Brother's Girlfriend Moving In

pollyanna24

Confusedandneedhelp wrote: »

Yes he will benefit from it, but why shouldnt he. Why the mentality that because they are two adults who work, they need to pay more. Whilst the OP who is one adult who works part time should get more?

Why can there be no happiness for success? Well done OP's brother, you have a nice life ahead. Good for you.

Instead - OMG his life is nicer than the OPs and therefore the OP should be compensated.

Who said this bit?

I must admit I do think you are being overly harsh on me.

I asked a question (because my brother brought it up) and all you have done is nit pick at me!

Confusedandneedhelp

snowleopard61 wrote: »

I don't accept that the OP's children are in the same category as an adult with an income (and in the girlfriend's case, a rental income over and above her income from working).

So itd be different if she wasnt working?
So we are punishing success?

The OP's children use heat, light, water, food, facilties, space, room, time - presumebly the OP doesnt keep them in a cage.

So as i said, the GF is successful and should subsidise the OP who struggles? Why?

Confusedandneedhelp

pollyanna24 wrote: »

Who said this bit?

Paraphrasing the argument.

I actually dont agree that its better, as you have two kids, and kids are great.

snowleopard61

Confusedandneedhelp wrote: »

So itd be different if she wasnt working?
So we are punishing success?

The OP's children use heat, light, water, food, facilties, space, room, time - presumebly the OP doesnt keep them in a cage.

So as i said, the GF is successful and should subsidise the OP who struggles? Why?

Not ducking out of this, but I genuinely have to sign off now! I may come back.

pollyanna24

Confusedandneedhelp wrote: »

So itd be different if she wasnt working?
So we are punishing success?

The OP's children use heat, light, water, food, facilties, space, room, time - presumebly the OP doesnt keep them in a cage.

So as i said, the GF is successful and should subsidise the OP who struggles? Why?

Again, who said that she is successful? She has a job, as do I. Am I successful?!

And I don't think paying your way for what you use is subsidising me, sorry.

Confusedandneedhelp

pollyanna24 wrote: »

Who said this bit?

I must admit I do think you are being overly harsh on me.

I asked a question (because my brother brought it up) and all you have done is nit pick at me!

OK some positives:

You are no doubt a good mum, you seem to put your kids first and maintain a nice house for them and planning for a nice future
You have looked after your brother for a number of years, in a traditional housewife style as well as a (older im guessing) sister
You have a reasonable concern about your brother's future

just a summary of my thoughts regarding your situation (i might be way way way off):
I think you are used to having a house with just your brother, where you are perhaps 'the boss'
You are used to your brother listening to you (as i guess the older sibling)
You are possibly concerned how your kids will react to a new person in the house
You are also concerned that this fiancee will take your brother away, that perhaps on some level he has replaced your ex as 'the man' in your and your kids lives.

Now like i said i could be way off, but some comments you have made have stood out as suggesting this kind of relationship, with you as the (?older) sibling both protecting him and relying on him at the same time.


I think it's fantastic that your brother has helped you out, and no doubt you have a symbiotic relationship which works for you, that is starting to change. But the GF/Fiancee is not really to do with you (what she does, what she earns etc) if she wants to pay your brothers full mortgage, it is up to him and her. But you have had a good deal so far (im not saying he hasnt) - but by hiding (even in plain sight) your two kids you have alienated some views of the situation

Confusedandneedhelp

pollyanna24 wrote: »

Again, who said that she is successful? She has a job, as do I. Am I successful?!

And I don't think paying your way for what you use is subsidising me, sorry.

You have a house, 2 kids and a job. - yes you're successful

She has a partner, a flat and a job, so is she.

As i have said, if she wants to pay your brother for what she uses, that's aboslutely great for them. But since your brother is subsidising you already (which he is if he pays 1/2 in a 3/1 person split) then you really have no case against her.

pollyanna24

Confusedandneedhelp wrote: »

OK some positives:

You are no doubt a good mum, you seem to put your kids first and maintain a nice house for them and planning for a nice future
You have looked after your brother for a number of years, in a traditional housewife style as well as a (older im guessing) sister
You have a reasonable concern about your brother's future

just a summary of my thoughts regarding your situation (i might be way way way off):
I think you are used to having a house with just your brother, where you are perhaps 'the boss'
You are used to your brother listening to you (as i guess the older sibling)
You are possibly concerned how your kids will react to a new person in the house
You are also concerned that this fiancee will take your brother away, that perhaps on some level he has replaced your ex as 'the man' in your and your kids lives.

Now like i said i could be way off, but some comments you have made have stood out as suggesting this kind of relationship, with you as the (?older) sibling both protecting him and relying on him at the same time.


I think it's fantastic that your brother has helped you out, and no doubt you have a symbiotic relationship which works for you, that is starting to change. But the GF/Fiancee is not really to do with you (what she does, what she earns etc) if she wants to pay your brothers full mortgage, it is up to him and her. But you have had a good deal so far (im not saying he hasnt) - but by hiding (even in plain sight) your two kids you have alienated some views of the situation

He's three years older than me.

And no I certainly don't think of my brother in the terms you are suggesting. We don't see each other much.

Confusedandneedhelp

pollyanna24 wrote: »

He's three years older than me.

And no I certainly don't think of my brother in the terms you are suggesting. We don't see each other much.

Fair enough, was an educated guess as you suggested you had moved out and had children (8 years ago), whilst he remained at home with your parents (until 3 years ago).

CKgeordieinlondon

I'm starting to wonder what sort of family relationships some of the people contributing have.

Some families help each other out in all sorts of ways. It's unlkely to be equal but it does not mean one is exploiting the other. Its just what (some) families do.

OP I would just see what figure they come up with and just make sure you're not worse off. If you end up better off put it in savings and spend it on frivolities of your choice.

Hope it works out for all of you.