I am such an idiot! When will I learn?

PlutoinCapricorn

This whole presents issue... perhaps you have just got into the habit of spending so much without really thinking about it, but I could hardly believe how much of your income goes on gifts!

I am on MSE because I am an anti-consumerist on the whole. I look for bargains everywhere. One of my most successful Christmas presents ever cost me £0.50p! It was a beautiful china mug I found in a charity shop, and was a real 'find'. it is treasured by the people I gave it to, all the more when I actually confessed how much it had cost me. I got a brand new, unopened board game for £2.50 in a charity shop: £22 on Amazon!

LIDL and ALDI have 'special buys' and sometimes they have really good stuff: last year I got a set of coloured cheese knives that everyone loved. One year I just gave some things I had bought but never used, so I decluttered and also had a very cheap Christmas. I don't know anyone who goes by price: they like interesting things that they have not got the time to look for.

BOWSER

Just to add to what the others have said, you can get better tariffs for phone, entertainment and energy which could save you a little extra per month which will go towards your remaining £500+ per month + another £100 from your daughter, you could use the majority of this to pay off your debts or put a small amount into an emergency fund, you'll have a better idea of your overall employment situation to as whether you need a couple of months savings in case you lose your job...

As for Birthdays and Christmas...If you have circa £600 - £700 (with the tarriffs saves and more housekeep) cash to put towards your debt then in my opinion you are in a relatively good situation to over pay your debts. If you are anything like me you can say what you want about cutting back on the presents but deep down you know you will end up spending just the same amount on these occasions as you usually do, so just work it into your budget as you have...you are looking at paying the lot off within 20 months, in the grand scheme of things you are going to become debt free 2 months sooner if you cut the budget back to £50 a month, it's ultimately up to you how much you sacrifice but remember you still have to be happy to make this work. :beer:

judi24

Thanks for everyone's coments - I know the present issue is my downfall! I only really buy for my 4 kids and my mum but I know i spend too much! This year I already have an idea for my youngest - which wont cost too much and she will be over the moon - I have a broken mobile that i am still paying insurance for - If I get that repaired it will cost £50 excess and then get it unlocked I can get her a pay as you go sim and she will have a decent phone for £50. The younger 2 also get gifts from thier dad so even if I reduce my spending they will still not go without! I just need to be strong!


As for my 21 year old - I realy do need to be a bit firmer with her regarding contributing to the house - but I guess i feel guilty asking her for more when its my debt not hers!! and she always tells me her friends don't pay anything so she

Sellurgranny

Hi Judi,

Being a single parent is hard work, and the suggestions you've had so far are a good start.

I was bit confused about the comment you made in your original post about setting up your daughter in her own home as it appears she still lives with you?

"I then helped her set up in her new home as she doesnt get paid until the end of the month so needed to live for a month on very little except my handouts!"

I might be getting confused though so please excuse if I've got it all wrong!

In any case, £100 is very low for a contribution. Way back when I started earning (£800/month) as an office junior I paid my mum £40 a week and that was in 1987! So I think you've every right to 'charge' her a bit more than you are. Im assuming thats for the roof over her head, bills and board.... that's dead cheap and not very realistic - doesnt matter about your debts - if she were paying a landlord she wouldnt know where the money is going would she.

As a single parent, for the last umpteen years I've saved some money each month for xmas with Studio (via a friend who does the scheme) you select high street/store vouchers and they get delivered at the beginning of November, just in time for xmas shopping. I save £40 a month, and have £400 for xmas which covers everything as you can choose supermarket vouchers too.

Good luck with you budgeting - oh and dont forget if you're switching utility providers/mobiles etc, to go through a cashback site - its quite surprising how that can mount up over time.

sellurgranny x

themull1

Meatloaf1981 wrote: »

Ok well in answer to some of your points. You could start with doubling your daughters contribution. £200 a month is so cheap for a 21 year old. She's welcome to leave if she doesn't want to pay it, as she'll soon find renting a room for £400 plus bills will put things in perspective!

Planning your shopping and doing it once a week, taking full advantage of discount offers and loss leaders is an absolute must. The "brand swap" is a great idea and being firm with the kids about things is where you may need to bend a few noses in their joints. The kids need to realise they are not "entitled" to eat whatever they want, brand-wise and if they have a specific favourite then they can buy it themselves with their own money.

The birthday presents and Christmas budget should be halved. Easily halved. You can get nice, thoughtful presents without spending ridiculous sums. Kids want the latest gadgets, but that doesn't mean you have to get them! If they want one, offer to help them save up for one or else they will never understand the value of money. Rule of thumb for me, when it comes to kids is not to spend more than £30 on their birthday and no more than £50 at Christmas. It can be done, and they won't love you any less for spending less if you put genuine thought into it.

You can entertain the kids without taking them expensive places. Believe me, it can be done!

I don't think £400 a year is a ridiculous amount for birthdays and christmas for each child, i normally spend £100 birthdays and £300 christmas for my two kids, i like them to have a lot of things to open. Its great if you want to do it for £50, but some people don't and will cut back on other things instead.

DawnW

themull1 wrote: »

I don't think £400 a year is a ridiculous amount for birthdays and christmas for each child, i normally spend £100 birthdays and £300 christmas for my two kids, i like them to have a lot of things to open. Its great if you want to do it for £50, but some people don't and will cut back on other things instead.

If you can afford this, then fine. If you can't, that is, if you are accumulating debt and having trouble paying your bills, then I am afraid it really is too much

Meatloaf1981

themull1 wrote: »

I don't think £400 a year is a ridiculous amount for birthdays and christmas for each child, i normally spend £100 birthdays and £300 christmas for my two kids, i like them to have a lot of things to open. Its great if you want to do it for £50, but some people don't and will cut back on other things instead.

I rather think you've missed the point here. The OP is stating she needs help saving money on her debts. When you owe money and want to pay it back quickly, you need to make appropriate cuts to your budget. Saving £150 a month for presents for 4 kids is excessive when you have budgeting for debt in mind. I'm glad for you that you can afford to spend such large sums on your kids. Those of us who can't need to be a little more inventive and come up with things that don't cost the earth, but still have meaning. The OP wanted advice on where to make some cutbacks, her spending on presents is clearly one area she could make significant cuts.

PlutoinCapricorn

Having lots of presents to open does not necessarily mean spending more. I got little retro packs about children in WW2 that were full of interesting items.

I have remembered another great hit: pomelos were on offer a few years ago - 3 for £1 I think. I gave them to people who had never seen them before: it took 15 minutes to get the peel off and children loved 'unwrapping the present'. They loved the citrusey smell, the fact that you could eat the segments one papule at a time and the fresh taste.

[Deleted User]

Your daughter is earning around £900pm.

I don't think giving you 1/3rd of that, to cover her board and lodgings, is unreasonable.

When I started work, I was giving my parents over 1/2 of my take home pay.

Admittedly, that was long time ago (when a groat was a lot of money ), but even so, 1/9th of her salary is a paltry amount.

judi24

Thanks for your replied. I agree the presents situation needs addressing as it is definately one of the reasons I am in debt! I also agree about my daughter paying more keep and I aim to a dress this. Just to clarify I have 4 kids my eldest is 22 and has just moved away. It was her I was helping out. My second daughter is 21 and lives at home and my younger 2 are 12 and 10