How do you cope with a lazy Spouse/Partner?

74jax

CH27 wrote: »

He's got no reason to do it as you should keep doing it for him.
Do your own washing, ironing, cooking & cleaning & let him fend for himself.

I don't do any of oh's washing or cleaning up afterwards. He is really lazy and it did my head in cleaning up after him. He wouldn't do my washing, soI stopped doing his and I feel so much more at ease .

My clothes are nice and clean, if he wasn't to wear his sandy clothes two weeks on the trot, fine.

theoretica

'Helping' could imply it is your job which he is kindly asked to assist with. 'Doing his share' whether on the same jobs or different ones sounds fairer - to you!

dandelionclock30

Stop having sex with him until he does his fair share in the house, he'll soon buck his ideas up.

whodathunkit

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

It's definetly taking someone for granted, and that's a fact.

I'm lucky in that my husband is very domesticated (probably more so than me tbh!) and can't stand a mess, dishes not done etc etc. From the start, we split chores 50/50. We both worked full time and it's the fair thing to do.

I seriously think it all depends on the person though, be it male or female, some people are just genuinely more slovenly and lazy than others, and the only way you're going to get anywhere OP is to make it known you are being serious when you have a talk with him or he's not going to listen and he's just going to take it as nagging....and no-one likes being nagged at.

You're still assuming that your way is the right way and the other person needs to conform with this - what happened to compromise?

whodathunkit

freeman3030 wrote: »

The food shopping is another one of the chores I do on my own, I prepare the list, I do the shopping, I usually cook... I do it all! It's very probably my own fault that it's ended up like this because I just tend to do everything, I have difficulty in saying no. He recently sold his car to save money as the train is cheaper for him to get to work and back so he can't easily get to the supermarket. I'm not making any excuses for him because I guess he could walk or even get the bus but as I go shopping every week or so, it just makes sense for me to get the food.
Things might change now as I no longer do split shifts and will have evenings to go shopping together, so perhaps things could change!

You obviously have an internet connection, why can't one of you shop online?

Georgiegirl256

whodathunkit wrote: »

You're still assuming that your way is the right way and the other person needs to conform with this - what happened to compromise?

No I'm not, where did I say my way is the right way? I said that it is right for me and my husband, it works for us, it wouldn't neccessarily be the right solution for everyone else though, every couple is different.

I'm not saying this will work for all couples at all, it obviously depends on working hours etc, but didn't the OP say that they both worked full time? If that's then case, then they should be splitting the chores equally. Some couples don't, and one of them does more than the other, and this works for them....but it obviously doesn't for the OP, or she wouldn't be on here asking for advice would she?

Like I said before, the only way it's ever going to get sorted is to sit down and have a serious conversation about it, stating that she is not happy and that it's not fair that he is not pulling his weight.

moneysniffer

dandelionclock30 wrote: »

Stop having sex with him until he does his fair share in the house, he'll soon buck his ideas up.

I would hope that nobody in their right mind would resort to bribery in a relationship to get what they want - pretty dysfunctional if you ask me. You need to talk to each other!

Tiglath

My DH doesn't see stuff that needs doing, or maybe he sees it and strings it out for as long as he can until he can see I'm about to go ballistic. He'd rather be on the internet. I give him a list of things that need doing for his share, and mostly he does them. Mostly. I recently had to get on my hands and knees and scrub the kitchen floor because it hadn't been washed in 2 months and I got fed-up with asking. I did manage to get him to help me do some decluttering last weekend.

We're still working on loading the dishwasher every day - if it's not done by the time I get in from home to cook (2 hours after him), I simply refuse to cook and he can go up the chipshop if he wants to eat. I've known 3 longterm couples split up because the men simply won't do their share, and in each case the women were also working fulltime and keeping them afloat financially while the men weren't. I don't know why it is this way - my Dad wasn't like that. Our situation's different in that we both work fulltime, so once we get to the point where the house is properly decluttered, we're getting a cleaner.

freeman3030

Thanks for the tips, I will certainly be bringing them up when I talk to him tonight. I've sometimes done the list thing and it does work, I just assumed that once he done it a couple of times he would get the gist that it always needed doing - deffo a case of manchild syndrome.
As for shopping online, I used to but then I found myself in a rut of just ordering the same thing and having the same meals so I decided to back back a shop in store because I can get some inspiration of different meals. Plus shopping in store is so much easier now with scan and shop! I guess it's just one of those things that's going to take some time. Thank you all x

freeman3030

Mojisola wrote: »

Isn't he a named driver on your insurance so that he can go shopping, share the driving on trips, etc?

Unfortunately not, he only passed his driving test a year and a half ago and has had a car accident since so I'd imagine the insurance would be quite expensive. I'd imagine I'd be on tenterhooks if he were to drive my car because his driving ability is about as good as his cleaning ability! Lol! I do wonder how on earth he passed his test! I'm joking really!