I am such an idiot! When will I learn?

judi24

Still have £10 in my purse - manged to avoid going for lunch with my friend - she went to the shop and brought her lunch to my office so I coud eat my packed lunch!
so 2 NSDs in a row!!!!


Also discovered that my son might be entitled to DLA so going to investigate that!


I have decided to go and see a solicitor regarding the residency issue - I have been !!!!!footing around becuase of fear - but this is letting my ex have the upper hand in relation to paying child support and trying to move my DS school - time to get strong again!!!

Teacher2

My daughter paid me £400 a month when she lived at home and my son is paying me the same now he has got a properly paid job. I have saved the money for them for house deposits (but have not told them and will not until they need it.) They complained about paying £400 but had no choice but to cough up. My daughter now has her own place and budgets £900 a month so she can see she was getting a bargain at home. I thought it was good for them to learn to pay their way and to apportion their money sensibly.

In your case I imagine that £400 would be a stretch for your daughter but you could charge her £250-£300. This could go on a standing order made out straight to your most pressing debts. Your suggestion that you share your budget and outgoings with your daughter seems an excellent one. Get her on board and support each other.

Others have suggested you pay back your overdrafts but that might well be tempting fate if you were seduced into to spending again. Pay back the highest interest cards and blitz those debts one by one with your daughter's housekeeping money. In the mean time cut the cards up so you cannot use them again.

As for the spending on presents. However much children complain they do understand when there is an emergency so get them recruited to saving money too. Tell them they have a £50 limit for their present (not £100) but that they can have what they want with the money. Perhaps their father could add to the total and they could have something bigger with both parents' present money added together? Or other members of the family? Better to have one biggie than lots of little bits of tat.

Best of luck. I am sure you will make it.

[Deleted User]

Teacher2 wrote: »

In your case I imagine that £400 would be a stretch for your daughter

I don't see why. She's earning around £900pm.

In my day, around 2/3rds of my basic salary, went for board and keep, making that £400 a bargain.

judi24

Thanks Teacher - I will speak to my daughter about keep but it won't be pretty! But I guess if she doesnt like it she can find somewhere else to live (i know I'm soft but I hate the idea of forcing them out!) - I have noticed a massive difference in relation to food usage, washing etc while she is away on holiday - she is very fussy and creates loads of washing!


I get what you mean about paying the CC's before the OD's I guess psychologically the OD's are the things that annoy me most but maybe I should rethink!


In relation to Christmas - i am definately going to spend less on bits and only get one main present and not much else this year - they will still get a stocking but will try to fill it with practical things like toiletaries - and definately cutting down on food at Christmas - it is really not needed!


Bedsit Bob - I currentlty pay over 2/3 of my salary on living expenses (not including debt!) so in some respects I agree with you rationale but I guess that is why I have worked so hard - to help them have a nice life which in my mind includes enjoying thier youth a bit before real life takes over - i suppose I am am giving them a false veiw of life and over protecting them - could I be making things worse for them by trying to support them??

[Deleted User]

judi24 wrote: »

could I be making things worse for them by trying to support them??

I think you are definitely setting them up, for an unpleasant shock, when the time comes (and it could come at any moment) that they have to manage on their own, in the big wide world.

Also, your daughter is no longer a youth.

She's a young adult, who should be paying her own way in life.

judi24

Bedsit Bob - I fear you are correct! While my eldest was a uni I let her get away with not paying very much (£80 keep) and £58 towards a £158 car payment - so basically she paid nothing (- £20) and she now has the car! I know it sounds insane but the reason I did this was that I desprately wanted her to stay in uni - and I know she was struggling to keep up with some of her friends who left school at 16 got apprenticeships with chemical engineering companies and are now earning 40k at 21! I felt that she was ready to jack in uni and go and do the same but her degree is voccational and is a good career (pharmacy)! I wanted her to 'fit' in and have a good time whist still managing to complete her uni course (she did work 2 part time jobs too!) but now - she has her first job (21k) but is renting a flat and paying her bills and car and has very little disposable income and it has come as a real shock!!!


I guess I just didnt want my girls to struggle like i had to at thier age (22 with 1 baby and 1 on the way with no career and a husband that was a wast of space!)


OMG maybe I have got this all so wrong!!!

[Deleted User]

judi24 wrote: »

but now - she has her first job (21k) but is renting a flat and paying her bills and car and has very little disposable income and it has come as a real shock!!!

So, she's experiencing life as an adult, just like millions of other people.

As the saying goes "Welcome to the real world".

Sheltering your children, from financial reality, is doing them no favours.

Consider what would happen to your 21 year-old if (heaven forbid) you were to die today.

Ask yourself how she would cope, living on her own, responsible for all her own bills and expenses, suddenly going from giving you £100 per month, to having £100 per month (or maybe less) for herself.

judi24

I get what you are saying Bedsit Bob - its hard being a aperent to know how and what to do for the ebst - you spend so much time trying to protect them from the evil world that maybe you loose sight of the fact that they are not kids anymore!


Saying that - If I was to die she would be laughing as I am insured to the eyballs house would be paid and have a dependants pension!!! (shhhh don't tell them or they might bump me off!!! - especially when I ask for more keep!!!)

heartbreak_star

My mum and dad sheltered me financially.

I ended up with £15k of debt. I still have £8k to pay off.

Educate her, don't shelter her.

HBS x

Hermia

judi24 wrote: »

Bedsit Bob - I fear you are correct! While my eldest was a uni I let her get away with not paying very much (£80 keep) and £58 towards a £158 car payment - so basically she paid nothing (- £20) and she now has the car! I know it sounds insane but the reason I did this was that I desprately wanted her to stay in uni - and I know she was struggling to keep up with some of her friends who left school at 16 got apprenticeships with chemical engineering companies and are now earning 40k at 21! I felt that she was ready to jack in uni and go and do the same but her degree is voccational and is a good career (pharmacy)! I wanted her to 'fit' in and have a good time whist still managing to complete her uni course (she did work 2 part time jobs too!) but now - she has her first job (21k) but is renting a flat and paying her bills and car and has very little disposable income and it has come as a real shock!!!


I guess I just didnt want my girls to struggle like i had to at thier age (22 with 1 baby and 1 on the way with no career and a husband that was a wast of space!)


OMG maybe I have got this all so wrong!!!

I think you have fallen into the trap a lot of parents do of wanting your kids to not go through what you did, so you end up going too far the other way. My mum had pushy parents and was stressed throughout her teens so vowed not to push me. She didn't push me at all so I ended up dropping out of doing anything difficult and I did not push to do my best in exams. Balance is key.

When it comes to finances teaching kids about the real world is never a bad idea. I know quite a few 20somethings who are either in debt or hugely resentful that their standard of living has dropped since leaving home.