I've never had a problem with my MIL but...

choccybuttons

Do we have the same mil? We were the same sort of situation and had to get married quickly as it was an overseas posting. Luckily we had 6 months notice but we were broke so it was to be a quick registry office affair. Mil was appalled and upset but in a nice way iykwim as she wanted us to have a 'proper wedding'. So next day we got a phone call asking if she could organise a wedding and pay for most of it - you could have knock me over with a feather. Slightly bemused mil organised the whole thing, giving us choices to pick from - she lived on a different Ireland.

I imagine if we had gone with our original plan my mil would be much the same as yours as dh is an only child

emily_jackson

No, you're not overreacting. If she mentions it again, just be honest with her and say "well it was our perfect day"

justme111

securityguy wrote: »

Why should anyone feel the need to say "sorry" to their mother in law for their own wedding?

May be because that someone.has a bit of emphaty ?

justme111

Counterquestion - why would one necessarily see the question about proper wedding as a personal attack and turn defensive ? Even if it was attack why would one want to engage in confrontation with mother of her husband who she is getting on fine with ? Sorry is a magic word , if mum of my husband was upset about something which I thought was fine I would still be sorry that she is upset , why is it so difficult.to understand ?

coolcait

justme111 wrote: »

Counterquestion - why would one necessarily see the question about proper wedding as a personal attack and turn defensive ? Even if it was attack why would one want to engage in confrontation with mother of her husband who she is getting on fine with ? Sorry is a magic word , if mum of my husband was upset about something which I thought was fine I would still be sorry that she is upset , why is it so difficult.to understand ?

Well, the question wasn't about 'proper wedding' - although it is still rather rude to imply that someone's wedding wasn't quite 'proper'.


The question asked was "Shouldn't you be getting married properly first". The OP and her husband are married properly, having wed within the law. So the MIL's question is extraordinarily rude.


That's why I can see why the question would not go down well. Your strictures about "not engaging in confrontation" and "sorry is the magic word" etc might well be directed at the MIL rather than the OP.

justme111

Sure. If we were talking to mil here I would have posted on her thread pointing out why dil may not welcome this suggestion.
We are not though.

pollypenny

MILs, eh?

We have to measure every word, walk on eggs and on a tightrope. Perhaps we'd better be dumb babysitters. :cool:


Actually, I think OPs MIL probably said that comment without thinking, as they not all get on well. Just let it go.

cats2012

I actually think your wedding is super romantic. You really wanted to live together and be together despite your partner's very tough job, so you went and got married to allow that to happen. Plenty of people who hit a challenge like that choose to give up!

I think it's lovely that you've built such a happy life together

meritaten

I don't think you are overreacting. You ARE properly married! you have the certificate, the children and the relationship to prove it! so you didn't have a 'party'?????????? so what?

minerva_windsong

theoretica wrote: »

You could take the opportunity to throw a combined house warming party with a celebration of your wedding. Everyone gets a party and you may get useful gifts?

I was going to suggest something like this - maybe combining it with a vow renewal if moving to the new house falls around your anniversary.


Either way, whether you do that or not should be entirely your choice - don't do it because your mother-in-law thinks you should. You are as properly married as if you'd had a big do, and you're married to the man you love which is the important thing!