How do you cope with a lazy Spouse/Partner?

freeman3030

Hi all,
I expect this is quite a common question, but I'm looking for some advice on how to get/motivate my partner to help me do household chores. He has an ability to get away with doing nothing (unless I ask) around the house, its not so much the cleaning because I'm happy to clean the house on my days off. But I'm fed up with everything else, cooking dinner, loading the dishwasher, doing the washing, generally tidying up after things have been used etc.

I love my partner to death, we've been through quite a bit together but I don't think he appreciates everything I do. We both work full time so in my eyes, chores should be split evenly.

If I ask him to cook dinner he will, but once hes done it, thats it until I ask again. Likewise with the vacuuming, he will do it when asked but will do a substandard job (in the hope I wont ask him to do it again).

He refers to me as the moan-a-tronic 5000 which I do find funny, but I just get annoyed with the lack of help. A prime example the other day of him being lazy, he told me that his electric shaver broke so he threw it away. Later on I went into the bathroom and the lead was dangling from the shaver point and the case was out on the side. When I confronted him about why he hadn't thrown it away the response was "I'll clear it away in my own time." This frustrates the hell out of me. Now 2 days later I've just decide to throw it away for him because it's still there. I could go on endlessly with tales about unpaired socks just shoved in drawers and dvds strew around all in the wrong boxes.

When I tell him that I want it kept tidy he just says that he doesn't want to live in a showhome! I don't think I'm asking the earth but what do you do with lazy partners? Its almost like he's got a compulsion to p*** me off! HELP!

PenguinJim

Having people visit often is a good motivation to clean up the most obvious stuff on a regular basis, in my experience!

Personally, I'm quite shy about doing housework in front of people, so he might prefer to vacuum or do the laundry etc while you're out? That's when I vacuum and mop and saw pieces of wood in half.

I do our housework because I love my partner and want her to relax and live in a nice home - I didn't keep things as clean when it was just me. I don't honestly know if doing/not doing housework is a reliable indicator of whether or not someone loves you, but... that's all I have to say about that.

CH27

He's got no reason to do it as you should keep doing it for him.
Do your own washing, ironing, cooking & cleaning & let him fend for himself.

FBaby

So you have different standards so you get frustrated for setting him as lazy he gets frustrated for thinking your a nag. Only way around it you compromise. You both sit down and agree on what is done by whom by when. This way he's got to do it and you don't have to nag.

cakeforbrains

PenguinJim wrote: »

Having people visit often is a good motivation to clean up the most obvious stuff on a regular basis, in my experience!

Personally, I'm quite shy about doing housework in front of people, so he might prefer to vacuum or do the laundry etc while you're out? That's when I vacuum and mop and saw pieces of wood in half.

I do our housework because I love my partner and want her to relax and live in a nice home - I didn't keep things as clean when it was just me. I don't honestly know if doing/not doing housework is a reliable indicator of whether or not someone loves you, but... that's all I have to say about that.

This. And that works both ways.

What does he say when you try to talk to him seriously about it?

tea_lover

cakeforbrains wrote: »

What does he say when you try to talk to him seriously about it?

I'll do it later :mad:

cakeforbrains

tea_lover wrote: »

I'll do it later :mad:

Not sure if you're the OP on a different account, but that sounds like a response to a particular 'nag' rather than the problem as a whole.

whodathunkit

freeman3030 wrote: »

Hi all,
I expect this is quite a common question, but I'm looking for some advice on how to get/motivate my partner to help me do household chores. He has an ability to get away with doing nothing (unless I ask) around the house, its not so much the cleaning because I'm happy to clean the house on my days off. But I'm fed up with everything else, cooking dinner, loading the dishwasher, doing the washing, generally tidying up after things have been used etc.

I love my partner to death, we've been through quite a bit together but I don't think he appreciates everything I do. We both work full time so in my eyes, chores should be split evenly.

If I ask him to cook dinner he will, but once hes done it, thats it until I ask again. Likewise with the vacuuming, he will do it when asked but will do a substandard job (in the hope I wont ask him to do it again).

He refers to me as the moan-a-tronic 5000 which I do find funny, but I just get annoyed with the lack of help. A prime example the other day of him being lazy, he told me that his electric shaver broke so he threw it away. Later on I went into the bathroom and the lead was dangling from the shaver point and the case was out on the side. When I confronted him about why he hadn't thrown it away the response was "I'll clear it away in my own time." This frustrates the hell out of me. Now 2 days later I've just decide to throw it away for him because it's still there. I could go on endlessly with tales about unpaired socks just shoved in drawers and dvds strew around all in the wrong boxes.

When I tell him that I want it kept tidy he just says that he doesn't want to live in a showhome! I don't think I'm asking the earth but what do you do with lazy partners? Its almost like he's got a compulsion to p*** me off! HELP!

The fact that you want to live one way and he wants to live differently is an area where compromise is needed. Just because you're the tidy one doesn't mean that your way's right.

tea_lover

cakeforbrains wrote: »

Not sure if you're the OP on a different account, but that sounds like a response to a particular 'nag' rather than the problem as a whole.

Not the OP, just had similar conversations at home about division of housework. My OH fully agrees in principle about splitting it all and has never refused to do anything when we've spoken about it.... it's just the timing of actually getting it done that leaves a little to be desired.

cakeforbrains

whodathunkit wrote: »

The fact that you want to live one way and he wants to live differently is an area where compromise is needed. Just because you're the tidy one doesn't mean that your way's right.

This depends on the level of untidiness, surely. For instance, not throwing a non-perishable in the bin for a couple of days is one thing, but not doing washing or washing up is another. We don't really know how 'lazy' this guy is or how 'finicky' the OP is.

mountainofdebt

tealover and freeman are you the same person??

Anyway that's by the by.


Personally I think you need to mentally prioritise what's important to you and then work on that list in order.

So for example not pairing up socks and dvds not in their correct boxes may not be a priority for you -after all what's the worst that could happen ? - but loading the dishwasher is so you need to work on that and when that's 2nd nature to him work on something else.

The other thing is don't nag or criticise when he does a 'substandard' job of something.....if someone moaned after I had done something they would be told to do it themselves next time.