Is it unreasonable to expect someone to turn up on time?

lostinrates

Fwiw I am an always early person. ( who believes early is as rude is late, i arrive at the door a few minutes late, at a meeting venue I'll have been there reading a book for a while)

I married a usually late person. I have friends of the late sort.

I am relaxed about it because one has to be. People are late when using dicey transport. You can look up all the transport you like, but a link in the chain breaks down and you are stymied. People come to socialise over a fair distance. A couple of weeks a go I met three woman, two drove about forty minutes, one came about two hours on a train, I drove an hour and a half. Of course the train suffered delays, and other delays occurred ( baby related) .

My DH gets a train home every week. He gets two trains more often than any other, one is almost always four to six minutes late, the other ( different station) ten to twenty minutes late. Neither are usually marked as late, oddly. The twenty minute late one leaves his place of departure just half an hour later than the other train, but arrives at a station half an hour further away. So , it can add a big chunk of lateness on to our Friday evenings.

Georgiegirl256

Peter333 wrote: »

And then to have the temerity to blame the people who are annoyed by their lateness, and label them as 'intolerant!' It just beggars belief! Do people with this attitude think it's OK to get to work 20-30 minutes late too? Do they turn up for hospital and doctors and dentist appointments 20-30 minutes late too?

Would they turn up 20-30 minutes late for an interview for a job, or a passport, or their hairdresser or for an appointment with their solicitor and so forth??? Probably not; so why do they think it's OK to do this to friends over and over again? IMO, it IS because they think their time is more important, and probably because they think THEY are more important.

Exactly. You wouldn't do it if you had an appointment, so why do it to people who are your friends and family?

DUTR

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Exactly. You wouldn't do it if you had an appointment, so why do it to people who are your friends and family?

TBH I wouldn't have friends that are so anal about time for none essential meetings, it could be argued is the organiser so important that 'everyone' should jump to their rigid schedule?
I've had a text today from the person leading our holiday, which reads, we are meeting at the airport between 1400-1430, the ones that like to arrive when they feel ca sit on their own.
At least there is a nice time window to not pressurise an on the dot policy.

KxMx

I have to use public transport and always try to set off in plenty of time.

If something like heavy traffic or a late train happens I would always let a friend know I am running late and why, and then update them once or twice further if appropriate.

jaylee3

DUTR wrote: »

TBH I wouldn't have friends that are so anal about time for none essential meetings, it could be argued is the organiser so important that 'everyone' should jump to their rigid schedule?
I've had a text today from the person leading our holiday, which reads, we are meeting at the airport between 1400-1430, the ones that like to arrive when they feel ca sit on their own.
At least there is a nice time window to not pressurise an on the dot policy.

It's not being 'anal' to want people to be roughly on time.

It's just good manners! To be on time is common courtesy towards the person who has the decency to invite you into their home, or to turn up on time for YOU!

They want people to come on time, so you say they are saying everyone should jump to their rigid schedule?! :rotfl: You really are blowing things out of proportion, and creating a situation and scenario that simply does not exist.

DUTR

jaylee3 wrote: »

It's not being 'anal' to want people to be roughly on time.

It's just good manners! To be on time is common courtesy towards the person who has the decency to invite you into their home, or to turn up on time for YOU!

They want people to come on time, so you say they are saying everyone should jump to their rigid schedule?! :rotfl: You really are blowing things out of proportion, and creating a situation and scenario that simply does not exist.

I agree, with the roughly on time, some of the responses are, they must turn up exactly on time or before, jobs , shows, trains planes etc, yes there is a rigid time schedule and continue without them .

Whichever side of the fence folk sit, I don't think they should be trying to change the other, and just be tolerant.

Georgiegirl256

DUTR wrote: »

TBH I wouldn't have friends that are so anal about time for none essential meetings, it could be argued is the organiser so important that 'everyone' should jump to their rigid schedule?
I've had a text today from the person leading our holiday, which reads, we are meeting at the airport between 1400-1430, the ones that like to arrive when they feel ca sit on their own.
At least there is a nice time window to not pressurise an on the dot policy.

I see what you're saying, but if a person can be on time for something they need to be on time for, then they can obviously do it, they can obviously be punctual when it suits. So why not do that all of the time?

5-10 minutes here or there, fair enough. Maybe even 15 mins (with a good reason) but any longer is taking the P in my opinion. If you have more open ended time options such as anytime between 1400 and say 1430 then that's fine, because it's agreed in advance. But if it's agreed that you'll meet at 1400, then both parties should be punctual.

purpleshoes_2

Seriously, where did I say I just turned up and hoped for the best? Of course I know the times of the buses that run past my house. My point was that unlike other areas of the town, I have one bus company that serves the route and 3 buses run an hour. One every 20 mins.

So if I turn up for the 10.14 and it doesnt turn up, the next one is 10.34 so then yes, you are at the mercy of public transport.

I was going home the other day after meeting my mum, my bus was due at 3.34, it didnt turn up, I had to wait for the next one, it was at 3.54, that one turned up.

Lots of people have complained about the service, the bus company couldnt care less. The part of town my mum lives in, she can get an express bus that also serves as a service bus and another 3 companies run buses past the end of her road. The main bus company in the area which is the one that I have to use as there are no alternatives runs a service past her house during the day every 8 mins. She is much better placed getting into town centre than I am.

The service I use also used to run a bus once every 30 mins at night, its now been cut to one an hour. I cant get a train into town, the train station stop is midway between my house and the town centre and only serves the towns on either side of it, it only connects one other specific part of town to the town I live in.

But even my mum has problems with her bus service, more so on a sunday when they run less regularly and some minor bus companies who run during the week dont run at all, sometimes they are late, no matter what the timetable says.

There are other options such as walking, which I have done in times gone by, taxis arent an option due to lack of funds.

I find it a bit strange that when someone leaves the house 20 mins early to get to town and a bus doesnt turn up and you end up 5-10 mins late or so that in any way shape or form, thats your fault. Because in order to be on time, Id need to leave the house 40 mins early whenever I needed to meet someone and even then, you cant guarantee what might turn up and what wouldnt.

Not unrealistic that someone who pays for a monthly bus ticket or any bus ticket should expect that a bus should run to timetable barring freak weather or roadworks. Oh and on that note, my town for the last 18 months has been subject to massive roadworks which has also caused chaos with buses, they are worse now than they ever were. Sometimes my mum is late meeting me, it doesnt mean shes rude or arrogant or disrespects me. It means shes been held up, pure and simple.

A smaller bus company used to run the service that passes my house and buses used to run every 15 mins and they ran like clockwork. The bigger bus company used to run another bus that would take me and other people into town, you could walk 10 mins or so to get to the point on the route where it would pick you up, but that got re routed into a local hospital because if a bus serves a hospital, they get a subsidy, so that isnt an option anymore either and hasnt been for a few years now.

By the way I do hold down a job, I happen to work a 2 minute walk away from my flat and I do have friends. I just happen to have someone in my family who understands any time I am slightly late (which isnt always), that my bus service stinks.

And vice versa, because when my mum is on her way down to my house sometimes and texts me when shes at the bus stop saying the bus I normally use is late and so is she going to be, I know exactly what its like, so I dont get my knickers in a knot.

As I also said previously, if Im going further afield I can get an express bus that takes me into the nearest big city and I often go in hours early because the last one runs stupidly early.

Just that on a journey into town, if a bus is late or doesnt turn up at all, I might have to wait on the next one.

Not poor planning, not tardiness. Just a shockingly bad bus service run by a company who know they have the monopoly on that route and couldnt care less whether the service they provide is decent or not.

Never heard such judgemental crud in all my life to be honest and the response to my post above was clearly written by someone who didnt read what I had to say in the first instance and just wanted to get on their high horse and start making rude and untrue assumptions in order to score goodness knows what moral high ground.

When I was going home the other day after I met my mum and I was waiting for the bus home at 3.34, I expected it to turn up at 3.34, it turned up at 3.54.

My mum understands how bad that bus service is and sometimes when we have been out together and Im waiting to go home and a bus rocks up anything up to 30 mins late, shes upset for me at the fact that shes in the house and shes sitting in the house because shes got one first.

We have a fantastic relationship, I am not rude, nor disrespectful, nor arrogant.

And its pot luck. You could go out on any given day and the buses will run maybe not exactly on time, but a few minutes late. Another day you'll be standing freezing your backside off at a bus stop for 30 or 40 mins.

Its hard to predict. Oh and Im sure this post will be ripped to shreds by people who think I should leave home 3 hours and 45 mins early just to make sure I get a bus on time, for a bus journey thats meant to take 10 minutes.

But sometimes life gets in the way, you know, you meet people at certain times after you have finished work and they have finished work. And as I also said, my bus service at night is once an hour, am I supposed to go out 2 hours early just incase the next one doesnt show?

I dont know anyone who would think that was appropriate.

DUTR

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

I see what you're saying, but if a person can be on time for something they need to be on time for, then they can obviously do it, they can obviously be punctual when it suits. So why not do that all of the time?

5-10 minutes here or there, fair enough. Maybe even 15 mins (with a good reason) but any longer is taking the P in my opinion. If you have more open ended time options such as anytime between 1400 and say 1430 then that's fine, because it's agreed in advance. But if it's agreed that you'll meet at 1400, then both parties should be punctual.

It's just part of people's character, it doesn't make one right and the other wrong IMO, although I do feel where an event is not time critical, the expectation to be punctual is bordering on bullying, let people be.

jaylee3

DUTR wrote: »

It's just part of people's character, it doesn't make one right and the other wrong IMO, although I do feel where an event is not time critical, the expectation to be punctual is bordering on bullying, let people be.

You have absolutely GOT to be kidding?

That is by a country mile, the most ridiculous comment on here. I can only assume that you're putting this for a joke. There is no WAY you can be serious!

If people are going to put such comments, that are frankly bordering on the ludicrous, and are massively insulting to anyone who actually HAS been bullied, I literally cannot debate with such people.

I'm outta here.

The debate has gotten plain stupid now. Wanting people to be on time is 'bullying.' Good grief!