Is it ok for a dad not to be sat at top table?(wedding related)

Mojisola

Silver-Freddy wrote: »

I know my partners family wont be happy when they do find out but at the end of the day it will still be a magical day for everyone and if his son regrets not having his dad on the table,well he will just have to accept it.

Groom's Dad the only parent not at the top table and plenty of drink taken while the issue gets talked about - sounds like a recipe for a major bust-up!

RuthnJasper

Whatever the various histories and perceived etiquettes, it is the choice of the bride and groom. It's their day.

However, a discreet word or suggestion might be wise here. Perhaps the dad and his son could have a special 'stag'-type outing prior to the wedding to compensate? Or ensure that, even though the dad isn't seated at the top table, the groom or best man points him out during his speech and proposes a toast "please be upstanding for the father of the groom"...?

Hope the day goes well, whatever the decision. x

Noctu

Silver-Freddy wrote: »

My partners son is getting married in 4 weeks time,its a big wedding and we are all looking forward to it very much.
.... was told that he isn't seated on the top table,he,ll be on a different table nearby.
...
We do know that his ex wifes partner will be on the top table on the day.
...
I guess I just needed opinions on whether its just an old fashioned thing to think that dads should be at the top table.

Well, regardless of it being old fashioned or not, it smacks of being unfair particularly if, as you say, your partner and your son get on and have no beef with each other.

I wonder if ex wife's partner has a problem with your partner? Have they put any pressure on son to keep them separate?

It's not too late to change the seating arrangements if your partner wanted to have a word with his son about it, which I think he should.

If it's too difficult to accommodate new partners etc then I think BuntyB's experiences is the fairest way to do it.

deva

Traditionally it's wrong.
Morally it's ambiguous.

What really matters is how those who are directly involved feel. I think partners together does make occasions more fun. Also depends on how formal/ obvious seating is.

pollyzanna

.... so long as other parents aren't sitting on the top table either!

I do think it's odd that the mother and her partner are both sitting on the top table - are they especially involved with the wedding at all? Are they contributing towards the cost of the wedding/reception?

I think it's almost more sad that things weren't discussed beforehand i.e. some sort of conversation to say "look, about the top table seating plan, x and y want to sit on the table but we can't have everyone there, would you and B mind if you sat on a different table close by?" - or whatever. I do think you should have been told in a better way.

Hope things can get sorted out.

happe

I have to agree with the above, something should have been said about the seating plan before now. I think Id rather sit with my own partner anyway.
I would actually be more concerned about the photo's and would be making it clear to the ex that when the photographer asks for parents of the groom that it will be your partner standing up in them and not hers.

silvercar

Silver-Freddy wrote: »

I just don't know why its happened this way Bunty,my partner dosent either,yes he could mention it to his son but as he has said,its too late in the day to alter anything.
I know my partners family wont be happy when they do find out but at the end of the day it will still be a magical day for everyone and if his son regrets not having his dad on the table,well he will just have to accept it.
But I,ll always wonder why?

Why? I have seen table plans shuffled an hour before hand.

I wonder who is paying?

Silver-Freddy

pollyzanna wrote: »

.... so long as other parents aren't sitting on the top table either!

I do think it's odd that the mother and her partner are both sitting on the top table - are they especially involved with the wedding at all? Are they contributing towards the cost of the wedding/reception?

I think it's almost more sad that things weren't discussed beforehand i.e. some sort of conversation to say "look, about the top table seating plan, x and y want to sit on the table but we can't have everyone there, would you and B mind if you sat on a different table close by?" - or whatever. I do think you should have been told in a better way.




We never gave it a second thought to be honest,it was only when my partner phoned his ex wife and she informed him he wouldn't be sat at the top table.
As far as I know his son and girlfriend have paid for the wedding although we have given them £2,000 towards it,well we will when we give it to them tonight,it wasn't possible to give more.


And the best thing will be,for me anyhow,is to say nothing tonight when we see them.

pollyzanna

if you and your partner are able to rise above it then hats off to you both. Weddings sometimes bring up unfortunate family issues.
Just be aware/prepared for awkward questions on the day.

splishsplash

I think it's pretty bad form. I do not get on with my ex, but I would expect him to be seated at the top table at my children's weddings. I can't think of a reason why he wouldn't, unless the child getting married didn't want him there. That doesn't sound like it's the case here.

OP, of course your partner is upset. If I were the dad, I would feel very hurt and pushed aside. I would be upset to think that I wasn't seated where I 'should' be, but relegated to the side.

I think if I were you, I would say something to the son when you see him. He may not be aware of the upset this will cause/has caused. I would just try to make sure that he's a) aware of the seating plan and b) happy with it before deciding anything else. This may all have been arranged by the bride under the ex-wife's direction with the son happily oblivious to all the arrangements.