Is it ok for a dad not to be sat at top table?(wedding related)

Silver-Freddy

My partners son is getting married in 4 weeks time,its a big wedding and we are all looking forward to it very much.
The background is my partner separated with his wife 12 years ago,everything went fine and even to this day he is still friends with her,I too get along fine with her.
Hes close to his 2 children,both now grown up so when we knew his lad was getting married we was really happy because hes marrying a lovely girl.
About a year after the split his wife found another partner and my partner found me,shes still with him and Im still with my partner.
Everythings going great but he phoned his ex wife last week and asked about the seating arrangments on the wedding meal,he was told that he isn't seated on the top table,he,ll be on a different table nearby.
I was shocked at this as I always thought dads go on the top table.As for me Im more than happy to be on a back table during the meal and speeches.Am I old fashioned thinking this way???
We do know that his ex wifes partner will be on the top table on the day.My partner said so long as we,re both sat together then he,ll be fine.I know my partner is upset because he said he,s upset about it but again he said so long as he,s sat with me then he,ll be happy.
If he had never been part of his sons life then yes Id agree that he shouldnt be on the top table but he is close,very close and I just cant fathom out why this has happened.
Ive not mentioned it since the night he found out about it but I know he,s upset and I guess I am too.
I guess I just needed opinions on whether its just an old fashioned thing to think that dads should be at the top table.

Mojisola

Silver-Freddy wrote: »

If he had never been part of his sons life then yes Id agree that he shouldnt be on the top table but he is close,very close and I just cant fathom out why this has happened.

In that case, he should speak to his son.

Horace

This is what happens when parents split and re-marry. For some weddings there often isn't a top table as the bridal party are seated on round tables and the happy couple have a sweetheart table of their own.

If your partner is upset about not being on the top table then he should speak to his son about it. Etiquette would say that your partner and his ex wife should sit at the top table and their respective partners at a different table. Personally, I would go along to the wedding and not fret about the seating plan and enjoy the day as it isn't worth causing friction over it.

Silver-Freddy

Mojisola wrote: »

In that case, he should speak to his son.

He dosent want to rock the boat or upset anyone so close to the wedding which I can understand .I guess I just wanted to know if its an old fashioned thing that mums and dads should be on the top table.Yes they split up many years ago but everyone is still friends and that part of family life is good.

Silver-Freddy

Horace wrote: »

This is what happens when parents split and re-marry. For some weddings there often isn't a top table as the bridal party are seated on round tables and the happy couple have a sweetheart table of their own.

If your partner is upset about not being on the top table then he should speak to his son about it. Etiquette would say that your partner and his ex wife should sit at the top table and their respective partners at a different table. Personally, I would go along to the wedding and not fret about the seating plan and enjoy the day as it isn't worth causing friction over it.

There will definatly be no friction Horace,this day is too important and special for any of that lol


At the end of the day it will only be for an hour or so at the tables and maybe things are different now,we need to be dragged into the 21st century lol

BuntyB

If he is the only parent being left out of sitting at the top table, it does seem unfair. At my son's wedding, it was only the best men and bridesmaids who sat at the top table. His stepdad and I sat with my immediate family and son's dad sat with his immediate family. Similar at step- daughter's wedding. It was much easier having it that way and all parents could sit with their respective partners rather than with ex partners.

laurel7172

I think the idea of a top table belongs to an age before divorce. Some tables must be very long indeed to accommodate all the permutations of modern families-and what if the best man and bridesmaids break with tradition and expect to eat with their partners as well?

It's always hard to be the one left behind by a changing tradition, and you sound like a model blended family, but maybe there just isn't the space for everybody.

19lottie82

My parent a have been divorced for 27 years and aren't very fond of each other to say the least.

I'm getting married in 3 weeks and have both parents at the top table. My mum will sit w H2Bs dad and my dad with his mum. Saves a lot of stress and apparently this is very common anyway?

No way I would have a top table without my dad.

Silver-Freddy

I just don't know why its happened this way Bunty,my partner dosent either,yes he could mention it to his son but as he has said,its too late in the day to alter anything.
I know my partners family wont be happy when they do find out but at the end of the day it will still be a magical day for everyone and if his son regrets not having his dad on the table,well he will just have to accept it.
But I,ll always wonder why?

Morglin

Dads should be at the top table, but I guess, when people get married, they have their day as they want it.

Lin

Pearlstar

Who is paying for the wedding?