cheeky to ask guests to pay?

Anatidaephobia

Hev_smev wrote: »

No i have already said, I think asking for cash in a card is a fast!

My feeling would be that at least cash in a card is a gift rather than payment for entry to your wedding.

piglet25

I was invited to a wedding where we had to pay for our meals, it was a fiver deposit and fourteen quid on the day, ( to be paid to a lady collecting the money during the meal :O ) plus gifts. I felt that was rude, as the value of the gift they had asked for from me was well in excess of two hundred and fifty quid. I did not end up attending as the couple in question managed to alienate virtually everyone in the run up to the wedding due to their idea that they wanted people to pay for them to get married - money towards decorations, who wants to put in for the dress etc but they did ring the day before to check they could still have their present as they knew what it was :O I told them to take a hike.
The couple in question aren't financially struggling either, as if that was the case people wouldn't have minded as much and would have been happy to help but they were just being downright greedy.
And just to say, every time their daughter has a birthday we are all invited to share in the celebrations with them, so long as we pay for a place at the child's party. People can be so unreal its shocking - if you can't afford it, ask why other people should be expected to pay for it. If people offer thats different but to expect people to fork out because you have decided to get married is rude.

Fuzzy_Duck

The way I see it, you should have the wedding you can afford. It's in bad taste to have a big do and expect your guests to contribute to the cost. As a wedding guest, I do try to be generous, but you have to appreciate that guests often have to spend money on an outfit, transport and hotel. I don't think it's asking much for them to expect a little bit of hospitality in return.

I would only invite the people I love and want there and provide what I could afford. It doesn't have to be a fancy three course meal- there was a time where a bit of punch and cake was the standard. You could do away with the food entirely and just invite people to the ceremony.

Anyone cheeky enough to ask for an invite? I'd say sorry, no, the venue can only accommodate so many people. It's easily sorted.

To be fair I think what hellokitty08 describes is totally unacceptable- an invitation to join the couple at a restaurant after (with a clear message that it is not going to be paid for by the couple) is not the same as them booking a fancy wedding venue and expecting guests to buy for their meals.

abby1234519

And this is why my wedding meal is costing £7 a head!

minerva_windsong

I can sort of see why you're doing it - these are people you wouldn't have invited but who want to come so you're asking them to cover the costs - but what I don't understand is why you're letting them come. Do you actually want them there? I'm guessing not because you would have invited them otherwise. If so, what is so wrong with saying 'really sorry, we'd love you to be there but there just isn't the space'? They don't have to know it's not true! Unless it's going to upset family members, in which case I can see why you're choosing this as a means of keeping everyone happy. Personally I would just have a smaller wedding, but each to their own I guess...

GoldenShadow

I'm surprised so many people are bothered. So often people ask for cash for a wedding present and basically pay off the wedding with it or go on honeymoon with it because they blew all they had on the wedding. The only issue to me seems to be the phrasing.

My friend had a very small wedding and we all paid £25 a head for food. They didn't want gifts. It was really lovely, best wedding I've ever been to. But then if I ever got married I wouldn't want to pay for people to come and watch which is what it seems like. The concept is just so alien to me, I don't like being part of the centre of attention ever, though.

*manda*

A cousin of mine got married a few years ago - we aren't a particularly close family however my mum (her aunt) was invited. The issue we had was she would not have been able to go on her own and really we needed to take her there and by car, then sort hotel etc out. I offered to pay for me and OH to attend as I realise we aren't top of the list, but it would have made my mother a lot more comfortable and quite frankly would have meant we weren't twiddling our thumbs in between dropping her off and picking her up, it was also 200 miles away. They politely declined but primarily because other cousins who lived nearby weren't invited and didn't want issues ( completely understandable) however we were able to go to the ceremony and evening do so it worked out ok.

It isn't always a case of whether or not you want someone there- my cousin did not invite me, nor did she not want me there but there were other issues that made it difficult, I would have never expected her to have just invited me knowing how much it was likely to be costing.

Fuzzy_Duck

GoldenShadow wrote: »

I'm surprised so many people are bothered. So often people ask for cash for a wedding present and basically pay off the wedding with it or go on honeymoon with it because they blew all they had on the wedding. The only issue to me seems to be the phrasing.

My friend had a very small wedding and we all paid £25 a head for food. They didn't want gifts. It was really lovely, best wedding I've ever been to. But then if I ever got married I wouldn't want to pay for people to come and watch which is what it seems like. The concept is just so alien to me, I don't like being part of the centre of attention ever, though.

I hate that though. I'm getting married next year and our budget only allows for a modest wedding. We're using some inheritance money for the honeymoon. So yes, fair enough, money would be nice to receive- but I would never be so rude as to ask for it. I don't expect anyone to buy us a gift, and if they choose to do so, I think they should be allowed to buy what they want on a budget that suits them. You can buy a lovely, well-thought out gift on a budget, but when the couple want money, you feel obligated to overspend so you don't look cheap.

Interestingly a Spanish friend told me that in Spain, word is passed around regarding how much the wedding meal cost and guests then give that amount of money as a gift. I still think in this culture however, the majority would find it rude.

Idiophreak

Fuzzy_Duck wrote: »

I hate that though. I'm getting married next year and our budget only allows for a modest wedding. We're using some inheritance money for the honeymoon. So yes, fair enough, money would be nice to receive- but I would never be so rude as to ask for it. I don't expect anyone to buy us a gift, and if they choose to do so, I think they should be allowed to buy what they want on a budget that suits them. You can buy a lovely, well-thought out gift on a budget, but when the couple want money, you feel obligated to overspend so you don't look cheap.

So you'd be happier with people completely wasting their money on a toaster you don't need, a set of crockery you'll never use or liliputia lane cottage you'll stick in your cupboard and forget about?

As a guest, I think it's far from rude for people to just tell me what they want. The idea of giving someone a gift is that it will make their life easier or otherwise enrich it. If paying back a bit of debt makes their life easier, sobeit. I've paid towards people's honeymoons, new sofas, new cars, house deposits...All quite gladly. Saves a fortune on wrapping paper, too

I do, however, give the same amount to every wedding I go to, whether I give cash or a present....I think it's rare people are so self-obsessed that they'll ever view your contribution as "cheap"...and if they are..."oh well", basically.

Fuzzy_Duck

Idiophreak wrote: »

So you'd be happier with people completely wasting their money on a toaster you don't need, a set of crockery you'll never use or liliputia lane cottage you'll stick in your cupboard and forget about?

As a guest, I think it's far from rude for people to just tell me what they want. The idea of giving someone a gift is that it will make their life easier or otherwise enrich it. If paying back a bit of debt makes their life easier, sobeit. I've paid towards people's honeymoons, new sofas, new cars, house deposits...All quite gladly. Saves a fortune on wrapping paper, too

I do, however, give the same amount to every wedding I go to, whether I give cash or a present....I think it's rare people are so self-obsessed that they'll ever view your contribution as "cheap"...and if they are..."oh well", basically.

I was going to tell my guests not to bother at all personally but my partner thought it was equally rude to dictate what they do. Why does it matter though? Getting a gift I don't need is hardly the worse thing in the world, and if the guest cares about wasting their money they'd either not bother or ask what we wanted surely.

Having said all that, I am only inviting people I am close to- and those people certainly already know I own a toaster and have a good idea of what we like as gifts. So I doubt very well I would end up in such a situation anyway. If I did though, I would be grateful and remember it's the thought that counts!

To some extent though I think it depends on how it's said. If a guest asks, then fair enough, I see no problem with saying you're saving up for whatever and would welcome a contribution. Personally though, I am sick of those awful poems asking for money that everyone else seems to think are cute.