Acceptable or not?

sillyme673

Unacceptable, full stop. I would be making plans to leave him or him to leave. Nobody should be spoken too like that. Take care.

fivetide

Before you do pack your bags as several have advised, what is the rest of the relationship like? Is there something stressing him out? What is happening with his work?


You said he has got more irritable lately and while it isn't acceptable to take it out on you, he might be struggling to sort it out especially if you know he has issues in that department.


Worth finding that out first I think.

Buzzybee90

If they're the sort of person that swears a lot then saying the c word probably isn't meant to be as offensive as if someone who never swears says it. Though I hear it on the streets, actually was on TV last night!

BucksLady

It isn't kind and he should never have treated you in this way. I would tell him that he's making you so unhappy and then if he doesn't respond in a caring and loving way, seriously think about leaving him. You have a right to be happy .

sanctuary43

Thanks for everyone’s replies so far, I’ve really appreciated it.

Seems like I am not the only one that finds it unacceptable then! The C word is really offensive to me personally. When it’s said in a jokey way, I can laugh along with the rest of them, but when it’s directed at you in a nasty way, I find it extremely hurtful.

Morglin – that really struck me what you wrote – what’s said cannot be unsaid – that’s exactly how it feels, like it’s scarred the relationship.

His missus – there’s nothing recently that’s changed that would account for the behaviour, although he reacts quite badly to smaller forms of stress, eg. he is busy at work because he is going on holiday on Thursday. The first time he called me a c*nt was about a year ago. I told him to get out of the house. He said that he didn’t mean I was one, but the “situation was a c*nt”! Pathetic really. My biggest regret wasn’t raising merry hell the next time he said it, and this time it was indeed for me, and made no secret about that!

What is so hurtful is the fact he KNOWS I find it offensive, he KNOWS I have told him I never want to be called any name. So why does he do it?

Thanks everyone for directing me to the women’s aid info. It makes me sad, as I don’t see myself as suffering from abuse, and yet I can tick some of the boxes on the list.

Also thanks to those who gave advice from the ADHD perspective. I had assumed that the anger and not handling certain situations were a part of that. So many things I’ve put up with, or put to the back of my mind because I try to be the understanding wife of a sufferer of ADHD.

And for everyone that is asking about the water in the iron – I have no idea why apparently I am responsible for it being refilled! Hubby is apparently helpless in the iron department that he cannot figure out how to hold the iron hole under the tap!

I am at home now. Hubby works in the same organisation so had to drive back with him. He said hello, I didn’t look at him but said hi and sat in the car in silence. I’m sitting in another room, can’t bear to be around him at the moment. I would like him to say sorry but I want a proper conversation about how things need to be fixed, or I call time on the marriage. Something I actually don’t want to do as a) I love him, b) it’s my 2nd marriage and don’t want this one to fail and c) I don’t know if I have the strength to go through another divorce …

moomoomama27

If my husband ever called me the C word he'd be out on his ear! Sorry but those kinds of names over such small stresses are definitely unacceptable!

Person_one

sanctuary43 wrote: »

Something I actually don’t want to do as a) I love him, b) it’s my 2nd marriage and don’t want this one to fail and c) I don’t know if I have the strength to go through another divorce …

Please don't let B be the reason you stay. You'd still have a failed marriage you'd just be stuck within it rather than starting afresh out of it.

purpleshoes_2

Totally unacceptable. No excuses because he has ADHD. Its abuse. Even if you don't feel that it is, it is. How you deal with it is up to you, but Id seriously be considering ending the relationship before you end up his emotional punchbag and you get so ground down you have no self esteem and no strength to do anything about the situation.

itsanne

Very loud alarm bells ringing here.

Aside from expecting you to fill the iron, the actual words used and the manner of their use, you would not be left not wanting to go home if things were okay.

So no, it's not acceptable at all.

tizerbelle

sanctuary43 wrote: »

What is so hurtful is the fact he KNOWS I find it offensive, he KNOWS I have told him I never want to be called any name. So why does he do it?

Because you have proven by your past actions/inaction that there are no consequences for him making you feel this way.

sanctuary43 wrote: »

Something I actually don’t want to do as a) I love him, b) it’s my 2nd marriage and don’t want this one to fail and c) I don’t know if I have the strength to go through another divorce …

None of these are reasons not to walk away (I'm not saying you should, just that they aren't valid reasons to stay).
a) Can you really continue loving someone who does not respect you and your emotional wellbeing?
b) So what, better alone and not subject to abuse than tied to someone who doesn't respect you
c) If you need to, you'll find the strength - there isn't a finite amount