I need help, he's refusing to pay for anything

hardworking_mummy

The op stated in her opening post
"verbally abusive daily, upsetting the children and making threats to me (now so bad logged with the police with recorded evidence)"

So I see it as similar to mine. I did nothing while he threatened, I waited until he tried to kill me as I didn't think threats were enough. My solicitor was very clear that action could have been taken earlier at the threat stage if not by the police, then certainly by me. If the op has recorded instances of her ex threatening her then it would be a brave judge who wouldn't grant even a temporary restraining order. Domestic abuse is not just physical violence.

And just for the record I do not see myself, my story or anything that has occured in my life as "sad".

shellstar

http://www.mankind.org.uk/typesdomesticabuse.html

I'd say the OP hits a number of markers on here. It's a shame there is so much ignorance on these issues. You don't need a black eye to be abused, there are a lot of different ways people try to control and pressure others and they are all abuses of power, they are all extremely damaging and they are all wrong. Even if it was just laughing (which it doesn't sound like it is) - you can't just live with that daily, in your home, in front of your children! Iti s bullying, which is abuse.

OP - good luck.

Cherryjack

Things have taken an awful turn for the worse, My ex partner was arrested 2 nights ago. He came home from the gym and some youths had called him names.. he came into the house whilst me and my friend was there and grabbed a claw hammer and scraper blade to go and attack them. I called the police so they could stop him, in the meantime my ex came back to the house racially abused me and the police came and arrested him.
I had to court to get an emergency non molestation order, and the jusge awarded it for 12 months. He had previously threatened to kill me in my home. This is now the 3rd incident. The judge did not order the occupancy order and i have to go back to court with my ex in 14days. I am unable to move back to my other house as its rented and on a buy to let mortage and my credit score is so poor i am unable to remortage. If i leave my ex has said hes not paying a penny so they will come to me for half the costs. The children are in my room now and not leaving them out of my sight. Social services have asked him to leave but he has said he has no where to go and said it would make him homeless. I am not eligable for legal aid because of the other house. Social services have called a meeting to see us both at my sons school and to to tell him we need to part. I have written urgently to the citizens advice.. and i will call 999 if he threatens me or the children in any way. I would appreciate any more advice. Hes been arrested, and then let out.. ive gone to court but still allowed to stay until the hearing. Social services are not happy and neither am I so I dont understand why he is allowed near me. I just want out, is repossession an option to get away from this?

Keeping_Positive

Have you called the National Domestic Violence helpline. It is a freephone number. Even if you need to leave you should then be able to get him out. In the end as long as you and your kids are safe I wouldn't worry about losing the house. They will chase him as well. It's's far down the line and using your fear to continue to control you.

Cherryjack

Thank you keeping positive, they helped me with the information to go to Court on Tuesday. I will give them another call when they are open tomorrow as its just emergency advisors who take a message over night

Keeping_Positive

You're welcome, keep strong and safe. You will get through this. I stayed with my ex for years. I wss going to leave just after we had our first but I had the MIL on the phone saying they would take back the carpets and cooker they had bought us. I wish now I had said go on do you worst. Before I knew it we had three kids. Thankfully my ex isnt too bad but I'm so much happier even after moving out, going bankrupt and the upheaval of moving.

Armorica

In the long term, it’s good that he was arrested.

Can you sell your other house? (People will buy houses with tenants, or speak to the tenant about whether they are planning to move anyway? Or is that in negative equity too)

As a general point - and I can imagine it is difficult - you tend not to give enough information e.g. that you have a second house etc.! It can be difficult to give the most helpful advice without the full picture. E.g. what kind of mortgage do you have - joint or solo?

You need somewhere to live. So it’s not clear that you paying your full mortgage is your biggest problem? You could look at other parts of this forum for advice on reducing your costs/outgoings so you get into a financial place where you can afford your mortgage by yourself. Repossession will just leave you in even more of a mess (but living somewhere else temporarily could help - although I imagine difficult to find somewhere else / a friend’s house etc depending on your son’s disabilities)

It doesn’t matter whether he would be made homeless; he still has to leave. It sounds like he could stay with his mother? You should speak to your solicitor and the police about how they will enforce the order(s) you have against him.

You may also want to introduce yourself to your local/community police officer (if you can find a local neighbourhood one) and make them aware of the problems.

Longer term, you may want to look into a respite service too e.g. can school/social service advice of anywhere that might look after your son for a day so you do get a break.

BigAunty

Sorry to hear such bad news and that an occupation wasn't ordered despite the danger you are in.

The Shelter website has information for homeowners at risk of repossession and arrears.

Is the other house in your sole name? If so, and if you are not granted an occupation order in 14 days, is serving your tenants 2 months notice and moving back in an option?

The debt free wanabee board members can perhaps tell you your options for the current property, which I assume is a joint one, that is at risk of repossession and the steps a lender may take if he refuses to pay towards it, such as whether you risk bankruptcy, if a charge could be put on your other property and those types of issues.

Guest101

hardworking_mummy wrote: »

The op stated in her opening post
"verbally abusive daily, upsetting the children and making threats to me (now so bad logged with the police with recorded evidence)"

So I see it as similar to mine. I did nothing while he threatened, I waited until he tried to kill me as I didn't think threats were enough. My solicitor was very clear that action could have been taken earlier at the threat stage if not by the police, then certainly by me. If the op has recorded instances of her ex threatening her then it would be a brave judge who wouldn't grant even a temporary restraining order. Domestic abuse is not just physical violence.

And just for the record I do not see myself, my story or anything that has occured in my life as "sad".

Yes but threats of what? I could threaten to not do the washing up! Is that a crime? Which is why I said the treats must be explicit. Perhaps read what I wrote?

Well however u see it, I think someone who faces death at the hands of a loved one is in a very sad situation.

Guest101

OP sounds like he's only got himself to blame. Glad you got a temporary order