Want (?need) to change everything...

befuddled000

I apologise in advance that I'm using an AE and if this gets long winded. I'll try to be brief.

Basically, I am incredibly sad and at a loss as to what to do. I'm a single mum to 2 children, I live in a rental property I can barely afford (ok I can't afford it) but have only been here 11 months. I work part time, from home.

I am sort of seeing someone, and have been for 5 months but he recently got promoted so I hardly see him anymore. I am quietly afraid he will basically tell me to jog on any day now. He's a good man, but has no time for me.

I've realised my "friends" are lovely but generally just made through school. With my kids moving school next term, I won't see them anymore.

I have no childcare options. School time is only free time.

I'm bored, and lonely, and I don't know what to do. I want to move, or get a new job, or something. I don't know. I'm scared I'll make bug changes and it'll all still be there.

I'm so sorry for the indulgent post. I'm just incredibly low right now.

BrassicWoman

Aw hon, I'm sorry you are feeling so down!

As the kids get older you have more freedom and can start thinking about what career you want when they are older. Have you studied before at all?

Are there any groups at the school you could get involved with to meet other mums?

If you are feeling depressed a visit to the GP may help. There's been times pills and counselling has really helped me.

xx

mountainofdebt

I've often said no-one deliberately makes bad choices, just the best choice given the information to hand when we (have to) make those choices.

why do you think you and your beau will split up - isn't that sort of self defeating?

befuddled000

BrassicWoman wrote: »

Aw hon, I'm sorry you are feeling so down!

As the kids get older you have more freedom and can start thinking about what career you want when they are older. Have you studied before at all?

Are there any groups at the school you could get involved with to meet other mums?

If you are feeling depressed a visit to the GP may help. There's been times pills and counselling has really helped me.

xx

Thank you so much for replying.

I am currently doing a degree with the OU, as I thought I ought to formalise my experience. I do have some qualifications, but I have no idea how I'd work when it is literally just me and the kids.

There's nothing really at the schools (one going to secondary, one starting primary)

I'm really hoping I don't have to go down the GP route- I just want to snap out of it. I've only really felt this way for about 10 days. I had post natal depression, and I don't feel the same despair as then. Just I dunno. Sad and lost.

befuddled000

mountainofdebt wrote: »

I've often said no-one deliberately makes bad choices, just the best choice given the information to hand when we (have to) make those choices.

why do you think you and your beau will split up - isn't that sort of self defeating?

He has, by his own admission, withdrawn somewhat emotionally from me. In his words, this situation is "not from a lack of want, simply a lack of ability". I just think he has so much on, and so sorted out, that there isn't a place for me. He is incredibly supportive and attentive by message, but I am not really high on his radar of priorities.

meritaten

this is difficult - but first of all are you claiming ALL the benefits you are entitled to? if you cant afford your rent then perhaps you aren't claiming enough? there is a 'benefits checker' on here, it may be worth you inputting your circumstances on it?

working from home - are you making enough per hour versus working in the outside world?

I don't want to comment on your BF - except that if you feel he hasn't got time for you - why stay with him?

BrassicWoman

I spent a year resisting my GP as I felt it showed weakness. Turns out I was wrong and I felt better within 6 weeks and the whole thing got easier, then I could tackle some root causes. I needed a hand to get there.

Plenty working mums around. Great about the study - do you have online study buddies/ use their virtual student union? Bet there's plenty single mothers on there too!

Having a b/f I found is not as important as it used to be when I was in my 20s. Being happy to be me becomes more important as I age. If he's fun to be with once in a while, great - that's not a bad place to be!

When both kids are in school, work will have more options. Bit of a waiting game I am afraid.

befuddled000

meritaten wrote: »

this is difficult - but first of all are you claiming ALL the benefits you are entitled to? if you cant afford your rent then perhaps you aren't claiming enough? there is a 'benefits checker' on here, it may be worth you inputting your circumstances on it?

working from home - are you making enough per hour versus working in the outside world?

I don't want to comment on your BF - except that if you feel he hasn't got time for you - why stay with him?

Thank you. Yes, I am claiming all I can. Downturn in business means a source of income has gone, but I am claiming max LHA etc, so no wiggle room. A little debt to be serviced, manageable, but still on my mind.

Working in the outside world-I have no idea how to do that with young children and no network. I cannot seem to find a job that has hours that I can do school runs etc with.

With regards to man-we've agreed to see what happens. We get on tremendously well and were friends first, and there is good potential. But I don't know if that's enough. I'd hope so, but terrified of getting hurt.

I'm so sorry if I sound like I'm dismissing your comments or just saying no no no. It's not that at all, and I do appreciate you taking the time to post.

befuddled000

BrassicWoman wrote: »

I spent a year resisting my GP as I felt it showed weakness. Turns out I was wrong and I felt better within 6 weeks and the whole thing got easier, then I could tackle some root causes. I needed a hand to get there.

Plenty working mums around. Great about the study - do you have online study buddies/ use their virtual student union? Bet there's plenty single mothers on there too!

Having a b/f I found is not as important as it used to be when I was in my 20s. Being happy to be me becomes more important as I age. If he's fun to be with once in a while, great - that's not a bad place to be!

When both kids are in school, work will have more options. Bit of a waiting game I am afraid.

Online support is great, and has really helped in stressy study times, but doesn't seem to be working the magic right now

Believe it or not, despite sounding about 13, I am in my mid 30s. I spent 4 years just the children and I before I started dating again, and I was patient and knew I had to just dedicate myself to them, which I did. But now, I just feel isolated and oddly like I'm grieving. I just don't know what for.

BrassicWoman

postperson, 9:30 - 3pm most areas :-) There'll be others, that's just one I saw advertised lately. Bet it gets you fit too!

BrassicWoman

befuddled000 wrote: »

Believe it or not, despite sounding about 13, I am in my mid 30s. I spent 4 years just the children and I before I started dating again, and I was patient and knew I had to just dedicate myself to them, which I did. But now, I just feel isolated and oddly like I'm grieving. I just don't know what for.

No, I get it. Sometimes I am sad for the loss of the invincibility I felt in my teens and the fact I have not yet conquered the world!