Being friends with an ex.....

orangeslimes

It is possible to be friends with exes, but if you contact them every day - that's not healthy, and you obviously haven't moved on. I think you probably should cut contact for a while...

I am friends with one of my exes, but I don't speak to him that often, and mostly see him alongside mutual friends. I probably would get in touch to catch up after a few months of not seeing him, but I think much more than that would be a bit odd and I think it takes a while to get to be able to be friends. You both have to be clear that it is completely over and you are never going to go back there.

My current boyfriend was a bit unhappy about me still being in contact with my ex too, until he met my ex and stopped feeling threatened, but I think it could be an issue.

Fiasco55

It can certainly work. I went out with a fella for 18 months. It didn't work out romantically but we were both very compatible. It did take a good six months to provide distance, working through the residual emotions and then slowly and steadily rebuild into a friendship. That was 17 years ago and we have been best friends ever since.

He got married this year and moved to the states as his wife is American. Get on well with his wife ( I even introduced them when we were on holiday together last year). Yes we holidayed together for many years. My fella was only a bit worried about him until he met him for the first time and could then see my best friend is like family to me. They are friends now too.

So it is possible but all residual emotions, hopes etc must be dealt with and if you find it hasn't take a good step back and give it some time and clear boundaries. Only by taking this time you will know if it is something both of you want and can achieve.

Good luck with it.

emsywoo123

Just realised I might have come across as a loon :rotfl:

If I don't contact him, he contacts me-it's not me crazy texting. Yes, maybe, for a few days but then I (thought I) accepted it and reduced contact.

I did a bit of a speech at the weekend about moving on etc, and he accepted it was right. Since then, contact has been regular again. That said, wall of silence since the mention of emigrating for work so I'm probably worrying over nothing.

He's probably out. Pulling women. He's so gorgeous.

OMG. Emsywoo. Move on :eek:

Person_one

emsywoo123 wrote: »

Just realised I might have come across as a loon :rotfl:

If I don't contact him, he contacts me-it's not me crazy texting. Yes, maybe, for a few days but then I (thought I) accepted it and reduced contact.

I did a bit of a speech at the weekend about moving on etc, and he accepted it was right. Since then, contact has been regular again. That said, wall of silence since the mention of emigrating for work so I'm probably worrying over nothing.

He's probably out. Pulling women. He's so gorgeous.

OMG. Emsywoo. Move on :eek:

Is there definitely no future in it? You still sound properly smitten.

If there isn't, you need to rip this plaster off, its doing you no good carrying on contact as though you're still together.

emsywoo123

Person_one wrote: »

Is there definitely no future in it? You still sound properly smitten.

If there isn't, you need to rip this plaster off, its doing you no good carrying on contact as though you're still together.

His words "never say never"

But that's man speak for "I don't especially want to crush your dreams but want to offer zero commitment or hope" isn't it

Person_one

emsywoo123 wrote: »

His words "never say never"

But that's man speak for "I don't especially want to crush your dreams but want to offer zero commitment or hope" isn't it

Or it could mean "I want to have a look around and see what else is on offer, but I'd like you to be on standby."

I'm sorry, I know that's a horrible thing to say, but its not particularly nice of him to leave you hanging like that is it? If he's ended the relationship he needs to be fair to you and stop texting you as though you're still his girlfriend.

emsywoo123

Person_one wrote: »

Or it could mean "I want to have a look around and see what else is on offer, but I'd like you to be on standby."

I'm sorry, I know that's a horrible thing to say, but its not particularly nice of him to leave you hanging like that is it? If he's ended the relationship he needs to be fair to you and stop texting you as though you're still his girlfriend.

I may well be biased, obviously, but I really don't think that's why he ended it.

Regardless, I fear you're right. I need to cut contact. Although as I say, he hasn't spoken to me this evening since I threw job/moving news at him, so maybe he's made that decision for "us" anyway.

sulphate

I only have two exes, but I'm not friends with either of them as the relationships ended badly, plus we all had friends in common (both exes were in the same ~friendship group~ and one of my exes was my friend's brother, terrible, terrible idea). The friends I also lost touch with over the years mostly because the connection between us faded along with the romantic relationships.

Even though I am now married and it's been around five years since I saw either of them I don't think I could meet up with them now without feeling some kind of emotional involvement. Both of them said they would remain friends with me but in practice it didn't work.

I think it depends on the people/relationship but you definitely need to get over him romantically before you can consider having him as a friend, and even then you might find that his time in your life is over.

I am also of the opinion that many people keep others (friends etc) in their lives even though the connection has faded and the only reason they stay in touch is because of the history they shared. This isn't ideal, relationships end and it's perfectly normal for people to move on with their lives and replace these people with others.

marisco_2

Word to the wise. Don't give up on this job offer abroad if it could be a really good opportunity for you. You are young and have the world at your feet right now, this is the time to get out there and experience it all. If things are meant to happen between this guy and yourself at any point then they will. If I were you I wouldn't be putting my life on hold and waiting to see what may happen.

emsywoo123

marisco wrote: »

Word to the wise. Don't give up on this job offer abroad if it could be a really good opportunity for you. You are young and have the world at your feet right now, this is the time to get out there and experience it all. If things are meant to happen between this guy and yourself at any point then they will. If I were you I wouldn't be putting my life on hold and waiting to see what may happen.

I sound young!? Hurrah!

If it was just me, I'd be gone. But I have children. And responsibilities. Much as running sounds perfect right now, practically it is not an option.