Is it unreasonable to expect someone to turn up on time?

missbiggles1

notanewuser wrote: »

I should stress that I'm only late around 60% of the time and never more than 10 mins.

I do think that many people here are trying to twist the argument to back up their views, hence the suggestion of eating at 10 (when invited for 7) and keeping people waiting for 2/3 hours.

missbiggles1

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

I like my food to be freshly cooked, and of course you would expect that in a fine dining restaurant. However, most restaurants manage to get their food out without too long a wait as they realise that they are providing a service, and it isn't polite to keep your customers waiting.

Any longer than half an hour and I'd get impatient and start to wonder what the hold up was.

I'd certainly be a bit peeved if I hadn't had a drink and had my order taken within half an hour, I just don't really see how you can spend time looking at the menu and discussing choices, as well as everything else and still expect your first course on the table in half an hour.

If that happens, and the other courses come as quickly, you'll get though the meal in about an hour, which is hardly what you want on an evening out or even a leisurely lunch.

Pollycat

missbiggles1 wrote: »

I do think that many people here are trying to twist the argument to back up their views, hence the suggestion of eating at 10 (when invited for 7) and keeping people waiting for 2/3 hours.

I do think a lot of people have gone off-topic. :cool:
The OP was venting about someone giving her a lift being often 15 minutes late.
Not hours late.
And not late meeting people in pubs, restaurants or going to their homes for meals.

I personally make every effort to be on time.
If I'm going to be late ( and that would only be as a result of something out of my control, such as a bus not turning up or being very late, not because of my poor time keeping or planning), I'd contact the person I was meeting to explain and apologise.

For example, I'm meeting my sister in town today.
I've chosen to catch a bus that gets me in 30
minutes early, although there are 2 later buses that probably would get me in on time. But I'm not prepared to risk it.
Maybe it makes a difference if you have more time on your hands.

If I was waiting for someone to pick me up - as the OP is - I would either put up with lateness, have a calm discussion with the person to try to get to the bottom of why they are consistently late or make alternative arrangements to get where I wanted or needed to be.

lostinrates

If some one is driving to collect some one and is delayed en route, ( on topic) calling to inform them would often put them on the wrong side of the law, ( and safety) using a mobile while driving.

aileth

10-15 minutes I'd expect, but with an apology and reason when they arrived.

I'm very, very strict about my time-keeping. I will wait in the car etc if I'm early so I turn up exactly on time.

The last episode of poor manners re time-keeping was when we went out for a meal with friends, which was timed for 7.30. We got into the restaurant at 7.28, sat at the table. Friends finally winged up 30 minutes late with no communication in the mean time, no apology, and when we inquired it was because one of them couldn't decide what to wear. This is the second time in six months this has happened, the first being with MIL, when she was 20-25 minutes late with no apology, no communication in the mean time.

I'm starting to think we only get invited as they know we will be there early to 'hold' the table and sit around like lemons, so that they can relax knowing there's no rush and fanny about at home.

I used to have a friend who was consistently two hours late. Needless to say, she is not my friend anymore.

A lot of people with poor time-keeping skills probably don't mean to be rude or disrespectful, but the simple fact is that IT IS rude and disrespectful. If he knows he's 15-20 minutes late each time, then he should know to set off 15-20 minutes earlier, especially as it seems to be a well-known and well-traversed route.

I'd probably bring it up casually, say if his excuse was traffic, "Traffic again?" "Yeah it always gets me." "How come you don't set off earlier?" "*Insert reason or none to give*"

seven-day-weekend

^^Wish I could thank that post more than once.

purpleshoes_2

I live in an area where the buses can often be problematic and theres only one that goes directly past my home and that is every 20 mins. Ive seen me waiting 40 mins at a bus stop sometimes. Its not just a matter of being rude and disrespectful, sometimes you are at the mercy of awful public transport, if you go out earlier you can still be late. The only person I meet in my home town tends to be my mum and she knows what its like, she lives 2 miles away but has much better choices re buses. I would apologise to someone if I were late and I would keep in touch, but I think sometimes there has to be a bit of come and go if you are dealing with people who dont drive. (Im not talking about meeting anyone in my home town, Im talking about further afield). Ive been on buses that have broken down (and trains), ones that have turned up late or not at all. Its not always a person's timekeeping that is the issues, sometimes its circumstances beyond their control.

When I go out in the nearest city to me I will often get the last express bus in and go and see a film just so that I know there wont be any issues, but its much harder to do locally, because sometimes buses are on time and sometimes they are so not on time its unbelievable.

I was going to a gym 3 miles away a couple of sundays ago. I was at the bus stop at 9.25am, nothing turned up, bus came at quarter to ten but terminated in the town I live in (and that never happens) so I ended up getting the later express bus at ten past ten that I would normally get, spent 30 mins waiting at a bus stop for nothing that morning. Certain things you cant plan for no matter how you try.

I know the OP's issue is with someone who does drive, but if someone was consistently late, Id find another way to get to where I was going.

purpleshoes_2

Having read further, this is the same guy who the OP was concerned about a few months back? Im also astonished that shes getting a lift will him full stop given how uncomfortable she felt around him at that time.

Get a lift with someone else or find alternative ways of getting there I think.

moomoomama27

I think perhaps often the problem, at least for me, is lack of communication. That's the part I would find the rudest.

My mother is terrible for always being late, like others we always tell her to arrive a good 30 minutes before the actual departure time even then you can never be sure. She does think the planet revolves around her though, and if you ever dare question her lateness, she turns it back on you and becomes defensive, hence why the 30 minutes has turned into 60 minutes now!

I am a very organised person, so always arrive a bit early. If I'm ever late which happens about 1% of the time. I always let the person know!

Peter333

Person_one wrote: »

I suppose punctuality probably seems less important if you're the one merrily arriving when you please than if you're the one always waiting alone in a cafe/bar, or trying to hold onto a table on your own, or pacing up and down or twiddling your thumbs!

I don't stress over people being 10 or 15 minutes late, that's life and it happens, but it would irk me if I knew they ad no intention of even trying to be on time.

This ^^^ :T

There is no moral superiority going on as 'missbiggles' claims. I think a lot of people have been at the mercy of people who are always late and do not care, and so they have little tolerance for it. And frankly, it IS horribly disrespectful to be late all the time. It shows you don't give a rats about other peoples feelings imo.

Re purple shoes; I am a bit baffled about someone saying that they are at the mercy of public transport, as surely you would find out the times and make sure you get there early? I could understand it the first time you go, but surely you would find out the train or bus times? What, do you just leave the house and hope for the best?!

Being late once or twice is acceptable, but if a person thinks it's OK to turn up late constantly; that shows disrespect and arrogance imo, like they think they are soooo important, and that people jolly well WILL wait for them.

A person would do it a maximum of 3 times to me, and then they would not get invited again. Simple as that. I just have no time for people who are that rude and disrespectful and frankly, arrogant.

And then to have the temerity to blame the people who are annoyed by their lateness, and label them as 'intolerant!' It just beggars belief! Do people with this attitude think it's OK to get to work 20-30 minutes late too? Do they turn up for hospital and doctors and dentist appointments 20-30 minutes late too?

Would they turn up 20-30 minutes late for an interview for a job, or a passport, or their hairdresser or for an appointment with their solicitor and so forth??? Probably not; so why do they think it's OK to do this to friends over and over again? IMO, it IS because they think their time is more important, and probably because they think THEY are more important.

With the attitude of certain people on here, I would be amazed if they can hold down a job and if they have any friends.

By the way, nobody mentioned anyone being 2-3 hours late; they said that they wouldn't want their meal 2-3 hours after getting to someone's house.