Life begins again at 45

Karmacat

Miss Gumdrops :rotfl: thats very sweet.

Lucy Worsley's take on history fascinates me, it's just slightly out there, and I love the way she does the dressing up thing, a bloke would look like he was trying to be macho, but she just looks like she's trying to see what it was like to walk in their shoes, literally as well as metaphorically

Bubblesmum

Woke up with still the freight train feeling. So another slow start.

My day consisted off, sitting in front of my lap top, writing, and sorting my CPD.

My massage therapist came and it was a very painful massage, especially my lower back . We talked tango, death and weird films!) Plus diets, he weighted me 11stone 8lbs. So now I have a focus....

Caught up with The Archers, rather dismal storylines at the moment. But I do love Linda, and I know the actress in real life ( not well, she goes to my church). I was going to add I admire her, her OH is rather poorly at home, but beyond retirement age, she continues to travel to Birmingham to work.

Just listening to Woman Hour, more welfare reforms, re third child benefit withdrawal, Government saying its compassionate as including exceptions. So sad that we are a country, that means a woman has got to prove she has been raped to get this allowance. Is it compassionate to label a child born as a result of rape.

Felt better after a cut and blow dry, then onto inlaws to go out too dinner, somehow over dinner I agreed to cat sit, while they are on their summer holiday. :eek:. Actually I don't mind and its quite an achievement as they guard their privacy and in a decade we have visited rarely!

Another personal NSD so :T

Bubblesmum

Karmacat wrote: »

Miss Gumdrops :rotfl: thats very sweet.

Lucy Worsley's take on history fascinates me, it's just slightly out there, and I love the way she does the dressing up thing, a bloke would look like he was trying to be macho, but she just looks like she's trying to see what it was like to walk in their shoes, literally as well as metaphorically

Well Miss Gumdrops official name is Gertie - Gertrude when she is in trouble... which I have to say is a lot of the time ! OH nicknamed her Gumdrops after "Goody goody gumdrops" she is rarely good unless she is asleep :rotfl::rotfl:

I love Lucy's red coat with the fur collar, I smiled at your remark about dressing up, with a friend this lunch time who thinks all the dressing up is silliness. I felt sad, as I feel she is someone who struggles to have fun, and isn't as tolerant of others. I think she brings history to life and brings it to a different audience. watched the India one last night I loved her clothes and umbrella

Bubblesmum

Afternoon dear friends.

I am feeling rather chuffed with myself, as we have eaten out of stores this week, and so have kept our spending to the minimum. Even last night I craved take away fish and chips, but OH made a delicious hake hash. :j

Means we have left over housekeeping money to pay off some more debts :T.

I am currently budgeting weekly, transferring a set amount from our main current account to a separate HK one, which means i can really keep a close eye on our spending.

I was debating going into the village to get an ordered library book, but in the end stayed in.

So avoided spending anything, another personal NSD :T

Each week, I have a small amount transfered from joint account to personal spending, when we went to a posh restaurant last June for our wedding anniversary, I reduced it by £10 to pay my half off. That was completed last week, so now I am aiming at another joint holiday cost sitting on the credit card. Ironically at 17 weeks, it will take me to our wedding anniversary again. Every little helps and i hope OH sees it as a gesture as well.

Not much to report from yesterday, spent most of the afternoon trying to sort the Amateur Dramatics petty cash after production week. I was out by £20. Just couldn't find it, I knew I was tired. So decided to leave be, low and beyond today I reread a note to myself and there it was! Happy Bunny.

Bubblesmum

Dear friends

Where has the sun gone today, its dreary and overcast here. I am typing this to the sound of the power wash, our gardener doing part 2 of our brickwork paving. Really relieved as it was very slimy out there and skidded a couple of times.

So Saturday was not a personal NSD, I went to my embroidery teachers book launch at the local walled garden. I had budgeted for a coffee, teacake and book £25 and I kept to it, despite other tempting craft items that she had :T. The book was also a paperback, so cost less than her original hardback. I saw lots of my sewing friends and had a lovely morning catching up. There is something about friends who know me now, I used my wheelchair and those who have known me years, I don't have to live up to expectations.

A brief few hours at home, then we went to eat at a pub close to my Dad, slight hitch when we arrived. The table they had reserved for us, was one of these high stool affairs, none of us could cope with that and the pub was full with families. Dad treated us :T

Sunday was a quite day apart from church and I had to eat humble pie, having voiced in a very grumpy way that a key I needed had gone missing, I found it later in a coat pocket .

Still eating out the freezer.. M@rks beef wellington from the Valentines offer, meat was nice, but so disappointed re the puff pastry lattice, soggy bottom dry and flaky on top. Requested OH to try as his pastry is divine.

Sat and crafted or read most of the afternoon and evening. We were too late to bed.

Bubblesmum

The sun is trying to burst through the clouds......

Yesterday, was tad busy, was feeling it being up late the night before, however my pilates teacher had returned, and although as he said I was trying to wriggle out of going. He would not let me off the hook his end.

I am glad I went, we moved for the whole 50 minutes, stretching. Probably why I am feeling it today!

An emergency text the day before asking me to look after Mr Borrow My Doggy, so I detoured to get him, he was so pleased to see me, he has the most adorable face, and it does cheer you up, a lovely day yesterday, we had a good walk along the Thames Path.

Home to two grumpy cats :rotfl:. Stopped to do a body scan mindfulness and fell asleep in the middle of it!

Finished the amateur dramatic accounts while OH got our tea, cold meats and fried potatoes - always a winner with me.

OH drove me to the Arts Centre, I used my wheelchair last night, made life a lot easier in terms of fatigue and tiredness but not access but thats another story.

Home to cuddles with cats.... The light went off with Gaston sitting on my chest all nearly 8 kilos of him. Definitely protesting...

A little reflection of why my fatigue levels are high today:

Two late nights in a row
Back to Pilates after a months hiatus
Driving 1 3/4 hours
Having Mr borrow My Doggy
Treasurers than props role last night

A very full day!

beanielou

I did seated yoga yesterday~~twas fab.

Bubblesmum

beanielou wrote: »

I did seated yoga yesterday~~twas fab.

That sounds so interesting ... need to google it to see if its an option near me.

Hope that you are feeling a tad better, I do find meditation helps my pain. https://www.breathworks.org.uk is interesting

Bubblesmum

Catching up... definitely a blur day, after all the activities of the day before

The cleaner arrived and I was just awake and still in bed! Luckly OH working from home so could be the awake person to say hello...

Sat in front of lap top in a very comatosed state but did manage Monday's catch-up on here, my 750 words and budgeting.

By pay day on Friday, we would have paid off all this months debt on the CC by tight budgeting and watching what we spent ( rather me watching rather than OH):T

So the next week, will be more tight budgeting, aiming again not to leave anything on the CC for March and to target the December overspend!

Another Borrow My Doggy day - OH gave me a picnic lunch. We came back and tried to do some mindfulness and fell asleep ( I never sleep in the day!)

OH was very nice to me and took Mr BMD home for me.

Supper was Salmon from freezer, rocket from veg box and some creme fraiche - all we needed was the CF so we are using whats in stores.

Ended with a quiet evening and in bed by 9.55pm. Had knitted in font of TV.

Finished Maisie Hobbs by Jacqueline Winspear. Fabulous book, a Miss Marple type adventure based just after WW1 but alasbacks to that time. I have 3 & 4 on my shelf so borrowed from library, to read in order, and then aim to minimise 3 & 4!

I was suppose to go out last night... I am going to write a separate post as having felt very low about it, I have changed my perspective and need to record it...

Bubblesmum

On Tuesday night I was due to go out with 4 friends, two of which I have known for more than 25 years, the other two wives of husbands I have known for similar length.

Facts

1. I had a chronic fatigue flare up, the likely hood I could cope with the evening was low

2. Our lives have changed over the years, they all have children, and when we get together, once every 6 moths or so the conversation focuses naturally on off spring. I am interested in what they are doing now, but struggle that it is the main focus of conversation

3. Would mean spending money....

One friend had asked to postpone, and as I was so tired, I thought great, I could withdraw gracefully.

Then another friend said why don't we still meet up... I decided to be truthful, and say that my chronic fatigue levels were high, that I would need to use my wheelchair, drive myself the 25 minutes to the venue and I just couldn't manage it.

There was no response.

On Tuesday, I went to bed with the feeling of rejection, an image from childhood, and sadness. One of those woman, would classify herself as one of my closest friends.

When I woke up yesterday, still with these feelings at the pit of my stomach. I decided this wouldn't do me any good and I needed to change my perspective

I wrote in my 750 word diary the following: after reading this tweet that just brought a tear to my eye, the emotion is a big lump in my chest. "We all support you, care for you, and are thinking of you". It's a general tweet from an M.E chronic Fatigue account.

This is emotional for me today, as this was what I needed to hear as a response to my email yesterday re dinner last night, in actual fact there is silence.

I do feel lonely and islolated at time, with that sadness that nobody finds time to ring me or to see me.

I have though no read a blog http://conqueringfearspiritually.com/CFS/cope-with-losing-friends-diagnosis/. Which has been helpful to think about things in a different way. I need to remember "there is no way on earth they could understand what is happening to me" I need to accept this situation for "what it is" There is "no way they could understand that my life is going to have to change as a result of this illness".

I also need to remember that I cannot control the way people view me and what people think about me. What I do have control over is how I react and how I feel about it. Acceptance rather than keep fighting.

Friends and people will drift in and out of my life but that doesn't mean you are devoid of friends forever. New people will come into my life when I least expect it and they'll be exactly what I need.

I need to stop clutching on to how things were or how things could have been. I need to loosen my grip with love and let love find you.

I then found another blog about Seasons of friendships - http://stratejoy.com/2010/09/friendship-reason-season-lif/

"People come into our lives for a reason, a season, or life. I think that is such a lovely way to say “Hey, you know, I’ve loved our time together, but we are two individual people, and we must move on our own individual paths.” I like to have this feeling of okayness.

"There is a lot of people in this world - its just impossible to consider everyone a lifelong friend".

I write this today, not to moan about my girlfriends or feel sorry for myself, but to move forward in my journey.

These friends may or may not remain in my life, thats Ok. I am on a different path now, it was lovely to be invited but that doesn't mean that I have to be miserable that I have made different choices about how I manage my life.

I am not alone, I have other friends new and old.

That I need to be thankful about close friendships in the past, but they do not have to be forever, and if we are on different paths, thats OK, time to focus on the future not on the past.

I went on to have a very positive day... see next post.