if you both reacted that way. Perhaps he will begin to see a brighter side once he finds job adverts that he likes the look of?

Humdinger1

NOA long time lurker here coming out to wish you well. I've been in your husband's position more than once; without exception, though scary at the time it's always been a step to something far better. On self employed contracts there often can be an income drop of course of 90% but is this legal if he's employed? No doubt you're on top of this but TUPE may come into play here.

Please keep posting as always look forward to your updates. Have many things in common in my life and outlook so thanks for sharing the journey to date. Humdinger

Puzzcat

Hi Noah....

Hope all is good in your world.. you have been very quiet since November...????

Love Puzz.xx

NoOneAround

Well then. Two thirds of the way through January 2019 already.
Apologies I've been awol for so long, there haven't been enough hours in the day to keep all the balls in the air.
Happy New Year to everyone, even though everyone else has probably moved on from that! Hope that it it a happy and healthy one for everyone.

Cherry Thank you for popping by (a long while ago now) - I hope all i well with you , I haven't managed to keep up with any diaries at all, just trying to get my thoughts together today, it's my first day at home alone in a long while. i just re-read what I last posted and what a garbled load of rubbish! a reflection of my muddled thoughts and panic at the time. Will update situation soon.

Puzz Thank you asking after me - as above -I haven't managed to keep up so do hope all is well with you and your family

Humdinger1 - Thank you for delurking and your good wishes, and lovely words. Sharing on here has helped me so much - noone in RL knows what we've been through - pretenses are all still there - how i wish I could open up as much to someone who understands in RL. Sometimes all you want is a hug:grouphug:

Will try and post update now, before everyone gets home and start spying over my shoulder!

NOA
x

NoOneAround

November - now
Many changes at DH work place over last couple of years, the pressure had built up and up, more work, less resource, tighter deadlines. He's not been in a good place mentally, pretty certain he was depressed but outright rejected any suggestions that he should seek help from GP. After banging my head against this brick wall, I pretty much gave up and let him get on with it. Things only spiralled downwards over the last year, he' been a misery to live with, and i guess i may have mentioned on several occasions our relationship has been poor and he has never been one to talk. Work got worse with all the changes/extra workload and he actually couldn't cope/adapt, but wouldn't talk about it or admit it - because doing so was "admitting failure" -To cut a long story short he finally Went to the GP who wanted to sign him off for stress. In the end he decided to resign (hence the huge reduction in household income ( as my SE income has been pretty low this year) so we only really had my part time jobs left. If he hadn't left I am 100% certain he would have had a total nervous breakdown.
Dealing with it all in November was totally draining - he'd never not worked, and the day after resigning was panicking and making silly phone calls to agencies and telling them irrelevant and inappropriate things, despite the fact I kept saying he just needed some time out and think about what he needed to do for a few weeks before rushing into a similar job with another employer. It was like dealing with a child. I had to keep reinforcing that health was more important, we could ride this out like every other problem we faced (we've been married 34 years). I could see that he thought I was going to walk out on him. At times I felt like it (head on brick wall times), but I'm still here, and we're getting through. He had some interviews in December , has accepted a job starting February. He did get a couple of months of money and didn' t have to work full notice so has been at home doing jobs around house and garden (another trigger for arguments!). Luckily I have had full time work from my part time work since September - not highly paid but it has given me reason to be out of the house and keep me sane. However, stress and full time work has lead to RA worsening, so it's been quite hard.
DH had to give back company car and he had to buy one with 3 weeks notice, so my savings pot is very depleted but car has been paid for outright. Not the colour I would have chosen :rotfl: but he had to go buy it himself. It's smaller than we have always had so very economical but problem is that I was suggesting we should buy a family sized with good boot room (lots of uni trips pending!) but he couldn't see why. Well he knows why -that my car (which is big) is struggling and is on it's last legs so I won't do long journeys in it. So I let him decide himself , then he was upset I wasn't helping him make the decision. Anyway, It's done. We've got through hopefully, the worst of it. New job is lower salary, further away so more driving - i'm just hoping he doesn't go backwards mental health wise and that he copes ok. Fingers crossed.

DS has some good uni offers, and is approaching A Levels.
DD is working part time and still job hunting , has got through to penultimate stages of a grad scheme which is good experience even if she progresses no further.
Still visiting mum at weekends, much the same as before.
House - neglected
Garden - Snowdrops are out. DH did a lot of tidying while he was off. but we have some trees to sort out but holding off until we know work is all in place again.

AnyWay - those of you who have known me for a while (I got my 4 year MSE badge in late summer!) will probably realise that the reason I have had time to post today is because it is end of Jan and tax return time, and writing long updates is perfect for avoiding doing what I should really be doing!!

Apologies for the very tedious update, but I'm happy to say Spring is on its way and I have already (with help) cleaned out the greenhouse - the first time in 4 years I think - and am looking forward to tending to my little bit of heaven much more this year.
Who knows what this year has in store, but I'm OK and ready for it.

Love
NOA(h)
xx