I am such an idiot! When will I learn?

ampersand

judi -
I just started to read, seizing on this, re quiet time/me time: 'at the moment with my studies, work, and problems with kids and my ex there is not much down time '
- and my immediate, latest:-), finger wag is upgraded this time:

judi, you just DO it, have that time, just walk away, shut a door, sit down, or pull over in car to look at a sundown or dramatic sky, for example....when you just take that 1st step, this: ' at the moment with my studies, work, and problems with kids and my ex there is not much down time ' dissolves, self-remedies.
You don't justify it, you just do it. Priorities judi - you set your agenda. Other things WILL fall back, simplify, in response to this. You will deal with them at a suitable, less-important, non-urgent level. Very little really IS 'urgent', judi.
#
Then I saw this:
'I am not really keeping track of NSD - maybe I should!'

[What???? You think it's an option?]

judi - OF COURSE YOU SHOULD!

WHAT WAS THIS, #263:

'Well done, judi! We lurrrrve those nsds:-))))

That signature looks much tidier[and tinier]tonight.
Excellent
You might like to incorporate your monthly nsd count there, too?'
#
Any nsd should headline a post. You'll find it is a staple, a target, on many dfw and other money-trouble mse Threads.

judi this is how you - no-one else - started this, your Thread:

'I am such an idiot! When will I learn?
I am not sure how many times I have to come back here with my situation never improving!!! Who am I kidding??
I have been on and off this site for years (8 i think!) and still not managed to control my spending!'......
~
10 weeks is time enough to let this, and nothing but this, predominate in your mindset.

Decisions and actions then fall into line, are subservient to this.

It does not imprison you in gloom and cheerless unrelenting grim: it sets you free, as you've found several times already.

Re-read what sound advice IS here and follow it. It's good to do this from time to time, to see how far you've come.

You, judi, wanted to change, so back we go to SLOW DOWN, be still, assimilate what's here. You have to have that damascene moment - as with any failing - before any life-change can really bed in.

Stay snug and warm, kettles on for hwbs this w/e. I love fireworks, saw them exploding over the Thames after long, slow pack-up at Spitalfields yesterday [up at 2am, back here 4am this morning]. Resurrecting slowly:-)

Your fireworks and sausages sound t'triffic - here's a good old memories recipe from Edmonds cookbook[NZ'z bible]:
http://theedmondschallenge.blogspot.co.uk/2010/06/give-curry-powder-chance.html
-and:
http://www.firstsearch.co.nz/curried-sausages.html

Always add loads more onions though - scrummy!
#########
Hand on the tiller, steady as she goes[that's us] - but you are on the bridge, Cap'n judi.

judi24

Ampresand - what a lovely and thoughtful post - I will try to take some me time (did it last night - nice bath instead of rushed shower as per usual!)


You are absolutely right with the comment about this journey setting me free rather than imprisoning me - I am quite enjoying my new frugal ways and having to think about what i spend and what value I will get from that spending. Bonfire night was perfect example - In the past I would of paid to go to a display and come home feeling stressed after having to fight the crowds and deal with chaotic parking. Our night was so much nicer for me and kids liked it just as much if not more!


No more NSD's to report but have lept spends down. Today I had planned a day out with DS as DD3 is away at camp and I rarely get to spend time with him on his own. He chose to go to the cinema so I used my student discount and took our own sweets and drinks (giant handbag came in handy!!) keeping the cost down. We went clothes shopping but again did well getting 3 tops and 2 pairs trousers for £27 - badly needed and budgetted for. My son will just not stop growing!!


Tonight snuggled up with blankets instead of heating!


I am trying to slow my pace - but I always do everything at high speed! so need to learn to breath and enjoy the journey (I'm getting there I think!)


Will start counting my NSD's properly from next month (maybe not the best time in the run up to Christmas!)


Anyway off to do a menu plan and shopping list so I can do some food shopping tomorrow! and also do my Christmas shopping lists - feeling very festive tonight!

ampersand

No, judi -

NSD COUNT STARTS NOW!!!

-and heads each post. [Bossy moi, did warn you:-)]

No more shilly-shallying. Today is only Day 9 in this 30-day month and already you have 2 [or is it ...gasp... 3?] to be proud of. This is fantastic!
CHALK THEM UP, LOUD AND PROUD.

It doesn't matter that December may see the count drop a bit, but it needn't, if you plan your sorties and don't fall prey to sudden off-plan frenetic spending jags.

Enough WILL be ENOUGH, Judi...truly it will.
#
Pleasure bath as opposed to working one/shower, always lovely and really good as your end-of-week clean break.

Happy time with ds - well done! I'm on carpet bag mkII since 1980 - tardis capacity[not that I'm a Who-vian, can't stand it], excellent en rte>NZ last April-June.

I do have news though judi: ds will keep growing! SO -
you see essentials, put them away ahead. He cannot be too young to learn what things cost new or can be found/acquired in other ways at lesser prices.
Children of all ages can be given a sum and told to see how well they can do with it.
It's also a good way of letting clothes crazes pass more cheaply. DS could surprise you with his creative mindset, discernment, or apparent folly. Matters not. When HIS budget is gone, it's gone.

Girls should all have basic DIY/car knowledge.
Boys should all be able to use a sewing machine, an iron, a needle and thread.

Another brownie point for blanket snugglies - all while hwb was quietly warming your bed, bien sûr.

I posted on our 5 OSPs Thread about chance happening on near village small-scale f/w display. Totally agree.
#
Good on you for menu planning[with many sausages:-)], but how are your store cupboards and freezer atm?
There are challenge Threads on both of those - and just as I went to look for them, this one showed itself:
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/66941721#Comment_66941721

That leads you to the £20 weekly for a Family of 4 Thread.

I'll let you hunt for the freezer and store cupboard Threads: guarantee you'll find other useful ones on the way, but I ration you to TWO, otherwise that temptation to flit and hop may well resurface:-)

So, those shopping lists are supplementary ONLY, working around and topping up what you will be using up.

OK?
#
'need to learn to breath and enjoy the journey (I'm getting there I think!' -

You are at least more aware of this Life/balance essential, I think it's safe to say, also realising that it actually is in YOUR control, your right to yourself.

Until I see that DEBT-FREE 32.13.201X achieved, &broom will be ever-revving, ready to zoom in and Apply Corrective!
#
Again judi, your generous acceptance of 'rebukes' and ideas here lights up your good heart and intentions. We will tie you on that wagon. Any reader here can see you do have a very strong core.

And remember it's 'should/would/might/will have' - 'of' just doesn't make sense, does it? Have a think. It's nothing to do with dyslexia[yellow card!]

Butti

Judi,
What I do might work for you.
Plan the month ahead from payday putting in social events, big economic hits and conversely your NSDs. Do a weekly plan in more detail. At the start of the week put in some me time.
STOP using the word should (terrible judgemental word) and just do it or don't.

judi24

November NSD 5/9

Butti - I do this too for social events - I have started planning the months and budgetting for each event. It seems to work well - yesterdays day out was planned as I had spent a day in the holidays with my DD3 (but now DD2 is asking when her Mummy day is! so need to plan that one). Next month is so busy and got a few social events planned but the main one is paid for fully out of this months budget (including mini bus) and not buying anything new to wear!!


My younger kids are not at the demanding stage with clothes - they are quite happy with a few basic outfits (after all they are in uniform most of the time!). For my DS I have an advantage in that my DD2 works in a discount sports shop so we can get trainers and sports gear at heavily reduced prices which ticks his 'label' box at a fraction of the cost. When they are older they will get an allowance - and when it's gone it's gone - I did this with my older 2 and it worked well until they both got weekend jobs at 16!


I have done my menu plan for the week and don't need much! Last pack of free sausages will be a sausage casserole and burgers left over from a summer BBQ turned into meat balls with spaghetti (DD3 doesn't like burgers but does like the same burgers turned into meatballs!!). Got lots of leftovers for lunches for me but do need dog and cat food, toilet roll and kitchen roll! and a few basics (fruit and veg, milk and bread Should be less than £50. I do browse the OS board for ideas and buy very little processed food. I can't decide whether to go to MrS rather than my usual A*di as they have sent me £6 off a £40 shop for the next 4 weeks - I like MrS but its easy to be tempted by offers!


Gorgeous day here - first washing out, second load in the machine and now off to do my shopping and pick up a tired and dirty DD3 from Scout camp! Then home to make Sunday dinner for all 4 of my brood before DD1 goes back to Hull tonight (if she ever recovers from her hangover!!)


Ampersand I will be very disspointed if you do not contine to chastise me right up to my debt free date!!!!

shoe*diva79

Hi Judi

I have just read your thread - your making excellent progress!

I just wanted to offer some advice with regard to the CSA.

If you and your ex has shared care of your son, whoever is claiming the child benefit with be known as the main parent with care and as such can claim child maintenance from the other parent.

With regards to the CSA collecting the money on your behalf, it will cost you £20 application fee to open the case and then your ex will automatically be given the chance to pay you direct. If he does not then arrears will be accrued and the CSA will then collect on your behalf. They will charge you 4% of the assessment for this which will be taken out of what they collect. They will charge him 20% of the assessment -on top of the assessment! So it really is in his best interests to pay what he is morally and legally obliged to do.

The charges for you are so minimal that I wouldn't hesitate putting your claim in and getting what is rightfully due for your children.

ampersand

Blimey!

Just back from Remembrance Sunday service and what-what-what?

BIG PINK 5 out of BIG PINK 9, already? That's more than half the month so far!
Way ahead of me judi:-)

Completely incredible.
-but then again, completely credible, for the person we increasingly recognise as Cap'n Super-Focus judi.

#
judi - it's wonderful to see the children have already fastened onto your new mindset and personal '+Mummy' days.

You do realise, I hope, that these moments of acceptance, and readiness to change, stem directly from all that you inherently are. They are welcome[and essential] passengers on board your debt-buster bus.

Please credit yourself with this.

Et oui - yellow thing in sky here too. Long may it shine.

Invalesco

Hi, I'm very much a lurker on these forums but just wanted to chip in my support. I'm also a single Mum and I've been a terrible judge of money in the past (who am I kidding! I still am) and your thread has struck a chord with me. At the moment I'm in the 'bury my head in the sand and the bills will stop coming' mindset (not good I know!) but reading your journey has inspired me to really start making some changes come the new year. I'll keep following your journey with avid interest

Ooo btw I've just discovered Pinterest the other week and already myself and two boys have had lots of CHEAP! family fun with Xmas crafts. If you haven't had a look I'd recommend. I have also seen lots of crochet designs so hunted down some crochet hooks and wool for free off friends and am teaching myself through on line tutorials...failing greatly by the third row lol but I won't give up till I have those Xmas crochet stars :mad:

judi24

Well I disapear for a few hours to be a domestic goddess and came back to some lovely new readers and new posts!! How nice!

Shoe Diva thank you for the advice about CSA - the problem has just got more complicated as my DS is now with me full time - but I'm not sure how long for! The situation is really complicated as my ex won't have my son while he is on a trial of medication (my DS wants to be on the trial and it is having a fantastic effect! he has ADHD and has been struggling in school) but I don't know what will happen at the end of the 5 weeks - I am hoping my DS decides to stay with me rather than going back to shared care - so I don't know whether to apply now or wait - athough my ex hasn't paid anything since April! I did ask him just to help with DD3 school trips (£400) but he just says he can't afford it - its funny though that his partner is posting all over FB that they are going on a Carribean cruise! It really annoys me that he won't even help out a little!


Ampersand - loving the mummy days and making sure I set a budget for them. I am impressed with the NSD total so far! I was surprised too but went back though all my posts to check!


Its been a lovely day here - I noticed my winter flowering Jasmine is in full bloom - it looks lovely but it is a strange time for it to be flowering - i think it is a little confused! Grass is also confused as it is still growing and needs cut again!!!


Welcome Invalesco - I do use pintrest occasionally but I will have a look at Christmas crafts! Crochet stars sound fun - I used to be able to crochet but not done it for years - but I have an assignment due in a few weeks so I think any crafting might have to wait!


I do have to say I am enjoying living more frugally and kids seem to be embracing it too (execpt the disasterous chicken cobbler - which did not go down well but will definately be logged in the 'funny family memories' bank! - they couldn't quite get their head round how you could have chicken with a scone on top!)


Decided to go to MrS to do my shopping and ended up spending £65 - so a bit more than I had planned. But got a big bag of dog food which was £12 but should last the month. Also got a couple of birthday cards for my dad - things like that soon mount up! I did get a few more meals than planned but they will do for next week - got 2 chickens and a gammon joint on offer. Cooked both chickens and now got enough chicken for another 3 meals and currently boiling the carcasses for soup. Made my dad some Scottish tablet for his birthday (he loves it and really doesnt need or want anything else - he always asks me to make it for him!). Made some apple and blackberry crumble from some past their best apples and some of the blackberries we foraged a few weeks ago - was yummy and got enough left for tomorrow after our soup!!!


No major spends planned this week - I have £12 in my purse and I want that to last me the week for DS bus fare (£1 a day)and his tuck money for cadets (2 x £2) so can't sepnd anything on anything unplanned!!! Must remember to take my lunches all week! so I have £3 spare - oohh what could I do with the £3 I have left???


I do have a complicated question about my credit cards but I will post it seprately once I get my figures right!

judi24

Oh and I can't use smilies or any of the features on the advanced tab on here except font size and colour and I don't know why!!!