Sharing/conflict resolution at nursery school?

notanewuser

DD starts nursery (unit within a primary school) in September. She'll be 4 in October. We haven't decided whether she'll be going full or part time yet.

She's been brought up "gently" with a close group of friends her age, all with similar parenting. They've never been forced to share - we've encouraged them to take turns and they're fantastic at it. They've all been allowed to choose which of their toys others can play with and which are "special" to them. They're a very harmonious bunch and we rarely have disagreements. She attends a playgroup 4 mornings a week that has a very similar approach - no naughty steps etc, all conflict is dealt with calmly (not that there is much).

I'm wondering how nursery schools handle these issues? The school is very good, but we've found elsewhere that other children have been brought up to expect toys to be taken from others when they want them, have naughty steps etc and I'm wondering if there's a "standard" way of dealing with this in mainstream schools/nurseries? We're in South Wales if that makes a difference.

Caroline_a

Why not ask them? Every school/nursery will be different and additionally people's perception will be different too!

notanewuser

Caroline_a wrote: »

Why not ask them? Every school/nursery will be different and additionally people's perception will be different too!

I intend to. They have a parents' meeting next week. Just wondered what others' experience has been.

krustylouise

when DD attended nursery they didn't discipline the children, they just ensured they praised the good. They would bring it to my attention if anything untoward happened like for instance DD {when she was 2} had bitten another child, they removed my daughter and the other child from the situation and informed me of what had happened {I of course was utterly mortified and apologetic}.

But as mentioned every nursery is different so best to check like you said you will.

Miss_Imaginative

As a former Nursery Teacher I have to agree with the above posters in that every Nursery is different. Some Nurseries are very much about the "naughty chair" or "time out" and focus on that first and foremost. My old Nursery was very much about focusing on the positive and rewarding the good BUT if needs must we calmly took the child out of the situation and spoke to them about why their behaviour was inappropriate.

As the Nursery is linked with a school, they will generally carry out any discipline in a similar manner to how the school does, in order to make the transition to school easier for the children. So maybe have a look on the school's website, they may well have their behaviour policy on there available for parents to read - it may give you an insight so you know how the general school's behaviour is managed.

I have to say it sounds like you've given your daughter a very good start in relationship building and sharing - which is invaluable at this age and not something she will "un-learn" quickly. In my career when I've seen daughters like yours who know how to share and play nicely with their friends, they often end up showing others how to behave well and take great pride in helping their friends learn how to share and take turns.

You will get all the answers you need in your parents meeting next week - my piece of advice is do not be afraid to ask questions, even if you feel you have "too many" questions (no such thing!). Ask as many as you need until you are confident you are happy with your decision to send your daughter to that school.

Mrs_I

GobbledyGook

My son's will be attending the nursery is attached to the school and they pretty much follow the school rules. They feel it's best as the children aren't left confused when they move to the other room in the building for starting school.

Nurseries in general vary though. Some focus on negatives too much and some on the positive too much. I know some will think saying 'too positive' is a weird thing to say, but I had to remove my son from one nursery who never, ever dealt with any issues and there are times (when a child bites 4/5 children a day, every day for a sustained period for example) when negative behaviour needs dealt with.

The current nursery have a very good balance between concentrating on the positives, but also having a thinking spot (rather than naughty step) where the children can sit for a short time with a book when they need to be removed from the situation for whatever reason. They also have a good set up with egg timers fo the occasions where multiple children want to play with the same thing if turns each needs to be encouraged (the kids enjoy the egg timers as much as anything else!).

notanewuser

So, we went to the parents' evening this week.

Spoke to the early year's leader about discipline and sharing. They have a "thinking chair" (which "does get used") where children are "encouraged to think about what they've done and who they need to say sorry to" (so no different to a naughty step then) and will take toys from children if they deem them to have had them too long.

That, plus the determination they have to force the children to "worship" at every given opportunity has made me extremely anxious. (It's a state school, and my gentle explanation that we're happy with RE, but not worship was met with "my children go to Sunday School and I for one am glad they're around moral people" - !!!!!!??)

Person_one

notanewuser wrote: »

and will take toys from children if they deem them to have had them too long.

I don't understand what the problem with that is. Some toys are always more popular and desirable than others, and the children need to learn that its not 'who gets it first can keep it as long as they want'.

Sharing and considering others is really important, isn't it?

iammumtoone

notanewuser wrote: »

They've never been forced to share - we've encouraged them to take turns and they're fantastic at it. .

Am I missing something, is that not what sharing is???

When teaching my ds to share if he had hold of a toy another child wanted to play with, I spoke to him and explained he had been using it for a while and it was only fair he let the other child have a turn., he would always hand it over, likewise if he had not had it long I or the other parent would explain that ds had not played with it for long but once he had finished it would be the other child's turns - that is sharing, what other way is there??

iammumtoone

notanewuser wrote: »

and will take toys from children if they deem them to have had them too long.

Are you misinterpreting this as them doing literally that?

I can't see anyone just taking a toy from a child and giving it to another without any explanation. The child will be told and explained to that they have been playing with it for a long time and now someone else wants to play and it is only fair they let someone else have a turn (in my experience with attending lots of playgroups - normally the child hands it over so there is no need to take it). Look at it from the other side, your child is not going to be happy if she is not allowed to play with the best toy if someone else is allowed to hog it all day every day.

My son is nearly 7 and they still have a sharing system in place at his childcare, they all want to use the computer so they have an egg timer system, when the timer has ran out it is someones elses turn.

notanewuser

Person_one wrote: »

I don't understand what the problem with that is. Some toys are always more popular and desirable than others, and the children need to learn that its not 'who gets it first can keep it as long as they want'.

Sharing and considering others is really important, isn't it?

Yes, which is why DD has been raised to understand sharing and taking turns. She's very good at it. It may be that her turn would last, say 5 minutes, but another adult would decide that it was over at 3 minutes. By taking the toy from her you're telling her that another child's want is more important than hers. She would happily wait for her turn - isn't that important lesson for all of us too?

(We experienced this with DD's cousins a while ago. They were happily playing with playdoh. DD wanted the roller, her cousin had it. "Okay," she said, "I'll wait and then you can have the cutter if you want." My BIL waded in and snatched the roller out of my niece's hand telling her "you've got to share". Cue very upset little girl and DD who didn't know what to do. He picked up his cuppa and I ripped it out of his hand telling him "you've got to share". He got the point. )