Is it ok for a dad not to be sat at top table?(wedding related)

Silver-Freddy

Just jumped on to say thank you so much for your replies.
I didn't say anything to his son last night but mentioned it to my partners mum when we saw her last night,she was very surprised indeed.
Myself,my partner and my partners mum had a good talk about it and in the end it was decided its best not to say anything.My partners assured us he,s ok with everything and it wont spoil the day or night so I guess that's where it all ends.
In his eyes it will only be for an hour at the most while the food is served and speeches are made and if others wonder why he not on the top table then that's their choice.
At the end of the day if my partners telling us not to take it personally then that's all we can do.Its still going to be a fabulous night and its pointless letting just one hour spoil this lovely occasion.He,ll still love the bones of his lad forever and they will always remain close so I will be happy at that.
As I mentioned in my first post,maybe I am a bit old fashioned and need dragging into the 21st century lol

mountainofdebt

Silver-Freddy wrote: »

Just jumped on to say thank you so much for your replies.
I didn't say anything to his son last night but mentioned it to my partners mum when we saw her last night,she was very surprised indeed.
Myself,my partner and my partners mum had a good talk about it and in the end it was decided its best not to say anything.My partners assured us he,s ok with everything and it wont spoil the day or night so I guess that's where it all ends.
In his eyes it will only be for an hour at the most while the food is served and speeches are made and if others wonder why he not on the top table then that's their choice.
At the end of the day if my partners telling us not to take it personally then that's all we can do.Its still going to be a fabulous night and its pointless letting just one hour spoil this lovely occasion.He,ll still love the bones of his lad forever and they will always remain close so I will be happy at that.
As I mentioned in my first post,maybe I am a bit old fashioned and need dragging into the 21st century lol

Actually I think there's alot of families that could use you as a masterclass in how to conduct yourself when faced with this sort of situation.
Hope everyone has a lovely day

X

Silver-Freddy

mountainofdebt wrote: »

Actually I think there's alot of families that could use you as a masterclass in how to conduct yourself when faced with this sort of situation.
Hope everyone has a lovely day

X

Thanks so much for your lovely words.At the end of the day I wouldn't hurt my partner for all the money in the world and that's how I know everything will be great on the day because I,ll focus on us both having a fabulous time.
I know one poster mentioned about if drink is involved then its a recipe for disaster(or something like that) but in mine and my partners case the more we drink(within reason lol) the happier we are with the world!!
Weve got almost a month to gear ourselves up on having a lovely day and a lovely day we will have.
Thank you everyone for your honest replies.

geoffky

You are lucky..My daughter got married a few weeks ago and the grooms dad had to sit at the back of the church and then slope off at the end because the ex- wife can not stand him..
I felt really sorry for him...And made sure he was on some photos..

Worry_Wart

I have a protracted step family as does my boyfriend. The thoughts of navigating top table politics would put me off a formal wedding completely. I think if we ever do get married it will be a Vegas job with no one else there, and then an informal party back in Blighty. Or, just wait until half of them have died off.

Well done OP on taking the moral high ground and not letting it affect the day. The bride and groom probably had to make some hard decisions and it's good to you both to let them do it their way without fuss.

Mojisola

Worry_Wart wrote: »

I have a protracted step family as does my boyfriend. The thoughts of navigating top table politics would put me off a formal wedding completely.

With the complications of blended families, it's not unusual to have the bridal couple at a table of their own and the main family members at several other adjacent tables. That way, warring exs can be kept away from each other and no-one gets upset because they weren't at the top table.

onlyroz

It's their wedding so it's ultimately their choice.

I've only been to one wedding where I have actually known who the people at the top table were (apart from obviously the bride and groom). That was my brother's wedding, and he sat the bride's mother with the groom's father, and the bride's father with the groom's mother. I've no idea or particular interest in whether this is the "normal" way of doing things but it seems like a good idea, particularly if there are step-parents involved.

But all in all I find formal weddings to be unbelievably tedious and I'm glad I steered clear of all the nonsense for my own wedding.

haras_nosirrah

I think you and your partner have handled this with real class. Yes it may be disappointing but as your partner says it is just for one hour

DigForVictory

Silver-Freddy wrote: »

Its still going to be a fabulous night and its pointless letting just one hour spoil this lovely occasion.He,ll still love the bones of his lad forever and they will always remain close so I will be happy at that.
As I mentioned in my first post,maybe I am a bit old fashioned and need dragging into the 21st century lol

Dear sir, I wish you could drag some unnamed others into your courtesy, grace & lovely manners - something which in this 21st century appear to be going awry.

It had all the makings of a fraught situation - now it's all set to be a lovely happy day - I don't think there is a better gift you can give.

Hoping it does all go as smoothly & happily as hoped for, and that others are inspired by your example!

jscott05

Is the step father going to making any kind of speech.
Also you really don't think someone will mention it on the day.