Accepting financial help or not

mountainofdebt

I honestly don't see the problem.

You suspect that your dad has helped out your brother in the past and when your dad offers to help you, you're worried about your brother's reaction ?

Sounds as if your dad has woken up and smelt the coffee and realised that he has two children and that its about time the 2nd child was offered some help.......or that he's being taken for a ride by his son and his DIL

mountainofdebt

rachy182 wrote: »

Personally i wouldn't accept it, not because of fairness but more that the offer would feel more like an after thought and if you weren't there then i bet the brother would have got the money and you would be none the wiser. For fairness though i would suggest the money be split between the two of you. Why should one person get all of it and the other one nothing?

But at the end of the day its the father's money to do with as he wishes.....just as it was the father's choice to previously have helped out the son.

Not accepting the help just because it smacks of an after thought has the appearance of cutting your nose off to spite your face

SuzieSue

rachy182 wrote: »

Personally i wouldn't accept it, not because of fairness but more that the offer would feel more like an after thought and if you weren't there then i bet the brother would have got the money and you would be none the wiser. For fairness though i would suggest the money be split between the two of you. Why should one person get all of it and the other one nothing?

People make mistakes. The OP's father was wrong in favouring her brother and is now trying to make things right. Life is too short to bear grudges when someone is trying to do the right thing and make amends for the past.

Why should it be split between the two of them? The OP has no idea what the father has given her brother in the past and she certainly didn't receive a share of the money that she saw her father had transferred to her brother on his bank statements. It was unlikey to be a loan if her father is well off.

SuzieSue

mountainofdebt wrote: »

Ior that he's being taken for a ride by his son and his DIL

Yes, I think your father has probably seen what your brother and SIL are really like and didn't like what he saw.

pollypenny

If your dad has helped your brother in the last, it's your turn now.

Primrose

Your dad probably doesn't want to admit the details of money given / loaned to your brother, and as it's his money, that's his business. But in the same way that it was his money, he has the option to make a similar gift to his daughter, i.e. YOU, so I would accept it.
But I would explain to him your reasoning for firstly not accepting and ask him if he would write you a letter explaining his reasons for the gift. I'm sure he will understand that if you accept it you might want to be able to prove at a later date it was a gift given by your dad willingly and happily, and if he and your brother are not speaking at the moment, he will surely understand that you may want to "cover" your acceptance of any money later down the road when perhaps your dad is no longer around to explain it personally himself - not that he should have to, or account for how he disposes of his own money. In any case, I don't know how old your dad is but he may well be thinking of Inheritance Tax issues if you say he's well off, so he may be wishing to dispose of it at least seven years before he dies to avoid it being dissipated by taxes. Far better that you have it now Take it and be grateful you have a generous dad. Just use the money wisely

sassyblue

I'd take it, it's about time you were treated fairly. And don't care about your SIL either, how dare she actually ask for it using her son for the sympathy vote!!

I have been in a very similar situation where hubby's brother and his family were given lots of help both physical and monetary where we weren't. It upset us and me especially as l thought my in laws didn't like me. They had the only grandchildren and did use them as excuses, ie tumble dryers broken down and she HAS TO HAVE a tumble dryer with two kids...

sillyme673

Take the money and enjoy it.:)

rach_k

Fair doesn't necessarily mean everybody has to be treated exactly the same. People have different needs at different times. Your brother might have needed money in the past and he's probably had it from your dad. If you didn't need money at the time, that isn't unfair to you - you just didn't need it. If you need money now and your brother doesn't, it won't be unfair to your brother if you get some money and he doesn't. It would only be unfair if both of you had equal need of money and only one of you was given it. Even then, a gift is for the giver to decide if they want to give it - if they do and somebody believes it to be unfair, they need to address it with them, not with the person who received it. If you have any trouble with bro and SIL, just tell them you assumed your dad was treating you all fairly (they can interpret this as 'exactly the same' if they want, or accept that they've been given money in the past when you haven't) and then they can talk to your dad if they're stupid enough.

Ivrytwr3

I don't understand the problem here. What your dad has given to your brother in the past, present or future is really none of your business; it's your dad's cash (and mum's!). So I would forget that angle completely.

"Dad has said that as far as he's concerned it's his money to do with as he chooses. He said that I'm a number of years behind my brother which has meant that brother has had access to cheaper property and other advantageous situations and I've had difficulties that brother hasn't had."

Your dad has obviously thought this through. So all the above aside, do you need the money that he is offering? If so, take the money and say thank you!