How do you cope with a lazy Spouse/Partner?

trailingspouse

If he'll do stuff when you ask him, you'll just have to keep asking him.

And once you've asked him, and he's agreed, don't pick up the pieces if it doesn't get done. This is probably the hardest bit.

Mojisola

freeman3030 wrote: »

I expect this is quite a common question, but I'm looking for some advice on how to get/motivate my partner to help me do household chores. He has an ability to get away with doing nothing (unless I ask) around the house, its not so much the cleaning because I'm happy to clean the house on my days off. But I'm fed up with everything else, cooking dinner, loading the dishwasher, doing the washing, generally tidying up after things have been used etc.

Unless all the housework is your job, change the way you talk about it - he's not helping you, he's doing chores that need to be done.

I love my partner to death, we've been through quite a bit together but I don't think he appreciates everything I do. We both work full time so in my eyes, chores should be split evenly.

Make him appreciate what you do - don't do it!
https://www.joke-archives.com/mothers/ididntdoit.html

bargainbetty

I did eventually get very sick of my ex-OH's laundry habits. I explained that just because his mum has done it, didn't mean I was going to. I did a share, and would always fill the machine with both our stuff. He resolutely left my stuff, even going so far as to empty the laundry bin, take his stuff to the machine and leave mine on the floor!

It took a level of communication and trade-off to work out what was important and what could wait. He might genuinely not see the need to do things that you do, but he needs to respect your wish to live in a clean home. Compromise is all.

freeman3030

E Wow I hadn’t realised so many responses would come back so quickly! Where to start… I can see that by me having done it all this time, why would he start helping. I can see what ‘whodathunkit' is saying, I’ve never really thought that just because I like it tidy means that its the right way to live so I’ll bare that in mind in the future.

I can confirm that I have this one and only account, I’ve no idea who ‘tea lover’ is.

Eliza, aileth and shiney85, I’m completely on the same wavelength as you! I’m forever picking up clothes and putting them into wash and complaining that they’re left and am always told that they were going to be re-worn… why, oh why do they do this to us?

Morglin, please don’t remind me about the world cup! I’m getting a daily countdown, I’ve already been asked to stock up on ‘Football Food’!

I think the list of chores will be the only way forward, I just hope he’s willing and sticks to it!

Mojisola

freeman3030 wrote: »

Morglin, please don’t remind me about the world cup! I’m getting a daily countdown, I’ve already been asked to stock up on ‘Football Food’!

And have you said yes or suggested that he goes shopping?

cakeforbrains

freeman3030 wrote: »

E Wow I hadn’t realised so many responses would come back so quickly! Where to start… I can see that by me having done it all this time, why would he start helping. I can see what ‘whodathunkit' is saying, I’ve never really thought that just because I like it tidy means that its the right way to live so I’ll bare that in mind in the future.

I can confirm that I have this one and only account, I’ve no idea who ‘tea lover’ is.

Eliza, aileth and shiney85, I’m completely on the same wavelength as you! I’m forever picking up clothes and putting them into wash and complaining that they’re left and am always told that they were going to be re-worn… why, oh why do they do this to us?

Morglin, please don’t remind me about the world cup! I’m getting a daily countdown, I’ve already been asked to stock up on ‘Football Food’!

I think the list of chores will be the only way forward, I just hope he’s willing and sticks to it!

Can't he get his own football food?

freeman3030

The food shopping is another one of the chores I do on my own, I prepare the list, I do the shopping, I usually cook... I do it all! It's very probably my own fault that it's ended up like this because I just tend to do everything, I have difficulty in saying no. He recently sold his car to save money as the train is cheaper for him to get to work and back so he can't easily get to the supermarket. I'm not making any excuses for him because I guess he could walk or even get the bus but as I go shopping every week or so, it just makes sense for me to get the food.
Things might change now as I no longer do split shifts and will have evenings to go shopping together, so perhaps things could change!

Mojisola

freeman3030 wrote: »

He recently sold his car to save money as the train is cheaper for him to get to work and back so he can't easily get to the supermarket.

Isn't he a named driver on your insurance so that he can go shopping, share the driving on trips, etc?

roobee13

Ah, I like to call this 'man-child' syndrome. I used to have one but eventually his utter laziness (amongst a ton of other issues) became a deal breaker.

I think others have posted great advice OP, this is one you're gonna have to have a proper sit-down discussion on. I found I just got more resentful but at the same time a lot of women (not all!) do make rods for their own backs by doing everything around the home.

Try taking a step back and seeing if he begins to do anything of his own accord. I went completely on strike once and did nothing for him, it worked for a short while but we had other problems, I do hope this isn't the same for you.

Good luck!! x

jenand8285

In my experience the only way to get 'them' to do anything is just keep asking! On my OH day off I leave him a list or text him the list. May seem a bit much but it is the only way my OH will do anything. He actually does not mind anymore as he knows exactly what he has to do.


We both work full time and I always clean at the weekend, it is only fair he does something. Sooo after 8 years of living together I have the answer to be a list!!


The only problem with my OH is that he literally has to be told every little job, a simple clean the bathroom does not suffice. Its like cleaning is very un-natural to him lol.