I need help, he's refusing to pay for anything

summerspring

Then I hope you can get the court order if he is being abusive or threatening. It is difficult if the house belongs to both of you. You might even be better moving out yourself and taking the kids with you. He'd need to pay the bills himself then! Sounds like he's got you over a barrel at the moment.

peachyprice

Cherryjack wrote: »

Yes im not able to change the locks

Exactly, frustrating though it is you have to be seen to be doing everything by the book to keep the upper hand, because you can bet your bottom dollar that if you put one foot wrong he'll use it against you to get the court application thrown out.

Cherryjack

Thank you, I sent the forms today and I have no idea what happens next and how long it takes.. and what will happen if they allow him to stay. He refuses to sell..he refuses for me to stay with this children. He says if he leaves he will not pay a penny and laughs that they will chase me for the debt.

Keeping_Positive

The Women's aid website has a forum that I used in the early days. I found it reassuring to see I wasnt alone. I would also see if you can find somewhere that runs the freedom project. This is a really good course. Good luck

BWZN93

Flumina wrote: »

Then I hope you can get the court order if he is being abusive or threatening. It is difficult if the house belongs to both of you. You might even be better moving out yourself and taking the kids with you. He'd need to pay the bills himself then! Sounds like he's got you over a barrel at the moment.

Probably would be worse in the long run, he could trash the place while she is gone and make it difficult to access benefits/mail etc, plus who would pay the bills? stay put, be strong, keeping everything crossed for you that things move swiftly to a resolution. My mum was in a similar situation a couple of years ago. Nasty piece of work he was aswell. Good luck. Xx

Cherryjack

This is the awfulness of it, if leave to rent in the Area will be twice as much and unfordable..If I sell i have lost my 21,000 deposit and also have to pay as its in negative equity. He has said he will not pay if I leave and laughed that they will come after me for the money.. hes in control right now and has me stuck while i also get daily abuse and threats from him. Its horrific and I want my children not to see any of this. Thanks for listening

Enterprise_1701C

I can't offer advice, I just wanted to say I hope you manage to get through this situation and come out the other side, he sounds like a petulant child that can't get his own way.

hardworking_mummy

A similar thing happened to me over ten years ago. I went to a specialist family law solicitor on the Thursday - she filed a restraining order in court the next day in absentia which was granted for 30 days.
It prevented my former partner (who owned half the house with me) coming anywhere near me (including our home). We then went to court the following month where he defended himself. I was granted a restraining order for a year. I recall I had to pay upfront (approximately £3k if memory serves) but then as it was domestic abuse I was granted legal aid and was able to claim the money back the solicitor had held. In the end all costs actually ended up being paid by my ex and the judge put an order in that the costs would be deducted from his half of the house sale.
I was amazed to learn later that the police who had turned up when my former partner tried to throttle me and burn the house down should have done more than the nothing they did. It never occured to me back then they should have taken action on my behalf. Even in the 10 years since it happened I think the speed of the courts and police in protecting women in this situation has improved.
Good luck. I hope it all works out well for you and your children.

Guest101

Flumina wrote: »

wait till he's out and change the locks?

How would that help, he can just call a locksmith and have them changed back. - and the OP would then look pretty bad to the court as a provocative person...

Also theres a big difference between abuse and coming home late, laughing at you and not looking after the children.

If he chooses to stay out until 2am, that is not abuse
if he chooses not to offer to rest, that is not abuse
and if he laughs at you, well you can just ignore him.

So what are these threats? because threats of legal action is very different to criminal threats.

Saying 'im going to court and taking the house' is not abuse. Saying 'im going to punch you' is

Guest101

hardworking_mummy wrote: »

A similar thing happened to me over ten years ago. I went to a specialist family law solicitor on the Thursday - she filed a restraining order in court the next day in absentia which was granted for 30 days.
It prevented my former partner (who owned half the house with me) coming anywhere near me (including our home). We then went to court the following month where he defended himself. I was granted a restraining order for a year. I recall I had to pay upfront (approximately £3k if memory serves) but then as it was domestic abuse I was granted legal aid and was able to claim the money back the solicitor had held. In the end all costs actually ended up being paid by my ex and the judge put an order in that the costs would be deducted from his half of the house sale.
I was amazed to learn later that the police who had turned up when my former partner tried to throttle me and burn the house down should have done more than the nothing they did. It never occured to me back then they should have taken action on my behalf. Even in the 10 years since it happened I think the speed of the courts and police in protecting women in this situation has improved.
Good luck. I hope it all works out well for you and your children.

your story, whilst very sad, is nothing like this one.

A restraining order is rarely granted unless physical violence has been used. even the threat of such violence must be very explicit.

Yes the police should've done more in your case