I've never had a problem with my MIL but...

kat360

I think I do now! I've been with my OH for 10 years on Wednesday and She's been alright until now.
We got engaged after being together for a year, We started saving and hit a few bumps. OH joined the RAF and I found out I was pregnant. I gave birth before he had finished his training, so I was only seeing him at weekends. Then he got his first posting to Northumberland, My lg was just 5 months old and we couldn't afford the train fare for him to come home every weekend as we were living in the West Midlands.
The only way I could live with him in married quarters was if I married him, so I did. I booked a registry office and planned to move the day after we got married. This didn't go down too well with OH's family as it was on a Friday and we didn't have a party afterwards! They really like a party as he has a really big family. (We actually went home to finish packing!) We used the savings we had to buy a car and not on the party!

Four years on, we have 4 beautiful children ( 4, 3, 18 months and 4 months ) And we've started to save for a house deposit. On telling my MIL this she commented " Shouldn't you be getting married properly first" Which has honestly really upset me, I don't see anything wrong with the way we were married. She's expecting us to save up and have a huge wedding, because all of his family couldn't be there and it wasn't fair that they missed it, or at least throw a party for them. I think that she's being unreasonable, we don't need a party to be married properly.

OH doesn't know about any of this as he's away for the next few weeks. I don't really want to tell him as it will upset him, Am I overreacting?

BigAunty

Yes,she is rude and yes, you are over-reacting.

Your marriage is legal and you quite rightly had it the way you wanted it, influenced by many factors including timing and budget. It isn't your responsibility to hold the type of 'wedding event' that she seeks, just to please her.

And yes, you are over-reacting to her personal judgements because you should be secure enough to shrug it off, knowing that you are happy with what you have done.

So just learn to bat away her digs - I'm sure she didn't mean to be directly insulting by judging your event on her preferred way of celebrating it, so don't get upset.

Morglin

Ignore her, you are legally wed, happy with the man you married, and that is all that matters.

Lin

Buzzybee90

If she wants a big party - she's welcome to throw you one!

elsien

Tell her you'll do it for your golden wedding anniversary if she wants to stick around.


In all seriousness, don't let it get to you. You've been together for years and generally get on well with MIL -just let it ride for now but if she's really got a bee in her bonnet about it, get OH to tell her she's out of order further down the line. Being told you need to get "properly" married would be annoying, but you've got a family with the man. You don't get much more "proper" than that.

bluenoseam

At best she'd be getting a blessing - which is a much lesser version of a wedding to that which you already have had, so tell her to stick that in her pipe and smoke it. You're happy, no doubt your OH is happy & well, with 4 kids to look after you've got more important things on your plate to deal with than the overgrown brat known as the MiL.

tillyenna

I'd tell her if she wants you to have a big party (which is all the reception bit of a wedding is, an excuse to have a party) then she's welcome to throw you one (maybe you could have a renewal of vows on a significant anniversary?) - just make sure she knows she'd be paying for it!

aileth

I think you're over-reacting but she is being a total cow.

I remember when me and OH got engaged and I said we would just do it on the cheap, dress from Monsoon, registry office, buffet at home, and my mother's response was, "Don't you want a proper wedding?"

There's no such thing as a 'proper' wedding; it's whatever is best for you, and you sound like you've done fantastically well from it.

Ignore her completely, I wouldn't even mention it to your OH, and if she brings it up again say that if she's so desperate for you get married 'properly' (AKA in a way SHE likes), then you'd be more than willing for her to fund a big party.

Mojisola

You've got your priorities right and she hasn't.

The idea that you should abandon the idea of buying a home for your family until after you've had a big "do" for the relatives just isn't MSE!

whitewing

Why don't you renew your vows etc for your 5th wedding anniversary and let her get involved with that. No sense in having a big party if you can't look forward to it and it's a bit less random than one now.

savingmummy

There is no need for you to be married again, your married have 4 beautiful children and are now saving hard to get a home.
It wouldn't bother me that much that she has mentioned this, I would of replied with a comment though.


The money you`ll `waste` on a renewal (which isn't necessary) can go towards your deposit!
IF she wants you to have a big celebration for all the family she can pay for it, I`d probably talk to her about it to clear the air.