Help to patch things up!

rachy182

I think everyone is being a bit harsh on the girlfriend. I doubt the girlfriend cares about how the child was conceived but she feels as though she was lied to. She might have thought you had a close relationship and were a friend so would have been told the truth. Ive distanced myself from people before not because Ive disagreed with what they were doing but that they lied to me so i never really trusted them again.

Calien

Like I said, had nothing developed between myself and the donor, they would have been told that's how I conceived, but by the time she and my brother actually met him we were dating.

Whilst she and I got on quite well we never discussed much of my relationship or anything else really.

Bella73

rachy182 wrote: »

I think everyone is being a bit harsh on the girlfriend. I doubt the girlfriend cares about how the child was conceived but she feels as though she was lied to. She might have thought you had a close relationship and were a friend so would have been told the truth. Ive distanced myself from people before not because Ive disagreed with what they were doing but that they lied to me so i never really trusted them again.

Oh please! So what was she meant to do? Hi "brother and girlfriend" this is Mark my sperm donor so I will hopefully have a baby...would you like us to tell you exactly how we conceive, perhaps you would like to be there and watch.

The girlfriend needs to get over herself or is she going to put her conception should it happen on u tube as wouldn't want anyone to miss out of the really intimate and personal parts of her life:eek:

I'm sorry but it really is none of the girlfriends business and even if they are best friends I don't discuss my sex life with my best friends it's none of their business at all and I have never felt the need to know theirs either.

Personally I would never have told anyone my child was by donor and I think the family as a whole should feel quite privileged to be part of it.

How the child was conceived is irrelevant, there is a little girl in the mix who is going to get hurt because an adult cannot behave in the manner in which they should.

Buzzybee90

I'm a bit confused, how did they think the child had been conceived?

coolcait

From what the OP says, her brother's GF feels that she has been lied to.

That can be a difficult thing for some people to get over - once they lose trust in another person, it's difficult to get it back.

Separate that point out from all the rest of the, rather confusing, back story and it puts a different complexion on the issue.

Mojisola

Calien wrote: »

I have an almost 6 month old baby girl, my brother and his girlfriend doted on her. When she was four months old they found out I conceived via a donor (they met him numerous times) he and I allowed the lines to blur and formed a sort of relationship, which stopped in March this year. Although we still talk on and off.

They (mostly the girlfriend) feel betrayed by this, which I can understand as I should have told them.

coolcait wrote: »

From what the OP says, her brother's GF feels that she has been lied to.

That can be a difficult thing for some people to get over - once they lose trust in another person, it's difficult to get it back.

"Feels she's been lied to" but she hasn't.

Calien and the child's father were in a relationship. It's none of the brother's GF's business how they met.

coolcait

Bella73 wrote: »

Oh please! So what was she meant to do? Hi "brother and girlfriend" this is Mark my sperm donor so I will hopefully have a baby...would you like us to tell you exactly how we conceive, perhaps you would like to be there and watch.

....

I think that there may be an issue to do with the definition of 'sperm donor'.


Traditionally, the phrase referred to men who donated sperm to a sperm bank, on an anonymous basis. Women who wanted to conceive via artificial insemination by donor might get some basic details about the donor (height, eye colour, hair colour etc), but they wouldn't get to know who the man was - much less date him.


From the OP's description, it appears that nowadays there are websites where women can meet men who are happy to donate their sperm directly to the woman - without any kind of artificial interventions.


There is a lot of scope for misunderstanding in there. Not to mention scope for concern about the OP's health - and possibly the baby's health.

Calien

Well she needs to get over it. My brother is mostly ok after the initial "huh?" of it all and my dad has absolutely no issues with me or how I met donor-dad but she does. If my own family don't care, I don't know why someone I only know through her dating my brother would.

To show how things have gone with her; she got on great with my dad, always had a laugh and good, long chats, but because he said he doesn't care how his granddaughter came to be, she doesn't speak to him any more.

coolcait

Calien wrote: »

...
She upset mostly it seems because she thinks I wove some elaborate lie. ..QUOTE]

Mojisola wrote: »

"Feels she's been lied to" but she hasn't.

....

For the sake of clarity, I have quoted the post where Calien explained that the root cause of the GF's upset appears to be that she feels/thinks that Calien lied to her.


That point does appear to have been overlooked.


If Calien believes that she did not lie to anyone, then perhaps that is the point which she should be making to her family, and/or the GF, rather than whether or not she should apologise.


After all, if there were no lies, there are no grounds for an apology.

Calien

coolcait wrote: »

I think that there may be an issue to do with the definition of 'sperm donor'.


Traditionally, the phrase referred to men who donated sperm to a sperm bank, on an anonymous basis. Women who wanted to conceive via artificial insemination by donor might get some basic details about the donor (height, eye colour, hair colour etc), but they wouldn't get to know who the man was - much less date him.


From the OP's description, it appears that nowadays there are websites where women can meet men who are happy to donate their sperm directly to the woman - without any kind of artificial interventions.


There is a lot of scope for misunderstanding in there. Not to mention scope for concern about the OP's health - and possibly the baby's health.

Actually most sites are AI, and I made sure he had been tested for STD's before hand, as well as finding out any family history of illnesses. This was all in the initial days of simply communicating via e-mail and text. None of that though would be of any concern to the girlfriend, much less her business, I knew more about him than I would have known had I got pregnant by a one night stand.

Yes things between him and I took a very different turn than how it was supposed to and it's not normally what happens, neither of us regret it though and are still in contact.