Spent 4 years pretending it's all OK

Dolphin1

Long time lurker, just de-lurking to say sorry about your dad. Sending hugs!

NoOneAround

Eco Farmer (chris)
Puzzcat
Mrs PG
Brizzle
Bob
Swash
Dolphin1
Chev
Verbatim
Fortune Smiles
Hazeldreams
Buffy
Stepuptothepl8

Thank you all so much. :A
I really appreciate you all taking the time to post, it means a lot to me. Even though I knew it was going to happen someday, I never realised losing a parent would hurt this much.

Back home today, looking at a big empty house that was meant to become home for dad and mum so that they wouldn't be alone in their older years. Something dad wanted but mum didn't yet, that never got resolved. Wish I had pushed it more, but also know that perhaps it was never meant to be.

NOA
xx

Igamogam

Only just catching up NOA. Such sad news. Condolences to you and your family. Everybody will deal with this differently. Look after each other in the coming days, weeks months, however long it takes.

chevalier

It is so strange to realise that they are not there any more. This must be just rotten for you all. Thinking of you
chev

Bobarella

Life can be so painful. Thinking of you NOA.

*Robin*

So sorry to read your sad news, NOA, (((gentle hugs)))

Rx

Drawingaline

NOA I have just read your entire diary (well over the past couple of weeks), so so sorry for your bad news, what a point to come in on!

Gentle (virtual) hugs, remember these things take time, but there also is no timescale.

NoOneAround

Igamogam
Chev
Bob
Robin
Drawingaline
Thank you so much:A, your words and hugs so appreciated.

Have seen and experienced loss/death of close friends and various family members. Felt the sadness and hurt, but this time it's different. It feels like a part of me is missing.

Today I tried to get back to normal. Did school run and picked up. Worked through a mountain of washing up, and a bag full of mail from last 3 weeks. Did some essential paperwork for mum, posted it at school pick up time.
3 weeks have already gone by. in the evenings I used to phone home and have pretty much the same conversation everyday. I used to listen to my mum tell of her day, then I'd tell dad of what the weather had been like here, and bits and bobs about the garden. Now it just makes me cry stepping out into the garden, or picking up the phone.
I've got tomorrow to pull myself together, because I have accepted 3 days of work at my part time marking job. Not sure if its the right thing to do, I had meant to spend another few days with mum, but she didn't want me leaving DS again. Feeling torn.

Bobarella

It is so understandable NOA. Even with a bad divorce they say to allow a year for every year you were together to stop grieving. This is your father who was in your life every day for however long. It's going to hurt.

I do wonder whether work will give you a bit of mental space to focus on something mundane. Or whether it will just be too much for now. I suppose all you can do is try it. Huge hugs.

apple_muncher

Sending you hugs, NOA. It's 9 weeks ago today that my dad died. And in these 9 weeks, I have discovered so many parts of my life and surroundings that remind me of him, and bring a fresh set of tears. I feel for you and wish you peace and happy memories. do take time to grieve and be especially kind to yourself.