problems with sons and daughters

red_devil

Following on from the thread dil cutting us of for mo reason just wondered how many people dont see their adult sons or daughters and how do you deal with it?

DomRavioli

Bit of a point of view from the other side as I don't have kids!

I don't see my parents; they behaved very much like the OP from that thread! Overbearing, demanding and always so very selfish. None of my siblings see our parents because of this, and two of them moved abroad to get away from it.

My parents have two grandkids that they have seen in person twice, both at family occasions where my siblings flew into the UK.

thorsoak

How often you see your adult children is relative to their location - I haven't seen my daughter and her family since June of last year - but they live in the USA. However, I talk to them weekly, stay in contact on F/b, skype etc. Similarly with two of my sons - who live on the other side of the country.

System

My eldest son I see maybe a handful of times a year. I speak to him/Whatsapp him more often than that though. he lives about 5 miles away.

My eldest daughter I haven't seen her over a year and a half maybe. Only because she is living in South Africa. I speak to her but mainly Whatsapp her throughout the week.

My middle son, ive probably only seen him two or three times this year. He doesn't have a phone so I cant contact him easily and he's not on the net. He lives about 2 miles away.

Youngest daughter I see at least once a week. We Whatsapp throughout the week. She lives about 2 miles away if that.

Youngest son still lives at home.

Tiglath

My mother doesn't want to stay in contact with me and we haven't spoken since I had them all for Mother's Day - she can't get any more money from me, I don't live close enough to be useful on a daily basis, and I didn't produce grandchildren. I'm a failure on all levels My niece took my copy of Mum's keys a couple of years ago, and Mum decided I wasn't allowed in the house so I could only see her at my sister's house. No real reason that I can think of, just an awareness that I've been pushed out of the family circle. It's quite a relief actually to not have to pretend that we're a happy family. Her biological daughter can deal with her now.

Worry_Wart

I see my mother about three times a year and my father once or twice as he lives abroad. I speak to them between once a week and once a month. This seems to work pretty well for us all. I have four brothers and sisters and their communication varies from never (older sister who doesn't get on with them) to every day (my little brother who lives with my mother). I'd say we mostly get on quite well with each other but are independent and value our space and own lives.

roobee13

I am fortunate to have great parents, but a PITA for a brother. I couldn't tell you the last time I saw him, though my parents (more mum) still see him.

I don't believe in the phrase blood is thicker than water. I have some friends who would do anything for me (and vice versa), yet if my brother saw me lying in the street he'd probably nick my phone and purse and leave me for dead. Sad but true.

The only refreshing thing I find on the forums is that at least we're not the only dysfunctional family out there!!

balletshoes

Due to physical distance i only see my mum maybe 5 or 6 times a year ~ but each of those times would be for 4 days or more.
We phone/text each other in between visits.

OP are u talking about having communication with your grown~up kids, or solely seeing them?

Fluff15

roobee13 wrote: »

I don't believe in the phrase blood is thicker than water.

The full phrase is actually the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb - which was from soldiers who fought beside each other saying that the blood spilt on the battlefield and the friendships forged between them was stronger than that of family. So what everybody knows it by today is actually the wrong way round!

My mum was estranged from her dad, and then he died of cancer. She believes it was the right thing to not have any contact with him, and even though she didn't see him before he died she has no regrets as it was healthier for her to keep him out of her life.

In my own case, I'm 23 and only speak to my parents once a month. It's nothing to do with them or myself, it's just the way we are as we're all living separate lives and have got plenty to get on with without regular contact.

elsien

Mum and the rest of us hardly saw my brother for years as although there was no falling out SIL wouldn't visit or let the kids visit with their dad, or invite us to stay, even if we offered to stay in a hotel and just meet up for a couple of hours. Mum found it particularly hard to deal with as they stayed with her relatives 10 miles away but would rarely arrange to see mum while they were down.
They are now divorced, we see him and the children regularly and he has since said he wanted us all to have far more contact at the time but was scared she'd take the kids and stop him from seeing them if he ever stood up to her. As it happens she did try and there were huge court battles, but it's now sorted and mum gets to see the grandchildren regularly. So I have some sympathy with the OP in the original thread - brother confirmed we hadn't done anything wrong as such. In his opinion SIL felt jealous of the close relationship between the siblings so decided it was easier for her just to cut ties - he didn't get a lot of say in the matter because he felt he had too much to lose if he said anything.


None of the three of us children are in contact with my father. We have all become estranged at different times and for different reasons.

hgotsparkle

On the flip side, I'm mid 20s and haven't seen my dad since I was 18. I can see on Facebook how he deals with it, putting up happy family pictures of him and his other kids, and that doesn't bother me. Hes a selfish, vindictive, controlling man who plays the guilt card too much and I'm better off without him. And growing up, I never really felt he knew me even though I saw him every weekend!